Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and I feel like my husband just doesn't want a family as much as I. Actually I know he doesn't. Adoption is looking very unaffordable to me right now. They say things cost like $20000...but when you add up everything else it ends up being more like $40000. I'm just tired of living an empty life. I'm not even liking his family any more. I dread being around them...all they do is have babies. I feel like I've hit rock bottom...like I have no hope. All my husband says when I say how much adoption is going to cost...is that he is not giving up his boat for any reason. His stupid f-in boat. I wish he thought of having a family as more important. When we got married there were no dreams of having a boat...but dreams of having children. But now it is like well whatever happens I don't want to get rid of my boat. I try to be understanding but I feel like we'd be in a much better position to adopt if he didn't have this boat. I know he is going through a hard time and his boat is his one outlet in life...but don't I deserve something too. I've wanted a child since I was a teenager but never tried to have one until I was 31. And of course infertility has to strike us. I feel like my life is one disappointment after another. I feel like he is more hinderance to me than helpmate half the time. Today I feel like running off a cliff. I hate these days.
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