Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi everyone again. Need to vent and I'll give my quick background. We just completed our first IVF retrieval in June hoping to start the transfer process in about a week. We're about 2 1/2 years of trying and have had 4 failed IUIs and one miscarriage right before IVF. I couldn't be happier with the results after IVF, but now the anxiety is settling in. It was like I was on this cloud and feeling things I have not felt in so long after retrieval, and I was wondering if/when the panic would set in and it has.
I know I should still remember that things so far are good for now, but I just felt overwhelmed all of a sudden last night with a bunch of things. First, my friend sent me an invite via text to her son's first birthday, and I politely declined and she was so understanding, but it's still hard to have to say sorry, but I can't do this. Then I had to RSVP to a family friend's baby shower (again no) but I sent a gift and it was just upsetting to look at the registry. Then my sister told me of a couple people who are pregnant - like people I probably wouldnt have known anyway but for some reason she felt compelled to tell me. My best friend's younger sister is having her baby shower this weekend and I was "invited" but not invited. She basically didn't send me an invite and then texted me 2 weeks ago saying i didn't send you an invite but wanted to let you know you were invited. it was a strange text. Overall I feel since I have opened up about IVF, some of the people in my life have lost a little compassion about delivering news to me about certain things. like I should be ok all of a sudden because I'm doing this. I was also in a wedding this past weekend and it was a lot of fun, but the talk about kids and people asking questions was non-stop. I felt like I did great holding it together, but here is all the emotion now!
I received the box of meds for the transfer last night and I think a combination of everything is just making me feel out of a good head space. I was excited because it is all going to start, but I'm just so nervous. We've had to pay out of pocket and I'm just anticipating every little thing and I want that to stop again. I also don't think I processed my miscarriage. It was very early, but we had a night to decide after if we were still moving forward with IVF. At first i was set on no, but changed my mind by the morning. I just think about it and get so sad and don't want to feel it again but I know there is a chance that I have to be prepared for this again or for not the outcome we would love.
Anyway, I guess I just needed somewhere to go because it all gets to much to try and explain every detail to anyone else. Hoping, praying, wishing and sending all the good vibes and love to everyone.
I can't wait to do IVF for closure. Meaning, if I get pregnant it'll be my miracle and if I don't I can move on with my life and figure out how to cope and accept my fate. We are thinking about adoption too so I feel less hopeless.
I hear you about not being around pregnant women! I hate that sometimes I see a pregnant women and my 1st thought is “…lucky bitch.” I get it! She may have had difficulties getting there and I don’t know the story…but I can’t help the initial reaction. I have a close friend who only tried for 2 months and got pregnant. She told me June 4th...I haven't seen her since. I am happy for her, I really am, but I can't be around her and all her damn baby joy. Her husband, my husband, her, and I were really close so after I found out I cancelled multiple already planned occasions to hang out with them. If a mutual friend invites all of us for a party and I see their names…I tell my husband I am not going. For weeks, after she told me, multiple times throughout the day I would think about her being pregnant and I would get sad and/or mad! I've thought "What is so special about all these women that they are allowed to be a mother and I am not?!?" I actually felt like I had a breakdown after her news because my Uncle who I was very close to died a few days before she told me. I was crying every day for 2 and half weeks. I felt like I was in a hole nobody could help me out of. It was weird, I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I’m much better nowadays since I am mentally prepping to start IVF…I’m kinda sorta freaking out!
I wish you soooo much luck and happy thoughts. We’re a unique group of women who only know the struggle. When I am in the fertility clinic sometimes a conversation will start with another women there. Even though they are brief conversations I feel much better talking to somebody who can relate!
Hi DivaDiDi! Thank you for your message. You made me feel better and made me laugh at the "lucky bitch" lol. I wish you ALL the best for your IVF - it is very exciting. I felt the same thing; I was so ready, but at the same time it's like ah! this is actually happening! My advice for stimming would be to just give yourself space and time for relaxation. I didn't make any plans, and I'm glad, because after working I was exhausted. Once you get the hang of the meds, it becomes very manageable :)
I'm sorry you have to pay out of pocket. I understand completely the financial aspect of it. I feel so grateful we were able to pull it off, but you can't help but feel that sting by insurance leaving you in the dust. That is a great way to look at your situation, and a wonderful plan. I too would like to adopt one day. One day at a time, right?
I too have that one person that I feel like I can't shake my resentful feelings about. I wish I didn't have them, but it is a family friend so no matter what, I am always seeing parts of the family and they have honestly treated me differently, and i think that plays a huge part too. I get that people really don't know what to say or do, but it's just so frustrating. They're the type too that just post on social media and say the things that couples say that truly had no struggle whatsoever to get there. I know I cannot expect anything different, nor do I want anyone to ever feel this, but ugh! So I really do understand you saying you don't feel like you know who you are anymore. I feel that all the time. I miss me, and I would like her back, as weird as that sounds. I don't want to be this resentful person, but i also feel I cannot stop it in the moment.
If you ever want to talk about the IVF process, feel free to message me. I'm happy to talk about it or just be a sounding board. I really am hoping for you that this will be a success, and that no matter what, you find peace. We are a unique group for sure! And yes, coming on here to vent has saved my head so many times. Best of luck XX