Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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feeling depressed

Lilly519
Lilly519

Hi all, it's my first post.  I sought out this group online because I'm beginning to struggle with depression related to challenges conceiving.  My partner (37 yoa) and I (35 yoa) have been together for 11 years.  We eliminated barriers to conceiving 5 years ago now, and have been actively ttc over the past 3 years.  My partner had some not so great sperm test results back re: dna fragmentation, which have recently improved - this was great news to get as up to that point it looked like conception was very low and IVF was not an option.  With the improvements dr. said we should keep ttc and IVF is an option.  Dr. started me on Femera (5mg for 5 days), this is my second cycle.  This all sounds quite positive as I write it, but we've hit a point where my partner is very rarely in the mood to have sex, which is making me anxious and I'm feeling as though I'm pressuring him (not at all what I want).  I think we're both feeling depressed.  This was further complicated by my partner's younger brother's announcement that he and his girfriend are expecting a baby.  This should be positive news, and I really truly am happy for them, but honestly I feel guilty even writing it but knowing I will be anywhere near them or be in a conversation about their pregnancy is resulting a lot of anxiety and saddness.  This is not me at all.  I am awaiting a first counselling appointment as I think I need the support.  Any feedback, suggestions or just validation woudl be appreciated.  Thank you.

jane9988
jane9988
I am going thru the same thing. Been trying for 7 years and just knew tht my sister is pregnant. It s never easy to hear other couples' gd news. I totally understand the feeling,one part feels happy for them and the other blames the world for nt giving u the same happiness. We really cnt do anything about it. Keep trying and have faith.
Lilly519
Lilly519
Thanks Jane9988. It is helpful just to know I am not alone in this feeling. It can become so isolating at times.
grace10
grace10
Hi lilly519, my parter and I are also in a similar situation. I know exactly how you feel and tbh even though my partner tries to understand I know the pressure gets to him too. My best friends recently both had babies. I'm delighted for them both both but I can feel they are uncomfortable to ask about how I'm doing. I'm going to start counselling myself but I've really found trying to focus on my own self care has helped...massages, facials, walking all have helped even for that day... every little helps. Then we took a couple of months off from thinking/trying for a baby and I think it really reset both of us. Still back trying but the pressure was overwhelming and a break was a relief. Keep strong you are Not alone!!!
Lilly519
Lilly519
grace10 - it's helpful to remind myself that during the most difficult times is when I need to be practicing self care and being present in the moment. Thanks for that reminder. My partner and I had an open conversation this morning which really helped, as the last time we spoke about it ended in an argument. He is not always open about his emotions and thoughts, and avoidant when something is really bothersome to him. This has been difficult in other areas of life as well. I feel reassured he does care about this and is invested, it just doesn't always look or come across the way I want it to. He also spoke openly about the pressure he feels at times to perform which is causing him a lot of stress. Overall I am feeling better today than I was.; what an emotional rollercoaster this can be! I made it through his family Easter breakfast where a lot of the talk was focused on his brother's girlfriend's pregnancy, but having an open conversation with him on the ride there helped me cope with it all. Didn't feel so alone. Cliché I know...but one day at a time right?
grace10
grace10
Hi lily519 great to hear you are getting through Easter and managed family time. It's great to spend time with family but I know for me that's when I can feel the most pressure! My partner can also stone wall when he's worried which causes me to shut down too. But you are sooo right it's one day at a time... trying to stay positive. Thanks so much for the reminder.
AllyV
AllyV
Your emotions are validated. This process is just so hard, and more often than not, it feels like there is no end in sight. Try to hang in there. It's easier said than done, I know :(. I am usually the happiest and most positive person, but this journey really take a hit to your spirit. Just know it's OK to be sad, it's okay to have bad days (or even bad weeks quite frankly). It's okay to take some space from people or situations that trigger depressed emotions. Try to stay focused on things that make you feel good. Honestly for me right now, snuggling with my dogs with a good cup of tea and Netflix is the one thing I always want to do. It's comfort. Sending good vibes to you.
Miss177ary
Miss177ary
Thanks for the input, am just starting my IVF journey and I am starting to see a lot of other side you don't hear about and glad to know I am not also alone. You really do start feeling alone because your spouse does not know what your body is going through, I know they have their own struggles too and sometimes you are not going to see eye to eye. There are going to be bad days.. but I have found there are usually more good days than bad so ....

“My advice to others is stay strong - things happen when you least expect it. You are also a lot stronger than you think you are." -- I read that and it first made me cry but helped me so I hope it helps you!
Lilly519
Lilly519
Thanks you all for responding. I know by reading this post that my days to fluctuate drastically, as today I am in a fairly good head space. I also know that taking Famera is really playing with my hormones (like it's suppose to) and as a result my emotions can feel even more like a rollercoaster. I am trying to take it one day at a time, really trying to be more focused on me and our stuff, vs. everyone else that seems to be getting pregnant at the mere thought of it! This community really has given me a place to vent in an honest and open way, something I desperately need.
heretochat
heretochat
Depression often goes by side in infertility struggle.
It is so frustrating. You feel like your life is on hold. Every cycle waiting for the widow of opportunity to come, revolving your life plans around trying to conceive and then waiting in hope that you have fallen pregnant. Then with a failed attempt ( my 1st round ICSI, another one de ivf) you have to muster up the hope and optimism that you will be successful next time. It is exhausting – physically, mentally, emotionally and on the relationship. Meds do influence much our emotions. But we should be strong and brave. Good luck to all with your cycles!