I try very hard to temper all of my conversations with reminding myself that I'm glad the other person doesn't know how I feel because I wouldn't want anyone I care about to be in this boat too. About a year ago my mom, who is normally very awesome and supportive, tried to tell me that she knew how I felt... and I flat out, very comely, said "No, you don't know how I feel, and I'm glad you don't." I've said it to a few people since then. Reminding insensitive people that you're glad they can't relate really does open eyes... I highly recommend it!

For a while it did. But, I learned to speak up and let them know that they do not understand how I feel. I also let them know that sometimes I am just venting and I do not want their opinion. At one point I had to point out that everyone seems to be a doctor, but what they do not realize is every person's body is different and something that may have worked for one, may not work for another. I also made it clear that infertility is not the only thing I am about, I do have life outside of infertility treatments and to quit talking to me about it. I found when I didn't share what was going on with my family, it was very helpful!

My relationship with MY family has been strained for a very very long time for other reasons but since the IF, my brother tends to throw his children in my face when we are fighting and make comments that atleast he can enjoy being a parent.

We just did our first round of IVF....if it works I am sure DH's brother might be a little weird about it because he also has male infertility and cant have a baby with his wife without IVF but they said they can't afford it.

Katenrob.. I can so relate to that! My sister once told me during a fight that I was jealous of her life because I couldn't have kids while she has two... I not only felt like slapping her in the face but felt like screaming at her... your life sucks, why would I want it! but I tried to keep my cool as my little nephew was with us and I didn't want to stress him any more.

Sometimes I just want to pull my hear out with her... needless to say we are no longer on speaking terms...

I dealt with IF for 6+ years (married for 8, no contraception for 7). I only let certain people know, not close family, because I was tied of people feeling sorry for me. It was hard. My husband would ask, 'don't you need the support?' but frankly, I knew it would be much harder with my parents begging for grandchildren to have to hear them asking about my 'condition' everyday. I posted my story a few days ago, I finally became (naturally) pregnant this year after sorting out an endocrine mess I had for over a decade.

The people I did tell over the years started to sincerely believe I was just not able to accept IF and I was wasting time. I almost got a divorce over IF because I felt so strongly that IVF was not my only answer and my husband was pleading with me to 'see the truth of my numbers.'

Long story short, people probably do not understand what you are going through and you have to remain strong for yourself and really be your own biggest supporter and believer.

I have a great support in my mother who also struggled with IF for 7+ years, and I am so thankful for that! As for everyone else in the family: I don't tell them what's going on. When they ask "when're you guys going to have a little one?" I simply tell them that we've been working on it and when we do, they will know. They usually stop asking after that. As for the comments of "you can have mine" I respond with something along the lines of if they don't want them, I would take them because no child should be orphaned, but I'd like to experience pregnancy myself. And the insensitive comments of "so and so drank some ketchup and got pregnant" I respond with good for them, maybe they can loan me THEIR uterus, cervix, etc. By that point they are too grossed out from my response. I'm more of a shock and awe type response. They all ask, but they usually don't REALLY want to know..

I just deleted my response because of the last sentence about "research". I believe you were writing a book? Either way, I hope that you are only using the responses of those that chose to participate. Since you added that last line, it made it seem like you're just posting on here to get more people to sign up rather them really trying to participate in the support group. The thread title now just seems like a chapter in your book.... Just an observation.

LaurieNYC I am sorry if you were worried! No, people who have chosen to participate in the study are the only one's whose responses would be used!!!! they have to sign consent forms etc and they have a private email sent to them for the responses. This is purely to bounce ideas around. Don't worry I would never use someone's response without their permission! the ethics board would drag me over hot coals if I did that!!!!

Thank you for clarifying Lina!