Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Coping with my emotions

MrsO.
MrsO.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3.5 years and over that time, I feel like I've been though every imaginable emotion, and some I couldn't have imagined.


We had a failed frozen transfer in February and the clinic wants me to have three cycles before the next. Since then, I've been really struggling with anger and I don't know what to do anymore.


I'm angry that I'm just waiting. I keep telling myself "I'll be pregnant by ...." and those dates are passing and I'm just still waiting. Counting days and cycles. 42 periods I hoped would never come ... 9 different medications ... 7 weeks of injections. And nothing.


I'm angry at the hollow comments I keep getting from those I've chosen to share this with. "Keep your chin up", "You're so strong". I just want to scream at them that every day is a battle to plaster a smile on my face and get through.


I'm angry that it feels like time is passing and my life is on hold. Milestones keep passing and nothing changes. We celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary this year but instead of a celebration, it felt like a failure. Like after 10 years of marriage we have nothing to show.


I'm angry that I'm sitting back watching everyone around me have what we so desperately want. I'm angry that they don't seem to appriciate how lucky they are. Don't they know I'd love to have morning sickness. I've love to have sleepness nights holding my child. I'd love to have a messy home from my children playing and learning about the world.


I'm angry at myself. I feel like such a failure. Not only can I not have a child, but I'm now a basket of emotions that I feel no one wants to be around. I can see everyone watching me. Not knowing what to say or how to act around me.


And I'm sad. I'm just so sad.

michie97
michie97
I feel the same way, no one really understands this awful feeling except those in the same boat and when people try to make you feel better you just want to lose it. I understand the empty feeling and that being angry with yourself because you feel like a failure like what is wrong with me! Too many people don't realize how lucky they are, and then being angry at yourself for feeling so jealous. I hope you are doing okay and hopefully it helped getting some of this off your chest!!
ATC_Alli
ATC_Alli
Your post is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Not only do I hate that I feel like a failure, I hate how this journey is starting to change me. I don't feel my happy self anymore, I don't have the patience I used to, I am so jealous of others and it's making me feel ugly.
MrsO.
MrsO.
Thanks @michie97 and @ATC_Alli When I wrote my post I felt so alone and your responses have reminded me that I am not. Although I wish no one else had to go through this, it's comforting to know that others are feeling the same as me. It makes me feel less crazy!

You expressed exactly how I feel @ATC_Alli when you said that you feel your journey is changing you. I could also see the bright side of things and managed to remain hopeful and positive for so much this. But it seems the past few months have just been one disappointment after another, compounded by my sister-in-law's pregnancy. We're a close knit family and it is the first grandchild, which we just took for granted we would have. We have been trying to conceive since before she even met her husband. And I hate these feelings of jealousy, but it's just such a reminder of how long we have been going through this. I just feel like my heart is broken and it's preventing me from feeling happy for others anymore.
fffFFF
fffFFF
I am sorry you are going through this. I wish you all the best luck
morgan_noel33
morgan_noel33
I have said every word you wrote in your post. It sounds like we are experiencing the same exact journey. My sister is actually pregnant and it will be the first grandchild. It has totally destroyed me to think of my mom and dad becoming grandparents and it's not to my child. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, have a nice home, both work full time jobs and nothing. We get rewarded with nothing. I just can't wrap my mind around it. It does change you and I'm to the point to where I want to give up and just let go but how. How do I make myself give up on the thing I want most in life? I just want to not feel this emptiness anymore. I hope your dreams come true and you become a mother soon! Every time you get down, know you are not alone!
MrsO.
MrsO.
I'm struggling with deciding how to move forward too. My husband and I talked about taking a break from it all last night. He's been so amazing and supportive and said he's behind me 100% no matter what I decided, and I know he is. Part of me can't take this heartbreak anymore. We still have frozen embryos, and could potentially go for another transfer in my next cycle. I'm just so scared it will fail and am not sure I could take the heartbreak again. We would find out around the time that she would be ready to give birth and I don't know if that would be too much. On the other hand, I can't shake this hope and dream of a family. If I could be guaranteed it would work, I would do it in a heartbeat.
EBart1003
EBart1003
We are all struggling and going through similar treatments, etc. that being said, what I've learned through our infertility journey is that even though we are all experiencing "infertility" we are also all very different. I cannot sit her and say I know how you feel because I don't. You don't know how I feel, but I have empathy for you. I won't tell you "it's going to be ok" or "chin up" because I know how much of a slap in the face that is. Rely on your support system. Cry if you want to cry, be sad if you want to be sad. Because the truth is this is your journey and you should have the right to deal with it the way you want! ❤️
mrsmooney826
mrsmooney826
I have said and or felt literally Everything you said! It is depressing, angering, exhausting, embarrassing... the whole 9 yards! I was SO mad all the time! At everything and nothing all the same. I honestly don't know how we stayed married through it all... because it took SUCH a toll on my marriage.
Nothing you are saying or feeling is out of the ordinary. I would suggest you vent vent vent and find folks who have been there so you never feel alone! You are not unusual or a bad person because of your feelings! Own them, process them, and move on from them. Don't let them control you.... that's when you truly lose the battle. HUGS!
LabFairy84
LabFairy84
Me too! How does everyone deal with their anger? I'm a completely different person. I've had 2 miscarriages. 1 was an ectopic and lost my left tube. Now we're doing IVF and have done 1 fresh cycle so far. I can't stop being angry. What kind of coping skills does everyone use? Prayer is out of the question for me. I have no faith any more.
LabFairy84
LabFairy84
3 losses total. 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic.
lilie315
lilie315
I know this sounds pretty bad, but i'm glad that i'm not the only one who thinks of herself as a failure. For what it's worth, i am sitting here right now trying my best not to cry b/c i don't want to. I don't want to acknowledge it and let it win. If i cry and give into the emotions, then i'm letting it win. i hate the jealousy too.. .. i hate hurting my husband by having to talk about it all the time.. i try going to my support system, but then i'm torn. Shouldn't i be talking and sharing this with my husband? But it's hard on him too! He doesn't like seeing me upset and more than i like seeing him upset. This journey has so much power.. build up or tear down a relationship... thats just what i need personally - more stress. sending love to you all xo
MrsO.
MrsO.
Can I just say you women are all so amazing! Thank you so much for all your words of encouragement and support. It's been a tough few weeks and I did really hit the lowest I've felt in our infertility journey. I was feeling so much anger and jealousy because underneath it all, I was just so so sad for us and it left me no room to be happy for anyone else. So I've spent the past few weeks hiding from the world and just being sad. I've stopped pushing it away and telling myself to "be strong" but just sat with it and felt it. By focusing on me and taking care of my feelings first, I've actually been able to come to terms with the pregnancies around me, specifically my sister-in-law.

Thank you all so much for you support. I hope I can be for you all to when you are feeling low too.
Jash
Jash
Mrs.O I have gone through the same feelings like you and it hurts really badly . I have my 9yr anniversary and never imagined I won't have a baby yet . Beginning this year I started my IVF cycle and both times failed .. I hit rock bottom and have taken a break. My brother in law got married in June and the worst feeling was what if they have a child before me..I don't kniw why it still hurts and why I feel jealous but seeing these posts it seems to be natural for a lot of us going through infertility . I constantly compare and get worried and current ly trying to focus on me and my dreams.I hope everyone finds the inner strength and get to be mother's soon enough . prayers to all of us .