Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

2,817 Members
29,973 Posts
0 Online
Women's Health
/ Infertility Support Group

Hotmess party of One

thisismylife
thisismylife

My husband & I have been trying for a year and half. Today I finally snapped and broke down. I felt like I couldn’t breathe... Uncontrollable tears. My hotmess ass just left work at 9:30 am. Husband decided it’s a mental health stay at home kind of day. I’m finally facing how sad and angry I am. I don’t recognize these feelings and feel so desperately alone in them. My coworker who I love more anything, told me she found out the gender of her baby. (She tried for 3 years) I am genuinely happy for her but it was the first time my reaction felt forced. Who is this jealous twin taking over my thoughts. Everywhere I look I see a baby, or a pregnant person, or a 1st bday. Two friends that started trying around the time I did now have their babies 1st birthdays. Usually I offer to decorate and am the first person to help but Im scared I will breakdown & cry to some stranger once im there. Im starting to wake up at 4 in the morning with anxiousness. I deeply feel that this is my fault & feel horrible to be putting my husband through this. He would make such a wonderful dad. My husband called a couple drs trying to get me into seeing a therapist to work out these emotions. Ive tried being open about the topic with family & friends but feel so discouraged when I get responses like... “just relax” “don’t worry about it”... “maybe you should take up painting to destress yourself” ... ugh.  I’m hoping to get to know a couple of friends that are going through the same experience. And can maybe to relate to the highs and lows the pregnancy waiting game is. 

Ch32
Ch32
I understand! I've taken mental health days after getting my period several times we have been trying several months..it's really hard to get your hopes up ... Its getting better, I didn't stay home this month but still have trouble seeing babies and hearing about pregnancies!
Yme35
Yme35
I don’t think it’s jealousy that you have towards other women that are pregnant or just being around women and their children in general, it’s envy I know this because I feel the exact same way you do. Don’t blame yourself for nothing that you think is going bad in your life. Everything happens for a reason when the time is right. Their is no need for you to see a therapist it’s not a mental health issue, it’s a medical issue, make an appointment with a OBGYN and explain that you been trying for a year. Remember God is always with you holding your hand, walking with you.
Yme35
Yme35
@thisismylife and @ ch32... Go see a OBGYN.. I tried for a year and turned out that I am a Fragile X carrier which causes infertility and early menopause I had no idea the day I found out I was heartbroken and felt like, this is the one thing I really want and I can’t get pregnant because I don’t have any periods which means I can’t produce any eggs own my own.
thisismylife
thisismylife
@ch32 thank you for your understanding. It’s nice to hear it should get better.

@yme35 thank you so much for your feedback. I do think I need to pray more and realize it’s out of my control. I have been to an obgyn and a specialist. I set an appointment Tuesday with a counselor because I really don’t know how to cope with the grief the infertility is causing. I no longer feel like myself anymore. I think I’ve entered into depression. I’ve stopped caring about normal day to day things and feel withdrawn from family & friends. I’m sorry to hear about the news from your OBGYN. My heart aches for you. I’m here if you need anything. Whether it’s a chat or just listening ear. <3 We are allowed to have a moment of struggle. I think when grief hits it’s imprtant to mourn but not let it stay too long. If you figure out how, let me know too. I’m one hotmess over here. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
LadyGuamsta
LadyGuamsta
I am so with you. I have had very few feelings of depression in my life. I've had reason but I am always able to just move on and focus on the good. After a year of trying my 1st iui came back BFP and for 2 weeks it felt like everything had been worth the struggle until... chemical pregnancy. What a let down. I was so crushed. I am doing iui again this month and on a more intense dose of clomid and I feel like I am really losing myself. Ive never been so depressed and I swear to g-d EVERYONE is pregnant. The lingering sadness feels like its never going to go away. I dont want to be around anyone. I dont know if its the clomid or the infertility finally getting to me but I am burnt. :(
Littleeggspectation
Littleeggspectation
I think it's a little different when your not getting pregnant and there is,still some sort of hope vs. You've been told you have no eggs and can't get pregnant. I realize women around me will get pregnant but it's different when someone close to you says they are pregnant. The absolute sadness and hate I felt. I didn't know who this was. It was me... but not a way to live life gerring rid of friends because they can have the one and only thing you want. I had a,melt down last week. I posted "bad night" a few posts below this. I am in therapy and can't wait for tomorrow's appointment. I know this can't be normal.
thisismylife
thisismylife
@ladyguamsta I feel for you. I’m not sure how to go from here. A friend told me to do everything I dont feel like doing. I’m forcing myself to do the mundane things like grocery store shopping & working out. Weirdly enough the podcast “the hilarious world of depression” made me finally sleep better. I have no idea why. Maybe it helped to listen to something in bed besides my own thoughts. I also let my boss and best friend know I was going through a hard time. Somehow talking about it seemed to give it less power over me. I can still cry at the glance of a baby & if one more person asks me about “when are you guys going to have kids” ... I will probably have another meltdown 2.0. It’s just a matter of time before someone makes a comment. I can’t imagine what you are going through after a chemical pregnancy. I wish I could think of a heartfelt response to you. Just know you are not alone. And you will eventually feel better. It has to get better. This to shall pass <3
thisismylife
thisismylife
@littleeggspectation I read your post. I admire you. You post was so open and honest... I think I cried the whole time I read it. Friends are so wrapped up in their own world that they don’t realize how hurtful their sharing can be. I completely agree to keep whatever distance you need. How is therapy going? Is it helping? It sounds like you have a wonderful husband. And I praise you for applying to foster. <3 please keep us updated on how it’s going.