I have been battling with the same questions. I feel selfish when I feel what I feel, but I can't help it. I think you have a right to be upset, but you have no choice but to get over it. We all do, it's hard to understand why some people are blessed with babies and other's aren't. I keep trying to tell myself that one day it will be my turn and none of them will matter then. I also know that I will be more appreciative when it is and realize how blessed I am.

When I first started reading this, I thought maybe your mom was being considerate to inform you so that you didn't show up at a family function and not know that your bro was expecting. Then I read more about how she's excited and wanting you to be excited and my thoughts are "HELL YEAH BE MAD"!!!!

But then again I've been mad for months and months (we tried for 13 months, finally got our BFP and then miscarried at the end of the 1st trimester). I'm so flippin pissed at God and everyone else that has multiple children, everyone that hasn't had to go through this, everyone that has a kid and doesn't deserve it, etc.

To answer your main question - it's natural to be mad, jealous, sad, etc. I would recommend acknowledging it, cry, scream, rage when you can (obviously at work isn't a good place) but then try to let it go. I'm sure you know this, but when we hold onto our anger, we are the ones that hurt the longest. It lets our hearts turn bitter and we miss out on the other good stuff in life. Unfortunately there are going to be ppl out there who don't deserve kids, who will abuse them, not treat them right, etc, but we can't change that. We could use our anger to make this world better.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't a one time deal, it could be something you practice monthly, weekly, hourly, even every minute. I struggle with this all the time, it's a cycle of anger, let go, anger, let go.

And I hate to be ugly towards your mom, but if she's never been through this, she won't understand. Even though she loves you and says she understands, she doesn't. No one who hasn't been through this can understand, that's why I'm on here so much. I don't bother talking to any of my family about this.

Good luck and come back often, the women here are amazing and really helpful.

You have every right to be upset. It's bullshit. It's not fair. And it's unfortunately the life we are all living. Personally, I don't believe in god. I was raised believing, though not really attending church until I was a teenager and started going on my own. But over the years, for many reasons, I have come to stop believing. This is one of those reasons. How could any god that supposedly loves his children allow for foolishness like this to go on. Believers will say he works in mysterious ways, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, if believing gives you some sort of comfort in times like this, then I'm happy that you at least have that in your life, but I just don't see what possible reason god could have for doing this to you, or any of us. None of us deserve this. None of us are learning any kind of lesson from this. None of us need this in order to love or appreciate a child. We would have, even if we got pregnant the minute we started trying. That's the unjust-ness of it all. The ones that deserve the love that a child brings are the ones that aren't able to have them. While the asshats of the world continue to reproduce at an alarming rate. If god is just, then how could he let this go on?
Sorry for ranting on and on about my atheism, I promise I'm not trying to start a religious debate. I'm just making the point that you have every reason to pissed about this. We all do. You are not wrong for feeling that way, and quite frankly, your mom is an idiot for thinking that you would and/or should be happy for your brother.

In my family, my younger sister and 2 younger cousins all got pregnant last year. Not that any of them are on drugs, but none of them were ready. It was a tough year, to say the least. I was pissed. At them, at life, at the world in general. The good news is, I eventually got over it (mostly). I now am the primary babysitter for my nephew (since I don't work much), and I love spending time with him.

I think the thing that keeps me from shooting someone in the face is my sense of humor, and my level of realism. Even though I want to be pissed off about it all, I also understand that walking around like grumpy cat all the time will not only "not" fix my problem, but in fact will make it worse. So I have my moments of blind seething rage, then tell myself that it could be worse (I could be Kourtney Kardashian) and move on with my life.

Judging by the snarky sarcasm in your post, I'm guessing that you too suffer from hilarious awesomeness syndrome, and will have little trouble getting past this. Take your time, get your aggression out (perhaps you should hit up bro for a little pot?), and then go back to being awesome. You'll be ok. We all will. Eventually. ;)

I think the other ladies summed it up pretty well, you do have a right to be angry, but somehow we have to find a way to accept it. I do hate though when family members tell me to get over it, and that I am being selfish for being upset. As if they have an room to talk about being selfish, they are bringing children into this world with no way to provide for them, now that is selfish. And you should toot your own horn, you are a successful person and you deserve a child just as much as your other family members. I used to think that going to church and praying to God would eventually give us our miracle, but after six long years and now I see all the aweful people out there having children, I realize that is just matter of luck. Some people have good luck in certain areas of life and others do not. And unfortunately for my Dh and I we are in the same situation as you and your husband, the only way were going to have children is to spend thousands of dollars. It sucks and it is completely unfair, but somehow we have to learn to get through it. I wish I could figure out how to but for me some days are better than others. Polydoly13 said it good, it is a cycle that continues; anger, let go, anger, let go. I hope that soon you are able to get your miracle and keep holding on to hope :))

