Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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lina2008 09/28/2012

My friend gave birth to her son about a week ago. She has suffered through IF though her problem was PCOS rather than unexplained infertility like me.

I've had a very difficult time dealing with her pregnancy as not only is she the third person to get pregnant since my miscarriage, but also I had a second miscarriage after IVF this year. So as her pregnancy progress, I found my self feeling more and more of those horrible feelings we experience when all seems to go right for someone else...

Not wanting to be petty (she is my best friend after all) I plucked up the courage and I rung her up today to congratulate her and her husband.

We chatted a little about her baby and her experience and then she says to me... oh I don't know how you and your hubby are but now that we have our baby, well we have grown so close... like never before' then she realises what she has said and says... oh not that you wouldn't be like that ... well you know (awkward silence from me) and then I say any way so what bout work (just to change the direction of the conversation) only for her to say.. oh line you know I just know you will have a child one day it will happen for you.. you know one day you will get to experience all this.

After that I made a little more small talk and hang up. I feel like someone has just reached into my chest and pulled out what was left of my heart. All I can think of is how I may never be able to experience that closeness with my husband, the joy of looking into my baby's eyes and know that we created that little life...

I just can't believe knowing how horrible it feels, how we don't really need any more reminders of what we may never have, she actually shoves in my face the fact that my husband and I will probably NEVER EVER experience that closeness and magic.

Right now my life sucks!

LMWT 09/28/2012

Oh hun, I am so sorry you are going through this. And for a comment like that to come from your best friend who also experienced IF must be really hard. We are all here for you! Big Hugs.

HaveFaith24 09/28/2012

So sorry your having a hard time:(. iF can be such a cruel world to live in. Your BF should of definitely been a little more considerate. Sometimes, nothing being said or a simple I'm here for you makes a world of difference. Hang in there...we have all felt like this many times and are here for you. Big hugs to you....xoxo

deleted_user 09/28/2012

I am so sorry that your friend had the nerve to say these things to you. Usually, IF women are more sensative than that, even after they achieve their miracle. But, as we see here on a near daily basis, some women, even after suffering IF, have no class! I am proud of you for making the phone call to congratulate her! BIG HUGS!!

deleted_user 09/28/2012

first of all you are bigger person than me to even make that call, my sister and BFF are pregnant right now and I don't talk to them, there is some other stuff that happened but it all had to do with how insensitive they had become just because they have babies in utero. I am so sorry to hear your friend was so terrible and if you have the courage I think you should say something to her. I hate when people are so patronizing just because they have had a baby!!! I am sorry :(

Nellysgirl 09/28/2012

I'm so sorry that your Best friend made you feel that way :-( It's amazing how hurtful things can still be said after they've experienced the same thing! I too congratulate you on your courage to stand up and be there for her, by making that initial phone call! That took some balls! Don't let her make you regret your decision. You did what you thought you should do to be a good friend, and she didn't.

deleted_user 09/28/2012

I am so sorry she said that to you! I just don't understand how people, especially other women who have experienced fertility problems, can be that insensitive and disrespectful!! You handled the situation with total class!!! I have a friend whom just had a baby after seeing a fertility specialist for a few months. One would think she would be a little more sensitive when talking to me about her baby ! Instead she says "I'm so sorry you're going through this, but anyway guess what the baby is going to be for Halloween !" It's so aggravating but even worse when it comes from a friend ! I'm here for you!!! Sending you hugs !!!!

whimsicalfool 09/28/2012

Some people can be so awful! My aunt (and godmother) is saying cruel and hurtful things about my struggles to my mom, and deliberately making her feel bad. It feels like a betrayal when good friends and family do these things. These are the people who are supposed to be your safe place when stuff goes bad! Not the ones making it worse! This experience can make your relationship with your husband stronger - because he understands and won't treat you that way. Be each other's anchor, and to hell with the inconsiderate people!

moonbeams 09/28/2012

I try really hard to make excuses for people saying stupid stuff to me...that they don't understand, that they are buying into the myths that are out there, etc. But when it is someone who has been through IF herself, there are no excuses!

My aunt said to me a few months ago that she thinks DH and I have a much closer bond than her and her husband of 40+ years. I didn't know what to say to that, but she kept explaining. She said that for her, pregnancies were never planned, they just happened. So there was no need for a discussion about how many, when they'd have them, etc that a lot of couples have. On top of that, those of us in the IF world don't just have the simple conversations of "We should have 2 or 3, and I think they should be around 3 years apart." We have real, heartfelt discussions about our lives, our beliefs, our dreams, our despairs, etc. She said that her and her husband have never been put in a place where they are forced to be completely raw-honest with each other. But she said that we are forced to that place every day.

I sat for a minute and thought about what she had said. I then said "You know, you are right. We may go through some hard times, but we always work through it."

I do not have a child and do not know if I ever will. However, I cannot imagine that if you do not have a child, that means you will never experience true love, happiness and closeness with your husband. My aunt who has been married for over 40 years and has 2 children admitted I was closer to my husband than she ever has been. I think that says a lot.

Big hugs sent to you. And btw, your friend is mean and you have every right to be upset!!!

Mendolove 09/28/2012

So sorry, you should be proud of yourself that you even called her, I don't think I would have done that and take comfort that we have all heard insensitive comments like that form new parent that have there heads up there asses, my girl friend, the only one at the time who knew everything about my IF issues, after her father in law thanked her for having another baby and she said right in front of me "oh it was easy" then she looked straight at me - whatever you fertile cow!!! Hang in there hon, people just suck!!!
Susan
xox

deleted_user 09/28/2012

Ridiculously insensitive! Sad that it came from an IF girl and that she forgot so soon. I know how difficult it was for you to deal with her pregnancy and congratulate her after the birth. You're an amazing friend....I'm so sorry that she didn't reciprocate. Big hug!

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