Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Am I overreacting?

jennysolo
jennysolo

I have a coworker, whom I do not get along with by mutual agreement. She’s just announced she is pregnant for a second time on her first month trying. She knows everything I have been going through! And still found it necessary to make her way into my office to show me her ultrasound picture. Am I overreacting? She started trying for her first when we did!!! And she is already on her second!!! And here I am who, despite a load of money and treatments, still can't get our first. I hate this so much!!! I really want to say a lot of mean and awful things, but I think I will stop now as I know it’s wrong. I should be grateful that I at least have a chance to have IVF cycles. I understand the only thing I should worry and think about is my family and my ttc. I believe everyone should mind their business. Who am I to judge or jealous if someone conceives that easily. But it seems that woman did that on purpose! She never loses her chance to poke her pregnancies and her children in my face. I know it’s impossible to escape such things as it seems everyone around is preg and having kids, it’s inevitable, it’s life… But it’s so unfair… Thanks for listening.

bright5tara
bright5tara
Yeah it is hard enough to hear they are pg but that they got pg so quickly is like putting salt in the wound. I'm really sorry you are having such a frustrating day. No, you are not overreacting. Just keep thinking of the day that you can barge into her office and show her the pics of your baby! Just kidding, you shouldn’t care about what she thinks at all BUT it can be one of the points in your list to stay positive and motivated on your way of becoming a mother. As hard as it is, be the bigger and BETTER person and just congratulate her. Do not let her know it even bothers you a little bit. Sometimes that gets these idiot people to stop doing stupid &hit. Your day will come, and you’ll be a happy mother.
shellhally
shellhally
That's awful. I don't get how some people think and how inconsiderate and mean they can be. It's one thing if she didn't know but knowing and then on top of that showing u/s pic… I'm so sorry that you have to deal w/people like that. You have every right to be angry and disappointed. I definitely have days like this. For example one of my friends has 17 months old twins. I'm very happy for her. And I suspect that she also had some help getting pg. But she is trying to convince me that just one month they decided to have a child and boom it happened. And also she naturally produces multiple eggs. She knows that we've been ttc for a long time. I'm not sharing any details with her, because I'll be judged, even though she probably went through the same thing. I don't feel as close to her anymore, especially when all she does is talk about her kids, her niece and even her neighbors’ kids. To me, that's just a bunch of useless information that brings me down. Eventually, I decided that she’s toxic for me at this period of my life. So I minimized our communication.
jennysolo
jennysolo
She was all about the "first month trying" the first time around. And it is not like we are even close enough for u/s pics. WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER!! My other coworker heard her come to my office and got so pissed she said she was going to go say something to her. She is a good and kind woman. But I said it is not even worth it. And to really add the salt to the wound she decided to sit with me at lunch that same day along with my boss and talk all about her one year old, her morning sickness, etc... I almost burst into tears. I did congratulate her. But why can't that be good enough for her. Thanks for understanding.
Karenkim
Karenkim
I so can relate. I am sure that she is genuinely thrilled with her pregnancy. And you can't expect her not to glow. However, why would she feel the need to say that she became pregnant on her first month trying?? I've heard other women say that and I never quite understood. Does that mean they’re better than us?? Does that mean we’re not as good as people who "aren't trying" but become pregnant anyway?? She just needs to get over herself. It certainly seemed unnecessary of her to show you the ultrasound pics... Especially since she knows what you've been going through!! I would probably feel the exact same way as you!! People can be so inconsiderate sometimes.
cassymom2become
cassymom2become
Not everyone who wants kids can have them. And some people just don’t get it! This is truly amazing when a woman gets pregnant from the first try/after a couple of months. But there are millions of women, who try for years. And it's not like they're just having sex and waiting for it to happen. They have to take medicines, hormones, undergo IVF cycles, donor egg cycles, do shots, etc. All the cycle tracking, temperature taking… Don’t forget about peeing on sticks, anxious waiting… Also jealousy when you see someone else’s pregnancy announcement on Facebook... THIS is our truth. This is a reality for us. We have to live in it 24/7. And yes, someone who had never faced infertility/at the very beginning of ttc would freak out! I've been there myself. I had to go through 5 failed cycles of IVF and a cycle of mitochondrial donation to get pregnant. It seems like time spent trying to get pregnant becomes its own phase of life…
pheebz
pheebz
You congratulated her... That makes you the bigger person here. It really does. It's so hard to say why she would do this to you and flaunt those u/s pics in your face. I've found that people like her are either: just too damn stupid to realize the pain they're causing or the type of person who likes the attention (good or bad), or is just pure evil incarnate! Being that she knows you've been trying for a while and still proceeded to rub it in your face that SHE was able to get pregnant not once, but TWICE all in the very first month of trying... I'm going to guess that she falls into the third category listed above. It's one thing to glow naturally and be happy for yourself that you're "great with child". But to do what she did is completely uncalled for. I can see why you two do not get along. Luckily, you ARE a better person in this situation. Like a lot of the other ladies said, don't even give her the satisfaction of knowing that this bothered you. You WILL get pregnant! And from the sounds of it, you WILL make a better mother than this woman. Persons’ values get passed down to their children... Good luck to you!
tiffanyjess
tiffanyjess
I really understand what you’re going through and I feel your pain. My sister has had 2 kids since we've been trying. She just told me she's having another one. I look at people who are not good parents and don’t deserve to even have kids and I get upset. My friend who is the worst parent of all asked me if I want to be in the delivery room w/ her after I just found out that we have to go through fertility treatments to get pregnant. It's not fair and I bet we all feel the same way! As for your coworker, as hard as it may be, just try to ignore her and just give a fake smile. Some people just derive satisfaction from making others unhappy. But you did the right thing by congratulating her. You are the bigger person. Don’t let her win by stooping to her level.
NaturalEve
NaturalEve
I’m very sorry to hear this for you. Some people can be so cruel. Don’t be hard on yourself for feeling your feelings though. You are not wrong, you’re human.
BeccaBecca
BeccaBecca
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this. But it's just natural, it's ok. And it doesn't make you a worse person. These are the bad days but not bad life!
As for your coworker - I believe she's a shallow minded one. For some reason she wanted to make you this emotional harm. Just try to saty away from her.. My case differes completely. We had to save to opt for surrogacy abroad. Using my perfect eggs and dh's sperms. We're just doing our initial steps in the process.
You should know you're not alone. Even though our cases are different. I know the way issues might feel. Like we're robbed. Like we failed to fulfill our sacred dream, the only right nature meant to us..
This place is just awesome. It had been saving me from going insane for so long..Awesome ladies who keep on thinking about you and who really understand and care.
May I ask where did you pass IVF?
Stay strong, we're all here for you. x