OMG I asked the same question all the time. I work in a jail and I see the women that come in and the women in the county I live in and wonder how the hell is it that they can have kids when women like us are struggling wanting to bring the wonderful gift of life in this world. I truly get mad as hell. I mean dang they don't even care about the baby all they care about is that next fix! I've cried so many nights asking God why is that possible. So I know exactly what you're going through.

Yes, I think you definitely have the right to be angry! I am in a similar situation myself. My younger sister is now pregnant for the fourth time with her loser, unemployed asshole of a boyfriend. The first and third times ended in abortion, the second with my niece, and now she's expecting a baby boy in August. My parents understand my frustration, but not my rage. They don't understand why I can't just be happy for her. First of all, no one knows about my IF struggles so they don't understand that aspect of it. Second of all...her boyfriend doesn't work and never will. They live in a tiny disgusting one bedroom apartment and already share that one bedroom with my two and a half year old niece and a giant ill-trained German Shepherd. She is down to pennies in her bank account at the end of every week. But no, it's okay, this is the right decision because she wants my niece to have a sibling. WTF. My husband and I have been married for three years. We are ridiculously responsible people and want a baby more than anything in the world, and we are surrounded by people like my sister who keep pumping them out and then people don't understand why I'm not leaping for joy. Ugh. It's just not fair. We have every right to be mad!

I don't think God sees your brother as more deserving of a child than you are. I honestly hate to think that God has anything to do with IF in general, because if he did, people like us would be parents, and drug addicts and murderers would be the ones struggling with endometriosis and PCOS and the like. I am confident that the time will come for both of us. It's just a really horrible struggle getting there. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I think, when the time comes, it will also make us better parents. Keep your head up :)

I absolutely think you have a right to feel angry, sad, bitter, whatever it may be... I completely understand. We've been struggling with infertility for 3 years now. Have done 3 failed medicated cycles, 3 failed IUIs and now 2 failed IVFs... The odds are daunting and really stacked against me, huh? I completely agree. I'm married to the love of my life, he will be graduating from grad school in May, we both have stable jobs, loving families, and a home. I don't know the answer to all the "why's"... I work with inner city teenage mothers, their children and infants- counseling them on nutrition.... I'm blown away by how God could give such blessings to unbelieveably ungrateful people. I have to continue to tell myself, deep down, that there is a reason and a purpose as to why I'm going through all this suffering. I will be thinking of you!!!

In short YES. I'd be freaking livid. I think its normal to feel that way. My view always was feel the moment and then let it go. You don't want it to consume you as you pursue your dreams. But we've all felt like that as we all know someone who should definitely not be pregnant.

My heart goes out to you. I have to say I relate all too much. I have younger brothers who are incredibly irresponsible, and I straight up told them if they knock a girl up before I get preggo, I will push her down the stairs. It is absolutely not allowed. I give them shit about using protection AT ALL TIMES. DH has a cousin who has 3 kids, 3 diff. dads who just picked up and took off to florida leaving kids with gma and gma didn't even know she was going. For years gma was pretty much raising kids anyways while cousin lived off the state. I have alot of anger and bitterness in me. It causes problems with me and DH. I haven't been dealing well, but i'm really trying to work on it. I totally agree, that it needs to come in waves of angry, let go, angry, let go. I have all the angry's piling up, but still need work on the letting go part :-)

I would be angry if I was in your situation. I encounter this stuff all the time...my mom calls me everytime she finds out one of my HS friends gets pregnant and such like I even care. Then I get mad at myself for being mad about people being pregnant wither they deserve a baby or not. When my brother and his wife got pregnant with their 2nd child they told us on Christmas and then when my brother and my husband were outside my brother said "I hope your not mad because we are having another baby and you guys keep striking out!" ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? He was such a loser at that time in his life and he has the nerve to say that to my husband....it was not pretty at all....it was a huge battle and still to this day I really want nothing to do with him because everytime we argue about something he always says "well atleast I can enjoy being a parent"

Hang in there and pray pray pray