Showers and kids birthdays are always a very difficult thing to handle. I've skipped out on many! I know that I've definitely annoyed my family and friends and I also feel like everyone thinks I'm selfish. Most of these people also don't understand the pain of having IF issues. You already are stressed out so why continue to add more? It may even help if u explained to her after the party that it hurts to go to these types of events... If of course u want people to know. I recently skipped a friends shower and 2 kids parties. In fact I've even sent my DH to one if the parties and he explained I was sick. So please don't beat yourself up over this !!!!! We all have been there!!! Just remember to take care of yourself!

I don't think that was selfish at all, it is totally understandable. Its always hard to deal with those kind of situations, but I think you did the right thing. We have all had those moments, and even people with no true reason cancel on events like this because they can be a lot. So don't you feel bad!

Thanks ladies!!!!!

I have come up with reasons not to attend "Kid" events too, but what bothers me more is when I am not even invited to a friend's child's party or shower for a pregnant friend/co-worker because they think it will be too hard for me, I know I probably would not go, but it hurts me more that they don't even invite me, I can decide what is too hard for me, they don't have to.

So sorry about this! I think you had the best advice, you "have to protect (yourself) and do things that necessary for (you) to not get depressed". Take care of yourself first, and when you feel OK about going to "baby" related parties, go for it; otherwise, don't feel bad about thinking of YOU first. HUGS :-)

Jessie, I'm like that too!! Some times I can do a baby shower , and sometimes it's too much. I try to honor how I feel that day and make myself be obligated, but I know my friend was looking for me to be there...... But I just couldn't do it...... I used the excuse of having dance practice, which I did, but Under differnent circumstances, i could have made an appearance.......

The last baby shower I went too, I was in the bathroom crying five minutes after I got there because when I arrived they were opening gifts, and all the ooooo'sand aaahhhhh's was too much.....

Singsweet, ur right....... I'm learning everyday more about taking care of me....

SMH...... well ladies it seems as if my "friend" has a tiff with me about missing the party!!!!! the night before the party she texted me ans asked if i could go pick up balloons for the party. i declined, telling her my day was already full, and that i had dance practice with the kids i teach and some errands to run before coming to the party and i had already planned a girls night at my house for that evening.... well as i mentioned earlier i didnt go to the party. my day was hectic, and i didnt feel like being phony.... so... She texted me that night, said she missed me at the party, and asked if everything was ok? i said yes, that my day got my hectic (which it did), i told her i was preparing my dance kids for our church anniversary service, and i apologized for missing the party said i had her gift, and could drop it to her.

so i texted her last night and asked her about using a dance garment of hers, which ordinarily is NO PROBLEM. she still has dance stuff of mines right now, so we swap all the time.... she text back and says "sorry im not gone be able to do that"........

Am i reading more into this than there is???

I don't think it was selfish at all!! We do have to protect ourselves!!

As for her text back, it seems to be a little dig back at you but I am guessing it will probably pass. If she is a good friend, then she should understand your need to protect your emotions. I am finding that it is ok to be happy for someone without being a part of EVERYTHING that they have going on with their kids. I think sometimes they forget the struggles we are dealing with and they need to be reminded. I don't expect everyone's life to stop and revolve around my IF issues, but I do expect some understanding because we all know that they expect the same from us!!