Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I'm new to this group and I really just need support on how to handle my family.
To give you a little background. My husband and I have been married for about 8 years....during all those years we had a lot of difficulties, financially, physically, mentally with just everyday things. While going through all that we always were trying to have children and had done one IUI, but didn't have the means for more, but after years and years of trying we never were successful. So we saved and started with another doctor in May of 2013, she wanted to put me on meds and that has taken until Dec. to all work out and in Dec. they shut down to do cleaning and inventory....so I was waiting till January...meanwhile...
My baby brother just got married in this November 2013. I found out right before new years that they are expecting. After giving them both hugs and choking out a congratulations. I later went home and cried...I couldn't stop.
It wasn't about how they were pregnant...it was about how I was the oldest child and it was something I felt that would give me a "need" to the family. See I'm not the favorite in my family (my brothers are) so having a grandchild was going to be the only way I felt like I was worth something to them. Now that has been taken from me...and to make everything worse, my mother nor my father have asked how I am or said anything about it. All I was hoping for was a text, a call something to say "We know this must be hard and we love you, and will love your children too" or something like that. But nothing after almost a month...they talk to me about stuff they need, but never to really see how I am or act like they care. I've tried giving them a benefit of a double thinking well maybe they think it will be difficult and upset me, but not talking about it makes it worse. I'm not mad, just hurt all the way around. It hurts to feel like I've been kicked to the side and my brand new sister in law is taking my spot. I'm continuing to do my treatments, because I have been working on getting here for a year now medically and financially... I need honest opinions..Am I over reacting?
To give you a little background. My husband and I have been married for about 8 years....during all those years we had a lot of difficulties, financially, physically, mentally with just everyday things. While going through all that we always were trying to have children and had done one IUI, but didn't have the means for more, but after years and years of trying we never were successful. So we saved and started with another doctor in May of 2013, she wanted to put me on meds and that has taken until Dec. to all work out and in Dec. they shut down to do cleaning and inventory....so I was waiting till January...meanwhile...
My baby brother just got married in this November 2013. I found out right before new years that they are expecting. After giving them both hugs and choking out a congratulations. I later went home and cried...I couldn't stop.
It wasn't about how they were pregnant...it was about how I was the oldest child and it was something I felt that would give me a "need" to the family. See I'm not the favorite in my family (my brothers are) so having a grandchild was going to be the only way I felt like I was worth something to them. Now that has been taken from me...and to make everything worse, my mother nor my father have asked how I am or said anything about it. All I was hoping for was a text, a call something to say "We know this must be hard and we love you, and will love your children too" or something like that. But nothing after almost a month...they talk to me about stuff they need, but never to really see how I am or act like they care. I've tried giving them a benefit of a double thinking well maybe they think it will be difficult and upset me, but not talking about it makes it worse. I'm not mad, just hurt all the way around. It hurts to feel like I've been kicked to the side and my brand new sister in law is taking my spot. I'm continuing to do my treatments, because I have been working on getting here for a year now medically and financially... I need honest opinions..Am I over reacting?
As far as your sister in law, I kind of understand. I am very close with my sister in law and she knows how DH and I have struggled with IF and miscarriage over the last 6 years, but she just had her 2nd baby a few weeks ago. It has made me a little resentful because she and I were pregnant at the same time, but I had a miscarriage, so it has been hard for me to be around her and my new nephew , even though, of course it is neither of their faults.
I wish you luck with your current treatments.
I agree with @smh06 that you need to communicate with them. Write a letter, send an email, have a conversation, something. Unfortunately, I don't think this is going to get any easier as your sister-in-law's pregnancy progresses, so better to address it now than to let it fester and blow up one day (or just implode inside of your heart.)
You can't control other people and how they behave. You can't make someone understand your pain. But, you CAN control yourself. Share how bittersweet this situation is for you and how much infertility has affected your life and how it's wonderful to see good things happening to people you love, but it's also very difficult to watch someone else achieve your dream so easily. Be direct. Tell them that you need their compassion and sensitivity right now, and while you want to celebrate this pregnancy with your brother, you are also grieving your own lost dream and you hope that they can be gentle with you if you need space or to tear up or seem awkward at times. Ask to work through this journey together and support each other. I could go on and on, but you get my point!
I just think that no matter how anyone else reacts, you'll feel better taking control of what you can by sharing how YOU feel and how this situation affects YOU. My experience has been that once you open up and share your vulnerabilities, people soften and know a little bit better how to be there for you.
Good for you for moving forward with your treatments anyways. You are doing this for you and your DH not them. Good luck and welcome to the group!
I would think that my parents would have consoled me in some form during all this but they did not. They were more concerned on how my brother was going to afford raising a child and also becoming grandparents for the 1st time. People that are not going through this, just really dont get it. You are not over reacting.. at all! I wish you the best. Keep me posted on your fertility journey.