Im so so sorry that you are going through this journey as the rest of us are. I, 100% feel your feelings are normal for any person in our situation. It gets harder as time passes to see everyone around you pregnant. I, too feel as though wherever I go, someone is pregnant or there are tons of beautiful baby bellies around and not one of them is mine :(. I want to reassure you and let you know that you are not alone in this journey, there are so many of us walking the same path, please lean on us when you need. As for God, no one can tell you what to feel, what to do, or what to believe, all I know is, I want to believe for myself, that He has a plan and He is working on my perfect miracle baby; maybe its taking longer than every one else, but maybe Hes preparing me for something so incredible that I need rest for now. I can only hope this is the case. I dont blame you for being angry, this journey is horrible, its tests who you are as a person, as a friend, as a wife/gf etc. I hope you find some comfort in my message. We are all with you and here to lend an ear

@MissSattc Thank you for your kind words. It does make me feel a little better to know I am not alone. I feel like I've been bottling these feelings for so long and no one seems to understand because they aren't suffering the way I am. I used to have faith that God was preparing me for my baby at the perfect time, but now I am just resentful and I am losing hope that I will get my miracle baby. I've wanted this my whole life and had to put off trying because my husband was in school and wanted to wait until he was done. Now, I am feeling resentful towards him for making me wait. Maybe if we had started trying sooner, we could have gotten pregnant by now and I wouldn't have to pretend I am happy for everyone who is getting pregnant around me while I feel like I am dying inside.
Anyway, I apologize for ranting on. I just have a lot of feelings. But I think this is a good outlet for me and I am grateful there is an online support group. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Jackie - you definitely are not alone!! I just joined this group back in Oct and it really has helped me cope with the fact I am not the only one going through these tests and trials.

My husband wanted to wait till he was out of the police academy before we started to try to get pregnant. We thought that would be the mature, grown up decision to make so that we would be able to focus on our little one. But nothing has happened for us. I, too, came off the pill for well over a year but was not "trying". I was thinking maybe this would give my body time to reset. Then we officially start trying, and NOTHING! I just turned 40 and time is not on my side. I feel so sad all the time while trying to hide it from my friends and family. Feels like I live a double life.

Just know you can be honest here and let your feelings out. This is the ONLY place I feel I can do this, rant on I mean. It helps ;)

@ready4babie, Thank you so much for making me feel better about ranting. I understand the whole wanting to be "responsible" adults and all but I think I am still having a difficult time because my husband was so sure we would get pregnant on the first try. I feel angry that I feel he almost "broke a promise" if that makes any sense. I am sorry we are going through this struggle but at least we are not alone. Thanks for sharing on my post. I am looking forward to reading and writing more rants where we can all empathize with each other. Where are you in your journey btw? Have you began any medical interventions yet if you don't mind me asking?

You are not alone. I think we honestly all feel this way. I have thought to myself more than once that if anyone wants to get pregnant, they should just be around me, because EVERYONE I know seems to get pregnant (or has had a baby relatively recently), except for me. It is very upsetting, frustrating, angering, saddening. I probably don't have enough words to describe it, but I know you know what I mean. If all of your tests look normal--which I'm jealous of! wish everything was working normally with me, though I'm sure it's a frustration in and of itself not to have an explanation -- have you considered whether it might be worth a little bit of medical help? You could try clomid to ovulate more than one egg and give yourself some extra chances each month. Have you had your husband's sperm tested?

@ JackieF - I was tested about 5 years ago and everything was fine. Years ago I know. To be honest, I am to scared to go to the dr because we simply can not afford IVF and I fear that's all he will tell me. Plus our insurance is terrible!! IF we go the medical route, I fear I will slip into a more depressed state. SO, we have been doing holistic routes. I'm on my second month of Pregnitude, I take a prenatal and Co Q10. I'm on a high protein very low carb diet, with no sugar or caffeine, and I walk / run almost everyday for at least 30 mins. I started all this in Sept. I'm in great shape but still not pregnant. If we are not pregnant by March, I want my husband to get tested. But he is not seeing eye to eye with me on this. I think his male pride was hurt when I mentioned it.

