Last week was a rough one. I got my very first BFP, but it wasn't really big and fat at all. When the nurse called to give me the results of the pregnancy test, she cautiously told me it was a low positive. I wasn't sure how to react; I never had a positive test before, but it was low, so I was afraid to get my hopes up. There was still a part of me that was screaming for joy, and I was imagining what it would be like to finally start our family. I read online that even if it's a low positive, that's not necessarily a bad thing - as long as your numbers keep doubling like they're supposed to. The nurse told me it could go either way, but of course, it went the way I didn't want it to. I started spottiing that night, I was bleeding more the following day, and I started a full flow the day after. Another blood test confirmed my number was dropping rather than increasing, and the last one I had came back as a negative test. I know I should be glad that I am able to get pregnant; I've spent the last three years wondering if that was even possible. And I'm grateful I miscarried very early on rather than later, and at least I knew the chances weren't the best. But it was still very disappointing and upsetting; I'm sure a lot of you have had chemical pregnancies and worse. I'm trying to stay positive; I just started Clomid again today, so maybe this month will work. (BTW, that happened on my first cycle being monitored by an RE, so it is encouraging.) But it's so hard thinking that this could happen again, or nothing will happen at all. Not sure which is worse...

Thanks for "listening", and sending you all lots of baby dust!