Yes! And its mainly because of us. We have not been open with friends about our IF journey or our struggles. So we have had a harder time hanging out with people since the topic of kids always comes up. So we distance ourselves. And even with the few friends that know, we have distanced ourselves because of the silly advice!

But we are working harder on trying to still enjoy our friends and life. We have actually recently hung out with friends we have not seen in a year and it was great even though I kept dreading the possible questions.

YES. I have felt like the worst friend lately. My DH and I have kept our struggles private, mostly because it's been such a personal and painful journey but also because I can't handle the "advice" and questions, even when they well-intentioned.

I have definitely pulled away from friends, especially those with kids or who are pregnant who are constantly asking us (out of love, of course) when we are having kids. It's excruciating to have to deal with these questions.

That said, I love my friends and I know it's unfair to pull away like this. It's really a struggle. We're going through our second IVF cycle, and if this one doesn't take, I know I need to at least talk to my family about it.

Yes ! Definitely.. I tell my close friends about my appointments and shots and things, and probably due to my reaction, they stay quiet, whereas what I need from them is support. But I cant blame them, because they probably don't know how to react , since these days I'm quite moody and hot tempered, so I guess its my mistake more than theirs.

Most of my infertile friends understands me, but there is this one friend who has not even asked me how I was doing since she fell pregnant naturally.. That hurts a lot.. :(, so I basically kinda detest her now.. But again I was thinking that maybe if she asked me about my treatments, I might even breakdown, so this seems to be better!

About the regular friends, I try to keep away from them because I don't like to hear their pregnancy news and I always feel left out when they talk about their pregnancy and delivery stories. The other day my RE told me that I am the reason why we are no longer close to our friends.. I was literally shattered hearing that.. but I did realize that was true, because I have more of a problem than him and I'm the one who is normally not very interested in our family gettogethers.. and it did cost us a lot of friendship.

But now, I just realized that almost everyone that I know is getting pregnant, and there is no use of trying to run away and I will try and go for most get togethers unless I am in a very fragile mood.

In fact, i think sometimes I have enjoyed these gettogethers and Im trying to take the rest of the "talk on babies" with a positive attitude.. it helps and I had even enjoyed a couple of birthday parties and gettogethers .. but there are definitely my bad days too when I feel totally down that they talk about babies etc.

i have a few friends who have kids and i get annoyed with them a lot because they always seem annoyed by their children and i get comments like "are you sure you want to have kids"...a few friends and family members know about the IVF cycle and about everyone else thinks that they know because we had mentioned that we would probably do IVF when we got home from mexico so i have ppl asking me questions alll day and to the ones who think they know I just say its a hurry up and wait kinda situation, not giving them details or anything. however wither or not this cycle works, I will not be informing anyone (friends or family) about future cycles because it causes to much stress when people are asking questions all day long. I have been faking a back injury since the transfer with the rest of my friends and family members who do not know that the transfer already happened. we have a big huge picnic to go to on sunday at an amusement park which i am still going to claim that my back hurts since i cant ride any rides. good thing they have a pool at the park as well which is where i will be.

I'm not a very private person, and I'm a terrible liar. During this process I've been pretty forthcoming with friends and people at work, which I think really has helped. Two pretty close home friends got pregnant since we have been trying. Neither had a tough time, like 3 months of actual sex to get pregnant (did you realize that could happen?). The one friend came over and looked heartbroken to tell me. I have to say that group of friends has done a pretty good job of being mindful of how difficult this is, I think because they are good people, but also because the first friend in our group to have kids went through IF, so we are all familiar with the struggles. When I get dumb advice, I respond back to people (it is just my nature), so they know that was dumb.

As for acquaintances, friends at work, neighbors, other people I see or hang out with.... that has been a struggle for me. But like a few of the ladies said, I realize it is "on me". I usually give myself one good "It's not fair!" (okay, maybe two or three!) and then force myself to be okay with it. I don't avoid them, I ask them how their kids are, I have normal seeming conversations. The first few times it was hard, but after a while you get used to it. People are always going to be having babies, so I guess I'm trying to adapt as best I can. I can't avoid every person with a kid, I'd feel too guilty. My hubby's aunt was never able to have kids, but she was always an important part of his life- so I guess I take this lesson from her. She would have missed out on so much by avoiding her sister, and we would have missed out as well. If we never get pregnant, I might have to change that philosophy, but I know once we are pregnant I'll want these people in my life.

