Yup, I feel totally guilty all of the time. Thankfully, we were able to afford IVF but it has set us back a bit financially. I don't think you are at all alone in these feelings. Sending big hugs your way xx

Yes, there is a ton of guilt that I feel because of IF- guilt for feeling broken like I did something to cause it, guilt for letting my partner and family down, guilt for spending all of our money on IF treatments, guilt for dragging everyone close to me on this emotional IF roller coaster, etc... You definitely came to the right place to find people who understand. I am sorry that you are here, but welcome to the group and I hope you are able to find the support you need from people who are walking in your shoes. This has been one of my greatest supports to get me through some dark times. Sending peaceful thoughts your way...

Wow thanks so much ladies! I appreciate that you took the time to respond and I'm kinda glad to know it's common. (Kinda b/c it sucks to have to be here, but glad to know there are others out there who feel similar as well.) I think it will be helpful to me to talk to other women who are in a similar situation - like one of you said the guilt of taking others around you down this road...i didn't even realize that i feel guilty for that too - but i totally do! Thank you for helping me already and best of luck to everyone. Stay strong. xoxo

Sorry, I didn't elaborate on my reply. But, yes, I feel immense guilt...like maybe I did something in my younger wayward days that has made me have fertility problems. Like, all of those years I was on the OCP, ruined me or something.I have body image issues (don't we all!) as well so having fertility issues kind of cements in my mind that I am completely defective as a human being. Its awful. Not to mention the feeling that you are letting your side down by not being able to give your partner kids.
Just need to hang in there

No worries Mrs2014...i totally hear the body image issues and i've also wondered if in my younger years if i did something "to deserve this"... For me sometimes I feel the most guilt when I see my husband with other people's kids - or see my guy friends holding their own kids... like i'm a failure b/c i can't (or haven't been able to yet) give that to my own husband..when we got married this wasn't exactly what he signed up for you know? But you're right - we need to stay strong and hang in there. xo

Hi, I can relate to what you are feeling. The guilt is tremendous and it's more so when I see my husband so happy around my nephew. The in- laws are trying to not be pushy, but I know they are impatient to have grandkids, especially since my husband is now the only child since his brother died for months ago. Not only that, but my husband and I just did ivf and none of the embryos were viable to be frozen. All that money and all that time are all wasted. After all that, it's almost impossible not to blame yourself.

I wish I can give some advice on how to deal with guilt of not being able to conceive, but I'm still dealing with it myself; however, it is comforting to know that there are others who understand and maybe we can give each other support.

Hi, lovely lilie! You've always been so very sensitive in your posts supporting other women. This is worth doing as we all need a soothing word from time to time. But this is for sure you should not let the thought of being guilty get stuck in your head. It's so dreadfully distracting looming all your extra strength and calmness. Thinking this just makes worse. I learned to cope with it from my fellow friends and lovely people on different forums. I'm 41 yo, facing diminished ovarian reserve. Spent several years trying naturally in vain. Then applied for medical help. All this time was a tremendous wreck for us both. But thanks to my DH he had never made me feel guilty. (Though he's absolutely ok!).
Dear lilie, you have to learn to cope with it somehow. It will help you to move on definitely. Let God take good care of you and soon you remember this like the thing from the past. Hugs, hun XX

Hi ladies,
Thanks so much for your continued responses...each time i log on here i feel a little more understood and less isolated, so thanks for that.
MollySweeney, i'm so sorry for the loss of your brother in law. On top of dealing with this, you also have this on your plate, and i hope that you find strength to deal with everything in whatever way possible. I too feel the pressure- but from my parents for giving them grandkids as i'm basically the only one as well. I'm also sorry about the results from the ivf as well... i dont really know what to say but you are in my thoughts.

Thanks for your kind words heretochat...you are right and i will find a way to come to terms, but right now it's still so very very new that i'm not even sure how i feel completely feel about it.

xoxo

I just joined this group myself. This is something we've been dealing with on our own for four years, but have now began fertility treatments. I have found myself feeling exactly as you do. I have constant pressure from my family and feel like a failure more than I do not. You are not alone in this struggle or feeling. Hugs and understanding sent your way!

Yup I've felt guilty and horrible and had thoughts that if I wasn't around my husband could have kids with someone else. It's just another knife that is jabbed in my heart and back.

We would have done another round of IVF if we could have afforded to. It is so unfair!! it cost less to have an abortion than it does to help create life -sad really.

KAdunn, totally agree. And it's not like trying to create a life is covered by insurance or anything like that. And surrogacy or adoption isn't inexpensive or easy either. It's really frustrating!

Infertility is a very important issue to talk about! This's terrifying how many women nowadays struggle with it. And so many of us are ashamed to talk about it. To be honest this's hard to share your emotions, feelings and ttc details with others. Especially with those who have never faced infertility. Some people just don't know how to support or don't want to. So many of us have to struggle in silence... I've gone through so many difficulties on my way to motherhood. I had 5 failed cycles of ivf with my eggs. So many times I thought it was time to stop... Well, I'm glad I didn't. I'm now finally pregnant after a cycle of mitochondrial donation. I guess patience is key. And of course, a positive mindset and hoping for the best no matter what. I know it sounds so cliche... But those are the things which help not to go crazy during infertility struggle.