Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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eprender 04/01/2018

I just joined this group today. It has actually been a long time coming and I probably should have joined something before now... but here I am. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for several years now. In December of 2017, we got that beautiful pink line we had been waiting for. A week later, I started bleeding while at work and later discovered it was the start of my miscarriage... early miscarriage but a loss none the less. I was devestated obviously and so was my husband. Years of trying and exhausting ourselves to no limits was gone before we could even enjoy it. I struggled and still sometimes do. I went to a dark place I never knew about and pretty much blamed the world for it... why me? Im a good person. To make matters worse, I work in a work release/community correctional facility for women and seeing all of them get pregnant with ease and not care about their babies drives my anger and makes me hate the world even more.

I was getting better at dealing with my thoughts and emotions and learning to respect them but then my best friend told me she was pregnant two days ago. She had been my rock and main support (besides my husband) because she too was struggling to conceive. Now, I feel like I have lost that because she is pregnant. She has also reverted to the dreaded, "Itll happen when it happens" and "Stop trying and just relax" which are always the least helpful statements to me.

I guess joining this group is at least a step in the right directions for me and I have a lot of hope that this may help me cope with not only not acheiving a sustainable pregnancy but also the loss of the one we thought we had.

grace10 04/01/2018

Hi eprender, I just joined this group today too. I have been married for 5 years and My best friend and I were in a similar situation. However she distanced herself from me recently and then last weekend she told me she was pregnant. I'm very happy for her but feel now I'm totally alone and becoming more hopeless with each month. Also the " it will happen" speeches are wearing thin for me too. Anyway even though I'm sure it's no consolation to you I just wanted to let you know that reading your post made me feel that there is someone out there who understands. It can often feel like I'm the only person struggling with infertility. Stay strong!

eprender 04/01/2018

Thank you for replying! Yes, I clearly know what you're feeling and going through. Do you ever feel like people around you view you as selfish for being sad for yourself and voicing how sad you are when someone else gets pregnant. I recently got called selfish by someone close to me for telling them I am sad about my best friend achieving her pregnancy. It through me out of whack today.

Lilly519 04/01/2018

I think fertility challenges are something people really don't understand unless they have experienced it, and sometimes their comments are intended to be supportive but aren't, or they say ignorant things like you mentioned (calling you selfish). I have enough negative self-talk going on in my head 24-7 during this process, I definitely don't need others' comments. I liken it to comments made when someone passes - No one knows what to say but pressure to say something; "They're in a better place now" and "It'll get easier with time". Sometimes silence and just plain and simple listening is the best route.

I am feeling very odd at work lately. I am a pretty open person when I get to know someone, and a colleague of mine (same age) both began trying to get pregnant at the same time (5 years ago). She has had two daughters and is back to work now from maternity leave. When she came back from her first mat leave (2 years ago), I still talked to her a bit about trying and what not, although it started to get awkward. In attempts to reassure me it would all work out, it did everything but. I felt obligated in a way; denying I think how I was feeling inside (angry, sad, resentful, envious, embarrassed). This time I just don't talk to her about it. I know there's some tension and awkwardness, but honestly, I just don't wanna talk about it with her. I feel rude typing this, but I think sometimes I just need to do more of what makes me feel good and less of what brings me down, in that moment anyways.

grace10 04/01/2018

I feel selfish all the time. Plus now in my 30s it feels like everyone is pregnant or if not they are with very little effort. Honestly I feel like an idiot never knew getting pregnant was this difficult! But I think it's different for everyone and every relationship so no one can tell us how we should feel. Plus when you don't feel like you have anyone to confinde in it's an extra kicker! I've felt off in work, home and personal life lately, I just never imagined I could feel this way about not getting pregnant I know now my friend is pregnant she doesn't want to spend time with me and I just feel plain awkward!!! Call me selfish but I can't help feeling how I do.

