Hi Iris83,
Wow - you have really been through so much and to add this on top of it... I'm sending you hugs and strength. Just yesterday a friend had his baby - and i know his wife was also struggling and as i was looking at his pictures i noticed that my joy for him wasn't as high as it probably should be. It's very hard to be happy for others when we ourselves are struggling for that same thing... I wish i can say it's normal or expected or allowed.. but honestly i feel like a crappy friend for feeling the way i do! Of course i'm happy for all my friends who have kids b/c i wouldn't want them to go thru what i'm going through, but sometimes i feel like i'm not being 100% happy. Does that make sense? (Sorry to make it all about me!)

Do you have to attend all of the showers or can you get out of some of them? Hopefully your friends who are expecting will be sensitive and understanding if you choose not to go, even if they don't know your full story. For me personally, there's only so many big smiles i can put on after a while.

I did 2 months of clomid but stopped b/c it made me an emotional basketcase. Now i'm tracking ovulation and trying to determine if anything is even happening there.
I wish you the best and sending you hugs.

Stay strong.

Well considering a couple are life long friends (some of over 20 years) and two are family members, it would be very difficult to skip out on them. I would probably feel just as bad not being there as I would while there. I am just a conflicted mess! lol

I completely understand what you are saying about not being as happy as you feel you should be. That's why I am ate up with guilt! None of these were planned per say nor had any of them been struggling. Some are even very young or having a second/third child while I'm still sitting her struggling to have baby number one. I think the older I get (32 now) the more difficult it is becoming. The babies born a year or so ago did not effect me to this degree. I just feel selfish for my emotions.

I have been feeling the same way so I think this is normal. I want to delete anyone with a new baby or baby bump from my social media circle. Just before Easter a friend who was struggling told me she was expecting after her husband had surgery. I was so jealous and filled with hate. She ended up losing it and I felt good because she isn't getting what I can't have. Dreadful, horrible thoughts. I even find myself resentful of people in this forum who has a diagnosis other than unexplained.

What I am trying to say is that this is normal for where we are in life. We are not horrible people. We have good days and we have really bad days. We're resentful every time someone posts about their BFP and that's okay. Most people have no idea what we go thru every day and the stress we put on ourselves. The good news is we have groups like this to help us get those those rough days and those bad feelings and no matter how horrible of people we feel like we know there are others who understand us.

I had something similar to what hopeful went thru-my husbands boss said his wife was pregnant with baby #2 and I was so sad and felt horrible and she suddenly had a miscarriage. I blamed myself so I don't have anything to do with pregnant people and it makes me feel better too not being around that. I don't attend baby showers because they just make me cry. Stupid unexplained infertility -I think i just have bad eggs though. I've tried taking everything on the planet that is helpful for "good quality eggs" . nothing works.

I agree with Hopeful. You can't always help how you feel. If you felt this way without empathy or guilt, then I'd worry but you're agonizing over something you want dearly and all around you it's being thrown in your face, no matter how much your friends aren't purposely trying to hurt you. I think people are envious and jealous more than they want to admit. I truly hope you get your beloved child.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and encouragement! I have really beat myself up over my thoughts which I have a very difficult time dealing with. I am very happy I stumbled across this website the other day. It is so nice to know I am not alone in this battle. I think I've managed to get out of the baby shower Saturday. Work comes in handy sometimes! ;)

Hi guys, I agree. I am 38 and now most of my friends have had their babies. The last ones of our group are pregnant now. I am 20 years with my husband, 10 married but we didn't start trying until 5 years ago. Turns out I have low egg count. IVF not an option until now due to cost but I am scared that my age is now a factor.
I am hosting a shower for my friend in 2 weeks. I have everything planned and everything ordered. I feel happy to have the role of "doing stuff" as opposed to just attending. It will keep me distracted. But I am starting to feel that I have missed the boat!
Today it looks like a co-worker who got together with her boyfriend last year is pregnant and it means that I am entirely surrounded by babies. Today I seriously contemplated quitting my job such are my crazy thoughts these days! :-(

Iris83, glad that you could get out of at least one shower, but i get the obligation of having to attend the rest. I hope that the people there are supportive and don't put you on the spot with comments or questions.
We put enough pressure on ourselves and have to deal with our own feelings to not need outsiders giving us their 2 cents.

I think there needs to be a topic group of the best replies and stupid comebacks for us to say to those people who say stupid stuff to us.

I'm so sorry, hun! This is really so heartbreaking to cope with such announcements! I know it pretty well as was in the same position earlier. This was so heard each time to put on my smile and congratulate my friends while we were struggling bravely for every other piece of news.. I guess this is not the sign of egoism. This is what we rather call jealousy for others to have their tinies in a cough.
2 years ago the best friend of mine got pregnant just accidently. That was so unexpectedly for her that she even began thinking about abortion. And it was so cruel of her to discuss that with me then!! Of course I put my 2 pennies into that "good" talk and told her she had to give up that thought and that I dreamt to be in her shoes and many other things I had no right to say, but.. We broke up after that, had no news from her for a long period of time. And guess what?? Once I got an e-mail from her saying she's already given a birth to a baby girl and that she's extremely thankful for my bitter words then...when I was losing my best friend.. I'm so very happy for her and for her daughter but suppose we'll never be as close as we were before..

Hey, I've never done this before!! But I've been looking for women in my shoes well me more in theirs than in mine. Since I'm still only 21, but even so it still feels like eternity. I seen the wording of feeling guilty for others joy so decided to try it. I too am infertile, and it's been like this for some time . Maybe not as long as you ladies but I'm just starting this tough walk through teary eyes every time I see a pregnant women, or a child being concieved and delivered too. I feel bad since I have Faith one day it'll occur but it's a tough day today for me . Spent it curled up in bed feeling quite broken. My husbands a great support but doesn't understand my situation, or my longing. So I hope you ladies may have insight on how to ease the hurt if it's possible . It's my first day (Today) admitting my infertility to anyone other than my husband . I never speak of this subject cause I dislike to cry but I feel I have to. Hope I'm not intruding the subject or even making the wrong comments I have no Clue how blogs or comments of such work but it's a shot im willing to try ! It's a tough day today .......

Hi MrsTorrens, I'm in a similar situation as you, as i'm first coming to terms with and trying to accept that i have this IF diagnosis. (i'm still not convinced, i just think it hasn't happened yet.) I wish someone had an instruction book on how we are supposed to feel and act and does it gets easier? It depends on the day for me when i see someone expecting. My ENTIRE circle of friends has at least 2 kids and i can't help sometimes but feel like i'm missing out on something. The other day i was upset not so much of mother's day coming up, but of knowing that father's day will be coming and i still haven't given my husband a child yet. But he totally didn't get it! Not b/c he doesn't care, but as women IF is a struggle on a different level.
You are still very young - a lot younger than me (33), but that doesn't mean that you and i feel any different. I hope that being on here and finding other women who have similar stories and feelings helps make this journey a little bit easier. Sending you hugs..

I'm back b/c one of my good friends just had a baby today and while i'm super happy for her, it's still a little hard. I called my mom to tell her b/c she knows her... and the excitement in her voice... to me it was a reminder that I didn't put that excitement there... it's just my friend. It's almost like a kick that's like "imagine how i would sound if it was you who had the baby"... I know it's all in my head but sometimes it's just the way it is. I don't think my husband will understand so i thought that maybe i'd find someone on here who does. And if not, thanks for letting me vent anyway.