Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
My husband and I have been TTC for over 2 1/2 years. Through our journey my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were also dealing with infertility. Last month they told us that their 3rd round of IVF was successful (after three years of TTC). This happened to be the same day that AF arrived for me. Needless to say, I did not take the news well and actually had to leave work after I got the phone call. Thankfully I had to work that day, because if I hadn't, I would have gone with my husband to his parents, where they wanted to tell the entire family together, instead of telling my husband and me while we were alone. Knowing I wasn't emotionally able to talk with my sister-in-law in person that night, I sent a text messege congratulating her and left it at that. Two weeks ago we were at my in-laws with other family members when they thought it would be a good idea to bring the ultrasound out and show me that they were having twins, in front of the entire family. I congratulated them, hugged them, and tried my hardest not to break down in front of everyone else, but had to leave the room for a bit. It was so hurtful that they did this to me in front of the rest of the family- especially since they have been in my shoes. Of course I am happy for them, but am having a really difficult time emotionally the past few months and haven't been able to bring myself to talking with her.
I emailed last week, trying to explain what I have been feeling and shared with her that I know that I need to get some help to deal with the feelings I have been having. She was the first person I confided in about my need to get help. She shot a hurtful email back telling me that I am immature, accusing me of being insincere with my support when I was supportive of her through her procedures, and telling me that it isn't about me anymore- it is about them. As my husband put it and shared with his brother- they of all people should understand that all I needed was time, but instead they decided to kick me while I am at the lowest point I have ever been.
I have such hateful feelings toward them right now and don't even know how to proceed in dealing with them. Any suggestions??
I emailed last week, trying to explain what I have been feeling and shared with her that I know that I need to get some help to deal with the feelings I have been having. She was the first person I confided in about my need to get help. She shot a hurtful email back telling me that I am immature, accusing me of being insincere with my support when I was supportive of her through her procedures, and telling me that it isn't about me anymore- it is about them. As my husband put it and shared with his brother- they of all people should understand that all I needed was time, but instead they decided to kick me while I am at the lowest point I have ever been.
I have such hateful feelings toward them right now and don't even know how to proceed in dealing with them. Any suggestions??
I haven't spoken to my sister much over the past months. When I do speak to her, I often end up with hurt feelings. (And I've also hurt hers.) It's just so hard for us to talk when we're in such different places. I've thought and prayed a lot about what I should do. Right now I am just keeping my distance from her. She needs support that I am not able to provide, but I know she can get it from others. I also need support, but I realize that she can't provide it right now.
I have chosen not to have deep discussions with her about how I'm feeling. When I do communicate with her, I keep it light and go out of my way not to talk about my infertility. I lean on other friends and family instead who are able to be more supportive. It is truly disappointing that she isn't able to be a part of your support group considering the the circumstances.
I hope this helps. You're not alone. I, too, can say that I am at a low point.
Meanwhile, you are heartbroken and trying to be gracious and happy for them while still sad for yourself at the same time.
SPACE will give both of you what you need.
They need a little perspective to come down to earth and remember how hard they struggled and that you are STILL struggling. YOU need a little perspective to get past your own sucker-punched-feelings and get your grace back a little.
Just give yourself some space and then re-address the issue, on your terms, when YOU are ready.
When your time comes you will not have anything to do with her because of what she is doing now. I have never asked anyone to hide their joy, but dont push it in my face to make me feel bad either. And it seem to me that she has done just that.
We have all been there - so we now exactly how down & out we feel from one day to the next.
I don't know about you being immature (or whatever she claims you are), but you did the right thing to reach out to her & explain your feelings.
On the other hand, I can only imagine how pleased with themselves they are feeling esp as this is their 3rd IVF - i'd be please as punch too! :) So, I can understand that she wants to yell from the roof tops and tell everyone her GREAT news.
Is breaking away from her worth it? Do you want to be part of their childrens lives? Only you can figure these things out. Does your RE's office have a councellor? Maybe you can work with them to learn how to deal with these very painful feelings. I read your profile too - maybe you can also discuss treatment options too that can complement your acupuncture.
I really do hope that you can come to a good place in all this.
My older sister had a baby in Sept '08 - I was so upset with her and told her so too!!!!! She found out she was pregnant (i happened to be visiting her that week) and she was so scared to come home & tell me bevause she knew I had been trying for 11/2 at this point, that she sat in the pub near her house for 2 hours to work up the courage to tell me! I promised myself then that while i will be sad that i am not pregnant, I would NEVER begrudge/be upset that some else is - REGARDLESS of how long it did/did not take them to get pregnant. Now my nephew is here & I love him like he is mine!
Take care of yourself! :)