lightnthedark 04/02/2018

Yeah, we are all selfish. I just had to explain to my best friend why infertile people feel the way we do. And how we deserve to be selfish; to remove ourselves from the constant ache. I have been trying for almost 3 years now & she has always been someone to talk to. Not that she knew anything about infertility, but she was adamant that she never was going to have kids. Well guess who just found out the sex of her baby? I too feel abandoned. She was the one person I thought could never hurt me. And she has the nerve to be angry with me for being honest about my feelings & how it hurts just to look at her growing bump. She called me selfish & that I need to grow up. She claims I have no financial issues & there are so many kids out there looking for homes; just adopt! Like these 3 years of crying & depression she just wiped her hands of. Some friend....Don’t justify your feelings to no one who isn’t going through this. Any person that actually gets it would understand. Have those feelings. Share those feelings. Do things for you; if for no other reason than to keep your sanity. Keep your head high no matter how it hurts. Know you (and all of us) are so incredibly strong. Try to keep the fight in you!

kays 04/04/2018

Hi I just wanted to tell u reading all your posts has made me feel comfortated which I haven't been able to feel in a long time. I to have been trying for some time. Been with my spouse 8 years struggled with a miscarriage in the past and literally have been trying to conceive ever since but have been unsuccessful. I'm starting to feel alone and depressed and not knowing where to go from here. My relationship is also going through a struggle as I just don't think he understands since he has had a child previous to our relationship he feels "he's not the problem" I did have a friend with similar struggles who just recently found out she's pregnant. I'm trying my best to support her and be happy for her but it's hard not to feel jealous and depressed for myself at the same time. I'm just finding myself in a dark place right now and not really having anyone to turn to

AllyV 04/05/2018

You basically described how I feel almost 100% of the time lately. I feel selfish for so many reasons and so guilty for feeling jealousy or resentment towards women who are pregnant that I don't even know. When you talk about dark places, well, I can definitely say I have been to some very dark places over the past 6 months and feel terrible for it. Probably too much wine at times, and placing too much burden on my husband. It places huge burdens of relationships and marriages. Thankfully my sister and mom are totally supportive and I have a few friends let me vent, but there are just some people that I cannot lean on as they will only disappoint and hurt me. I am almost in tears hearing about your early miscarriage. It's week almost 3 weeks since I experienced mine, and whenever I think about it, I literally can't catch my breath. It's heartbreaking to experience pure bliss, excitement, joy, and RELIEF that finally it's your time and everything is going to be okay, only to have it all taken away in a moment. I truly hope and pray that your time is right around the corner. The wait is hard and the fight is long, but you sound like you are already an incredible mother to your future babies.

PeanutLove 04/05/2018

Hi! I can totally understand how you feel! I even feel like at times my bf doesn’t understand either because he has a two year old son! After two years of trying I finally got pregnant but we miscarried at 3months. My best friend had gotten pregnant months before me and it was hard we actually stopped being friends up until recently the last 4-5 months. It’s a hard process when no one understands your feelings and emotions!

heretochat 04/09/2018

Hi, eprender! My story totally differs from yours. Of course, I'm sharing it. Fertility issues for every woman are always devastating. At the start of our journey we had an incredibly loving home. We had had a long happy relationship together. And I knew we had so much to give. I had seen happy families created this way. I saw beautiful children brought to life. A good friend of mine had just had a donor egg baby that I adored. They were excellent parents and their home is full of love and joy. I saw numerous stories of beautiful DE families. My heart felt warm for them. I wanted that too so much. But the thought of going there traumatized me. The pain was unbearable. So we wanted to start treatments as soon as possible. I can fully relate to you. Every other visit to a fertility expert was a challenge for me. Doing private cryings after it I felt better but for a couple of hours pretending I'd never had been to infertility struggles. We passed 1 failed ICSI cycle. Then another round ivf with donor eggs overseas. Which brought no luck.. Another one. Successful..
I find it more difficult to struggle while being among pregnant ladies like you do this. I'm proud you're that strong to cope! I will be praying for this year be your rainbow. Wish you all the best of luck in the world, hun!!

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