t has been awhile since I have been on here. My story is probably similar to many others, TTC for 2 years on our own, referred to RE and recommended to do IVF for several reasons. Well this is where it differs, we were one of the lucky ones, after a failed fresh round, we had a BFP on a FET. We were so excited, our long journey was coming to an end, we were going to be parents! I was due 3/16/16 with a little boy, Max Michael. On 12/6/15, I was admitted to L&D due to high blood pressure. Turns out I had developed an extreme case of preeclampsia and had to be transferred by ambulance to a hospital that had fetal maternal medicine doctors (high risk pregnancy) on staff. We were told that due to the preeclampsia, my placenta was not working. They were hoping I could keep Max in as long as possible to allow him a fighting chance to live if I had to deliver. Two days later, I was undergoing an emergency c-section. Max had stopped growing and his blood flow was going in reverse. He was no longer safe inside and he needed to come out. I was 25 weeks, 6 days and he was measuring 3 weeks behind that. He was born alive and was even smaller than they estimated, he lived for about 20 minutes but he did not survive. I can't imagine a world where I went trough so much time, energy, money, effort, emotion, etc. to become a parent only for it to be taken away from me so quickly. I can't imagine going through all of this again, more rounds of IVF and then even if we are successful again, which is a big IF, the chances of me developing preeclampsia again are extremely high. I almost died with this pregnancy and was in the hospital for a week. I had high blood pressure for weeks after I delivered, had to take blood pressure medication, was on bed rest AFTER I came home from the hospital. It has been 11 weeks and by body is finally starting to feel like my own again. I went in to see my OB last week because I was on my period for my 6 week check up. He confused me with another patient and congratulated me on my baby and told me he was so happy for me. It took every ounce of me not to cry for the rest of the visit. I am not sure if I want to try again, but as my OB so eloquently pointed out, if I want to have kids I can't waste time. Time I need to heal, both physically and emotionally. Apparently I don't have that luxury. I have to go see the maternal fetal medicine doctors before I can even go back to the RE for my IVF. It's just so much to think about and all I want to do is lay in my bed and shut out the world. I made it through the IVF battle and I won, but my son still died and I am still childless. I am a mom to a child that I will never see grow up.