Hi I'm a newbie. As I lay here in bed awaiting my progesterone test in a couple of hours I can't stop thinking about how infertile I am. It's such a dark and lonely feeling. For the most part I'm able to turn it off and just go about my day naturally. But yesterday my hunsbands sister in law told me she was 12 weeks along. It's so hard to be happy for her I desperately want to and feel so guilty thinking I deserve it more. Friends family acquaintances my 16 yr old cousin. All pregnant. I have PCOS, a septated uterus, and since Friday my RE said I may also have Endometriosis. First visit to an RE we've had. We have been trying for two years. Clomid. No luck what so ever. I feel guilty that my husband has to put up with me. And I feel guilty of keeping him from the family he wants. I watch him play with my friends baby and rock him to sleep and my womb and heart aches. All I want is to experience what it's like to see two lines on a pregnancy test. To go to all the appointments getting images of my baby (instead of my empty womb) to go to the hospital in labor as my husband stands next to me coaching me through the contractions. To stay awake with a fussy baby. And then stay awake while theyre asleep wondering how they are doing in the next room. To go through the terrible twos and the embarrassing trantrum in the middle of target. It's so hard to talk to people they either treat me as if my condition is trivial or they do actually feel for me. But all they can say is gods timing is perfect. It'll happen for you. But I can't help to think that there's a fare amount of science that goes into making a baby and it's not gods timing preventing me from having a baby but the science of having a baby preventing me from having a baby. My faith is shaking. I laid down to bed last night and called on him and then said I don't know what to say. And closed my eyes. My RE said stay the corse and I don't see why you shouldn't be successful in 5-6 months. But I've heard that before. If I don't need any surgery for my septum and endometriosis we will start with IUI in the next months. And if that doesn't work IVF. I know they'll come a time when we hit a financial wall and I'll be angry at my husband for not making more money. Angry because I don't make as much money. But it's not his fault he's the one with the "impressive" Sperm count. I've never been so low before.. 

if you made it to the end of this thank you. And please leave your feed back. I really need the support and encouragement right now. Thanks ladies and fellas.