Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi everyone, I'm new to this group/site. I'm having a really tough time coping today, and could use some words of encouragement, tips, your stories, anything you can give. I'm feeling very discouraged, scared and sad.
I'm 40, DH is 42. All of our tests have come back fine, no problems. They did find a small fibroid on the outside of my uterus. But the HSG test confirmed that it was not blocking my tubes. I have always had regular periods, bad periods (pain/menstruation) which led me to believe I might have endo (my mom did), but doc said there should not be any problems other than age.
My DH and I tried naturally for 6 months, and then IUI with Letrazole (breast cancer history in the fam, so no Chlomid). I'm on my 2nd cycle now, just took the pregnancy test with a BFN. I knew not to get my hopes up, but I thought for sure I was pregnant this time. I had all kinds of crazy symptoms, thought this was the one.
Gosh, I don't even know where to begin. I have all of the "horrible" thoughts today...what did I do wrong, what's wrong with me, it's my fault, if my husband was married to a younger woman he would have a baby by now, is he going to leave me (he wouldn't, he's amazing), I'm ruining his life, why do terrible people get to have babies while caring and hopeful couples do not, how can I keep taking time off work without being fired, how can my body and psyche keep going, how the heck are we going to pay for IVF and then what if it's another BFN...and so on. I'm a pretty optimistic/grounded person, and usually counsel others, but all of the negative talk is there for me today. I'm at work and don't know how I'll get through the day without crying or making a mess!
I know I'm just a tourist in the infertility journey so far...you all are incredible, and have survived so much more than I can imagine. I thought I would be okay, but I honestly don't know how you do it! I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, you have SUCH a longer way to go." I don't know what our next move is...not sure I want to try another IUI, though I know the percentages get higher as you go along (but still not much). Unexplained infertility is the worst...makes you crazy! It drives me crazy that I'm doing ALL of the right things (acupuncture, diet, meditation/mindfulness, research, supplements) but ultimately, there's noting I really can do to make this happen.
I think we're going to take a step back for at least a month, to figure out what to do next. Though I worry about every minute wasted.
Toughest part is that DH doesn't think we can afford IVF. I know we can, but that will wipe out any savings we have, and we were working towards a downpayment on a house. And then to have the chance of spending all of that money to still have a BFN, that would be devastating. I've been researching grants/gift money, anything to help with the cost. But I admit, I'm getting emotionally fatigued.
Any advice you could offer would be so welcome, I can't thank you enough. I'd love to hear your stories, any tips you can offer, and any advice for paying for IVF.
Staying strong, trying to manifest my mama-hood. :) Thanks again!
I'd love to hear more about your story (thanks for sharing) and keep in touch with you. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts, and I will do the same! :)
Good luck. Baby dust for days.
I'll keep my story somewhat short and sweet. My husband is turning 30 this summer and I'm 28 ( I guess that's considered young lol) We have been together since I have been 19 and for the first 8 years of our relationship we have been doing all we could do avoid pregnancy ( seems silly now, all the condoms and BC pills) about a year ago we started to try for a baby. I got (and still am) pretty obsessed with "checking" my ovulation through a phone app and about 3 months ago I got really anxious about our journey. I started reading books and tracking my ovulation better. I never thought I would be here a year later (all my friends got pregnant the first month they have tried) I work at a high school and see a lot of unplanned pregnancys and that stings a lot. I've gotten bitter and whisper mean things about innocent pregnant ladies I see. I've been stubborn about getting any testing done on my husband or myself because I feel protective of our pride, I don't want to point fingers. I am going in for my annual with my OB that I have seen once in the last year for our fertility issues this coming Monday so I am really nervous about that, idk what to expect the next step to be. I go through cycles each month as I'm sure everyone on this site does. Right now I am hopeful that this is the month, but I am well aware of how I will feel if my period comes in 2 weeks. My husband and I are both the oldest child in our families so we've both have had to deal with annoying and insensitive comments (when will I be a grandma/great grandma, your yard will be perfect for whenever you have kids running around, when will you have kids, blah blah blah) it was easy to laugh them off the first couple of months but now I'm either snapping at ppl saying it's not as easy as it seems or holding back tears. We live in Minnesota, and have planned a vacation to Florida in 2 weeks, I'm really looking forward to it. I've tried to incorporate healthy lifestyles into my life: gave up caffeine over a year ago, started a diet with more greens and less eating out, yoga weekly, meditation every morning, list goes on and on. And that's kind of where I'm at right now. I guess I'll know more on Monday. I know a sperm analysis is next, so I suppose we'll be setting that up soon.