Some days I feel fine, other days I feel like I think this is never going to happen for us, like you said - exhausted and discouraged. But, when I do feel down, I remind myself the alternative, and I'd rather fight like hell to get to our family. I don't think your feelings are premature, it's really hard. It's been a whole year since we started seeing an RE, and oddly, the first few months with emotions was really hard to wrap my head around. I thought i would feel more empowered that we were going to get some answers, but really it just felt like a bunch of appointments and waiting - which waiting is the enemy lol. It's completely ok to feel how you are feeling :) May is so soon, and I hope that once your husband has his procedure, you'll feel better to keep going and this solves everything for you both. I think if you can try to explain to him that your feelings aren't to do with him or blaming him, but simply the emotional aspect of wanting your child for both you and him so badly. You're scared and nervous, and despite who has what, you're both allowed to be emotional about it. Hang in there and stick together with your husband. You can be supportive of him but also sad for yourself. There is no right way in how to feel or deal with this. Feel better XX

Hi there and first of all, I am very sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how it feels when you are literally just in the waiting game of it all, and going through testing. It's tough waiting between appointments with no answers and no direction. I remember being at the very beginning of the testing and being convinced it was my fault that we weren't getting pregnant. I mean when I say I was convinced, I truly believed I was unworthy of having a baby. I was hyper-focused on my career and graduating with my Master's and thought I was too selfish to have a baby. Fast forward to today, and that is anything but true, but those beginning stages of the waiting game, are anxiety-ridden.

My husband also had (still has) a vericocele. We had it corrected back in Sept., but his numbers have not improved and he continues to struggle with it. 3 trips back to the Urologist later, and he is being put on Clomid to try to increase his numbers. We asked about surgery, but it is fairly invasive, and the doc is not confident that it would help. I have had some very bad moments of blaming him and feeling resentment. I won't be completely direct with him in the blame game, but I know he senses it and feels it, as he will say 'this is all my fault, I can't give you a baby' or, 'you could literally get pregnant with anyone else'. Although this may be true, the alternative of being with someone else is and will never be something that I'll want. My husband is going to make an amazing father, and so I have to stay focused on that! Try to think about all of the good things about him. What do you love about him? Trust me, I know it is very difficult, because all you want is a baby. Even now, I'll get very upset when we have disappointments during our cycle. When we had a very low fertilization rate (3 eggs fertilized out of 21), I immediately blamed his sperm. The funny thing is, we don't even know if that was the cause, but I needed something/someone to blame. Thankfully he is strong and knows it's just the pain and anxiety talking, and helps me work through it all. The truth is (at least if you choose to pursue IVF), there are multiple factors that go into getting pregnant, and I've realized, that it's not just one thing or another that causes the failure of pregnancy or a miscarriage. In fact, it's truly all out of our control.

Wishing you all the very best. Hang in there.

Hi,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. The waiting game is tough, especially when you're ready to get the ball rolling. I can't relate to MFI because we have FFI...i.e. I'm to blame lol. I can tell you from my perspective that I get upset that I can't provide my husband a child, but he's so understanding of it all. He'll get upset with me even though he's good on his end. I'm praying that the treatment will work and this will be your year.

“My advice to others is stay strong - things happen when you least expect it. You are also a lot stronger than you think you are."

I read that and it helped me so wanting to pass it along.. stay strong!

I feel ya, at times I just want to throw in the towel, and then other days I have a renewed hope that pushes me forward. I am coming to accept that everyday I may feel differently, and am trying to take it one step at a time; one appointment, one fertile window, one more round of medication...
The primary reason for our fert issues was my partner's sperm (high dna fragmentation) this came with the info that conception is unlikely and IVF is not an option. I found myself too not knowing how to have discussions about it without blaming him. I also felt completely out of control because up to that point I felt like what could improve our chances were within my control so I was able to do those. I would struggle particularly when my perception was he was not doing the things that the dr. suggested to improve his fragmentation, and was (still am) trying to accept that there may be no way to improve his sperm.

On a positive note for you, my Fert. Dr. ruled out varicocele for my partner, while I though this was good news, he said he was hopeful it was that because it pin points the issue and in his opinion, from a dr. point of view, would have been easier to treat rather than continuing not to know what was going on. I say this not to minimize your struggle (I hope it doesn't come across as that) but to say I am really hopeful that after your husbands surgery you guys will see improvements in his sperm count and be successful with conceiving! May might feel like an eternity away, but it's just around the corner.

This is a tough way to pass, ladies. Unfortunately we can't do much about it.
At the start of our journey we had/have an incredibly loving home. We had had a long happy relationship together. And I knew we had so much to give. I had seen happy families created this way.  I saw beautiful children brought to life.  A good friend of mine had just had a donor egg baby that I adored.  They were/are excellent parents and their home is full of love and joy. I saw numerous stories of beautiful DE families. My heart felt warm for them. I wanted that too so much. But the thought of going there traumatized me.  The pain was unbearable. So we wanted to start treatments as soon as possible. I can fully relate to you. Every other visit to a fertility expert was a challenge for me. Doing private cryings after it I felt better but for a couple of hours pretending I'd never had been to infertility struggles. We passed 1 failed ICSI cycle. Then another round ivf with donor eggs overseas. Which brought no luck.. Another one. Successful. But noone can describe the amount of anxiety we feel with every other step. Noone finds the right words for failure pains. This is how our hearts each time break and heal again. To move on with our brave faces on. I'm praying for every struggling couple/single ladies here. Be blessed always!