Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Feeling defeated and exhausted.

sadgirl1724
sadgirl1724

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 16 months, we did get pregnant 2 years ago but lost her. I have never experienced grief like that (and I lost my mother a few years ago so I am familiar with death/loss), I am still living through the loss everyday. Everyone at that time told me to be strong and I'll be pregnant before I know it because I am so healthy, young, etc. (I was 31 at the time). So I kept swallowing the pain and just trying to fill the void with another pregnancy. Now I'm 33 and we just started our infertility journey 3 months ago. I have felt so alone and depressed these last 2 years even though I have a large loving family and wonderful husband. Everytime I do try to open up about how I feel I just feel guilty about sounding so desparate for a baby. And then finally I joined this forum today. Already I have read stories that have given me strength and responded to those that are going through similar issues. I am taking letrazole with HCG trigger shots and did ovulate this month (which is a small triumph in it's own as that wasn't even happening for a long time). But every month the last 16 months I get a period or see a negative pregnancy test I just die inside. I just want to cry and cry and cry. But I can't, I have to work, I have to love my husband, father, sister and be smiling and move on. Although inside I just want to crawl into bed and lay still. Time goes so slow, I feel so lost. I don't understand why this happening to me. I know I am hopeful it will happen eventually but I am just so exhausted and feeling so defeated. I don't think I can give up as of yet but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. It's almost easier to just not try at all than to pretend like I'm fine and everyday be hopeful that I'll see a positive on that damn stick. Sigh. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and allowing me to share mine. I hope we all get what we want and deserve one day. 

ARS
ARS
I just started seeing my fertility doctor last week and joined this forum also so we can be in this together! I know the heartbreak every month feeling like there is something wrong with you after you have talked yourself into how this could be the month and getting your hopes up. It is the absolute worst. In my experience I feel like when I open up to others I just get the classic "oh it will happen" and "it is just stress" which is so minimizing and just pisses me off! I hate that when I hear that from others.
ATC_Alli
ATC_Alli
"just relax and it will happen" whoever coined that phrase can stick it where the sun don't shine. It's crazy to me that going into my journey I never gave infertility a second thought, I never heard of anyone struggling with it or even know of all the medical reasons a couple might struggle. I have learned more from this site than anywhere else and it truly has been a blessing stumbling across this site. I think it's ok to lay in bed for a day and cry, I do it every time I get my period. I crawl in with some ice cream or wine and my puppy and just feel sorry for myself. I give myself one to two period days to be a POS then I try to be more positive until my next cycle is due. It's hard, it's defeating, it's confusing, it's unfair, it's humiliating, demoralizing, but we're all here because we want to be mom's, so hang in there and good luck!
AP123
AP123
I just turned 34 in June, and I feel like time is running out. I feel really guilty about it, but my husband's best friend just announced that they're pregnant yesterday when they came for dinner. I know I should feel nothing but happiness for them- they are such good people, but my heart completely sank. I tried my best to put my happy face on bc they deserve this moment, but I just wanted to ball up and cry. Of course I offered to help in any way and I let her gush about her plans for a baby room and tried my best to reciprocate her excitement, it's just really hard. I think about fostering and adopting but then see videos of adoptees reuniting with their birth mothers and how emotional they are and think, I'll never have that special bond that a child has with their "real mother" that gave them life. That thought kills me.
MrsO.
MrsO.
I had a failed transfer in February and getting that phone call was devastating. My husband said it was like watching me get the call when my father died all over again. It is a grief that is unimaginable and unexplainable. I pushed the grief down and down until it came exploding out. I had to take a week off work sick and just lay in bed crying. But afterwards, I felt relief. To just let myself be sad and grieve for that loss made the pain easier to bear. Let yourself grieve in your own time and your own way. Give yourself some space to just mourn and be sad.

We also actively stopped trying for a while so I could have a few months were I wasn't hoping it would amazingly happen and feel devastated when it didn't (even though we have been trying for 4 years and have never had a pregnancy). That made a huge difference to me and meant that my period was expected and not horrible. It was still a reminder, but felt like a choice and not a failure.
sadgirl1724
sadgirl1724
Thank you everyone for your strong words and your love. I feel like I have a family I can rely on whenever I'm having a down day. We will all make loving mother's one day soon hopefully.