Facebook is the devil, I'm not rational when it comes to that. For some reason I'm more jealous of people I never see then those I see all the time, it's crazy. Like me never seeing them means it wasn't difficult for them, ha.

Yes it definitely has. I have/had a good friend "act" like they understand and say that they do and that they have other friends dealing with IF. But then again when they were due with their third child just last month, they posted a few times A DAY on facebook about their pregnancy, how the baby is not here yet and pictures of their kids. I'm sorry but this is their third child and I feel like it was overwhelming to see all of that. If they claim that they have multiple friends that deal with IF, why do they find it necessary to post many times a day about their pregnancy and how excited they are? I promise I will not be like that even with my first pregnancy. To say the least, I've been avoiding this friend lately.

Other than that specific friend, I've gotten closer to friends that are dealing with IF and also friends who are still single. They seem to have more time to support my journey and actually seem like they really care.

I do hate IF for the distancing of some of my friendships, but I've realized that is life and new friendships are bound to be started!

Yes, it has affected some of my friendships in a negative way and it has actually made other friendships stronger. I have this one friend that I grew up with since we were kids. Well, for who know what reason (she's a selfish person) we haven't talked for a while but we are in the same social circle so I know for a fact that some of our other friends have told her what I'm going through. Can you believe that she hasn't picked up the phone once to call me and ask me how I'm doing. So lets just say she's been cut out of my life, it's just not worth it to be around people who don't care. But on the other hand, a new freindship that I have has blossomed, she's always calling me to ask how I'm doing and even took me to one of my IUI scans.

As far as other friends, yeah I would say I have by my own choice distanced myself from them, not to be negative but I just want to concentrate on what I'm doing and my family. I think at this age, you realize that friends come and go. I also got off of Facebook and have been so relieved!

Yes! I can definitely say that my circle of friends has drastically decreased and changed over the last couple of years. Some because of our IF journey and others because of other crap. I've noticed that I put in a lot of effort in with friends in the past but once we started doing more testing and getting ready to do meds I started to withdraw and keep more to myself. I do have a few friends that have been in my shoes so I keep those lines open and I have a couple single friends that are always there for me. I tend not to seek support from them but enjoy their friendships and the nice break they provide from my TTC life.

Absolutely! They're driving my nuts! I have a number of friends who are pregnant. All of them have gotten pregnant naturally in the first few months of trying. I've been really open with most of my friends about they fact that we've been trying. Most of them have been understanding and supportive every month that we get that BFN, but just this month I experienced some rage towards a very close friend who got pregnant after just one month of trying. She wasn't exactly sensitive in the way that she told us and also gave the silly advice showing that she clearly didn't get it.

I get the "relax and it will happen" all the time. It mostly just makes me stress about my stress.

I'm with you. Not only have I grown distant from friends, but the IF struggle is causing distance between me and my husband as well. His attitude is "If we have a baby, great, but if we don't, I'm happy as long as I still have you." That's a really sweet and amazingly endearing thing for him to say, isn't it?

Yet as much as I appreciate his sentiment and love him for it, I just don't feel the same way. I want us to be a *family* and to me that includes a child. He takes my feelings as a rejection of him, which they're not, but he has a hard time believing that.

This whole IF thing is all a twisted, confused mess, isn't it?

Totally with you. I've been lucky in that I haven't gotten too much bad advice, but struggling with IF has worsened my depression. I just don't feel like doing anything often, so I say no to offers to go out or just don't respond. I just made myself go back to therapy, so hopefully that will help.

Yes it definitely has ours as well. People around us are so insensitive to IF and they have no idea how we feel. And im with you I HATE that quote "oh just relax it will happen" ugh drives me nuts!! Good luck to you!

Yes, like Friday my friend is having a birthday party for her 1 year old daughter, which I have no problem going to except for one thing. It is only with other girlfriends who of course all have kids. I am the only one who does not. So I once again will make an excuse as to why I cannot go. It hurts seeing so many people with children and I seem to always be the only one who does not.

Most of our friends are a little older than us and have older children. With these friends our relationship has not been affected at all. But, with our friends who have younger children it has. Mostly because we distance ourselves or they just don't come around as much because they are busy with their children.