I went through this EXACT situation. He has not left you. As hard as it is,,, and I know because I have walked it... trust His timing and His plan. Feel all the emotions and you will find your way back to Him. I promise! <3 <3

Thank you for sharing your story.. you are definitely Not alone in this journey. I feel the same exact way, everyone around me getting pregnant, and here I am having the hardest time getting pregnant. It’s not fair! It’s not fair that there are children bringin babies into this world, and people having babies who don’t want them.

It will happen, we are just on the longer path to conception. IT SUCKS! You definitely have plenty of people to lean on here!!! Good luck to you!

what you are feeling is so normal.....and what so many women dealing with infertility go through. It's just a horrible life thief and robs you of a lot.
I'm sitting here as an IF survivor now.... I actually made my first post here like 8 years ago this week after ttc for 5 years. I found so much support here and just women who "get it".....many of us are still in contact. Some of us were reminiscing about this group, so I stopped in. I wish I could have told myself so many things back then about how it would all work out. I hope you can take heart in knowing that most of us did end up becoming moms one way or another and are stronger for it....we gained a good deal of battle wounds along the way though. It can be a hard and painful road and that never really leaves you.
But know that your feelings are valid and normal and they do suck. Be kind to yourself and support each other.

Thank you ladies for being so supportive and sympathetic. You don't know how much your kind words mean to me and I am just so grateful to have found this outlet. Yes, this is the path we have been paved, but together, it can be a little easier or maybe just not so lonely.

@BHAlwaysTrying21: Yes, all my labs so far have come back normal which is a blessing but also frustrating. If everything is normal, why have I not been able to get pregnant after 3 years of no prevention? I am ashamed to say that I was hoping something would come back on my results because then it would at least explain what is going on. My husband's SA was also normal with the exception of his morphology but since his numbers were so good, the doctor wasn't concerned at all. The first RE specialist I met with wanted to start me on Clomid right away but I am hesitant because I really don't believe this title of "unexplained infertility" and I want answers. She was not open to doing further testing of my thyroid or even my progesterone which I thought was weird. I sought a second opinion from a doctor with more natural methods. He sent me for more labs which I am waiting to do this Friday. He said if all those labs come back normal, then there is a likely chance I have asymptomatic endometriosis which, according to him, is the cause of many women's infertility who are otherwise healthy. The crappy part is, the only way to diagnose and remove it is with laparoscopy which I am kind of terrified of because I've never had any kind of surgery before. But he assured me it's his specialty so if all these additional labs come back normal, I am planning on moving forward with the procedure. If that is normal, I think I will move forward with the Clomid but I am really trying to do this is as natural as possible so I really hope it doesn't get to that point.

@ready4babie: I can imagine your husband not being open to getting tested must be frustrating. My husband was obviously a little embarrassed to do the test but ultimately he knew he had to just to rule it out. It might help to reassure your husband that it's most likely not him but if it is, it's not his fault and it's an easy and inexpensive fix (unless he's sterile of course). I understand why he would be hurt but explain to him that no matter what, it wont make you see him any differently or make him less of a man. Explain how important it is to you and that you need it just for peace of mind. I know it's easier said than done, but I will be praying for you friend!

@JackieF, it sounds like you have a really good plan laid out. I've heard that the laproscopy technique for endometriosis really solves things for a lot of people. So if it's that, I hope it works for you as well! If not, then I really think there's no harm with the clomid. If you are really averse to meds, you could do letrozole/Femara instead. It doesn't linger in your system like clomid does, and I think is also less likely to think your uterine lining. (I've taken both.) Best of luck with your labs tomorrow!

I completely understand. Being angry with God doesn't mean you don't still love him and believe in his plan for you. Anger is part of it, and I'm dealing with it right now too. I'm so angry. It's good to know that we're not in this alone. Infertility is not fair, but then again, nothing in life really is. I'm praying that we get stronger through this journey and that it's preparing us for great things!

I know exactly what you're talking about! Everyone is getting pregnant! Literally everyone is having children! And this is so hard for me to watch all this and don't be a part of this baby boom party. I'm so angry at the universe! Why me? I'm constantly asking this question. Everyone around have everything I wish for. They have kids and this is my biggest dream. This is so unfair! Everyone tells me just relax and find some distraction which make me even more angry. The only thing which can relax and distract me is my own child. I wish all of us who dream about motherhood will accomplish their dream very soon.