Infertility Support Group
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Hi all,
So here is the story. My mother has been overseas for bout 1.5 weeks and I couldn't reach her for the last few days. I was a little worried so I spoke to my dad yesterday to see if he had any idea of what was happening. He told me that my mom had just had a face lift and that's why I couldn't get in touch with her.
I was really upset and lost the plot today when I finally speak to her due to several things, but please tell me if you think I am being stupid about it all
1) she was supposed to be there to be with there elderly step dad but instead she has seen him like once! she was sick for a bit the first week so she couldn't really be there but now she will be out for at least the next week healing... so I guess that motivation wasn't real in the first place. when my father got sick and passed away, I didn't leave his bedside for a fortnight and would have stayed there for as long as he needed me....
2) When I spoke to her the day before her surgery, she didn't tell me.... Instead she told me she would have to take an extra 10 days or so because she needed to do some important paperwork!
3) she asked me to cancel a holiday that I had booked for her and my nephew to go skiing and then come to see me (I live about 8hrs away and haven't seen my nephews in 6 months, they both grew up with me so they are like my own sons and I MISS THEM!) under the pretext that she had 'paperwork to do'. This would mean that, not only wouldn't I see the boys until Christmas but also that I would loose 1/2 the points for the year from my shared accommodation...
4) Last time she was here (about 2 months ago) we talked about me doing IVF again. She knows we are struggling financially. I told her how my friends parents had given her money to pay for her IVF (she now has a beautiful son) ... she just sighed and says oh I wish I could do the same... BUT THE SHE GOES AND HAS A FACE LIFT! OVERSEAS. and no I am not talking about some cheapy Thai holiday face lift, this is in an expensive part of the world with the BEST plastic surgeon in the country!
When I spoke to her I was so angry I just lost it! she told me she did not want to hear my negativity and then hang up on me! I just feel that she is the most SELFISH woman on the planet!!!!
am I being too petty???
So here is the story. My mother has been overseas for bout 1.5 weeks and I couldn't reach her for the last few days. I was a little worried so I spoke to my dad yesterday to see if he had any idea of what was happening. He told me that my mom had just had a face lift and that's why I couldn't get in touch with her.
I was really upset and lost the plot today when I finally speak to her due to several things, but please tell me if you think I am being stupid about it all
1) she was supposed to be there to be with there elderly step dad but instead she has seen him like once! she was sick for a bit the first week so she couldn't really be there but now she will be out for at least the next week healing... so I guess that motivation wasn't real in the first place. when my father got sick and passed away, I didn't leave his bedside for a fortnight and would have stayed there for as long as he needed me....
2) When I spoke to her the day before her surgery, she didn't tell me.... Instead she told me she would have to take an extra 10 days or so because she needed to do some important paperwork!
3) she asked me to cancel a holiday that I had booked for her and my nephew to go skiing and then come to see me (I live about 8hrs away and haven't seen my nephews in 6 months, they both grew up with me so they are like my own sons and I MISS THEM!) under the pretext that she had 'paperwork to do'. This would mean that, not only wouldn't I see the boys until Christmas but also that I would loose 1/2 the points for the year from my shared accommodation...
4) Last time she was here (about 2 months ago) we talked about me doing IVF again. She knows we are struggling financially. I told her how my friends parents had given her money to pay for her IVF (she now has a beautiful son) ... she just sighed and says oh I wish I could do the same... BUT THE SHE GOES AND HAS A FACE LIFT! OVERSEAS. and no I am not talking about some cheapy Thai holiday face lift, this is in an expensive part of the world with the BEST plastic surgeon in the country!
When I spoke to her I was so angry I just lost it! she told me she did not want to hear my negativity and then hang up on me! I just feel that she is the most SELFISH woman on the planet!!!!
am I being too petty???
I've learned expectations of money can be very, very sticky when it comes to family. Best to have very low expectations, even if they person has very big pockets. My guess is your mom didn't want to tell you about the facelift for a reason. Maybe she thought you would say something about the money being used for a better things? I'd focus on the other issues, not the money being used for your IVF-- what she does with her money is not really your business. You telling her the story of your friend might have been the reason she didn't tell you about the facelift. If your mom and dad have paid for other things (college, wedding, etc.), she has given you a lot, and she probably sees this surgery as owing a little something to herself. If not, and you paid for all that stuff yourself, it might be nice if she helped out but why would you expect different now?
I'd be furious, shocked, and very hurt.