Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I am 38 and am scheduled to go through embryo freezing by the end of month. I haven't made payments yet so I can still change my mind until next week. I will be using my husband's sperm.
I don't want a baby at the moment because I want to focus on my career and be able to travel child free (there are many places I want to travel to but was not able to because of the pandemic in the last couple years).
If I will ever have a baby, it will at least be 2-4 years from now. But even by then, I am not sure if I really want a baby. I enjoy my current life without children. The idea of giving birth and taking care of a child does not excite me. But who knows if I will change my mind in the future? Being a parent is a life experience that I may regret not having when I get old. My aunt who was single and child less all her life seems to regret that she never had a child, she's in her 80s now and living a lonely life. I don't want to be like her when I get old, living with regrets and lonely.
This is why I am considering fertility preservation. I want to keep my options open and give myself a few more years to figure out if parenthood is right for me.
My husband doesn't really want a baby either but he said he is willing to raise a child with me if I want one. If we really want a child, he prefers to try natural pregnancy first rather than going straight to fertility treatment so he does not want me to do embryo freezing. He thinks it's costly and not good for my body. If I insist on doing it, he is willing to provide his sperm though.
Do you think I should go through with embryo freezing now if I am uncertain whether i want a baby but want to keep options open? If I do decide to have a child in 2-4 years, I will be 40-42, chance of having a natural pregnancy will be low and I may still need to go through fertility treatments. Then I might be better off freezing now.
I have been under a lot of stress lately trying to decide what is the right thing to do. I haven't shared this with friends or family as I know they want me to have a baby and I don't want to give them a false hope that I will be having a baby for sure. I just want to keep my options opened. Thought posting here may help.
I also stressed about the success rate and the side effects. I don't think the success rate will be that high given my age. I am also worried about whether my body can take the side effects. It seems to be a huge lift both physically and mentally.
But my friend who has gone through IVF didn't seem like she had a rough time, many stories that I read online from different women also made the egg retrieval sound pretty tolerable so maybe I am just worrying too much.
Any advice will be appreciated, thank you!
Travel to your one or two top bucket list places asap and then get started or get the eggs take right now and the. Do your trips. Things often don’t go as planned.
When you say IVF is extremely stressful, what's the most stressful part? My concern is whether my body can handle the stim meds and the retrieval both physically and mentally. I have some anxiety issues and afraid that the meds will make it worse. I am also concerned of weight gain...my process will end at the retrieval for now so I am not even thinking about the transfers and everything that's after yet, I am sure those will be stressful too.
Sorry to hear that no implantation yet for 22 months! That sure was a long time! :( I hope you will have it soon!
The process will impact your relationship. Your husband or partner won’t ever understand what you’re going thru physically or emotionally and will have zero capacity to understand what being on and administering the drugs is like not how disappointing it is every time there is a setback. You’ll be expected to manage all you already do in life - the cooking, cleaning, working full time AND take on the whole time consuming and complicated management process of IVF drug ordering, drug taking, doctor appointment making, doctor visiting, financial and bill management, and the rollercoaster of emotions you’re going thru. He won’t understand that it’s so hard for you to see pregnant women or moms with little babies and kids during your IVF process. He’ll have no grasp of how it feels to really want to be a mom, probably.
The drugs impact people differently but I mostly felt bloated by estradiol and had terrible migraines the first 1.5 weeks of popping the blue estradiol pills. Other drugs - all the injections only bloated me. Almost all the drugs impacted my mood. Needles made me very nauseated and faint before this process but I injected myself for aLL the drugs except the 1 1/2 inch long big needles that go in the backside just before egg retrieval. I’ll have to inject myself with big 1 1/2 inch needles in my backside later this month bc my husband will be away off and on up till the implant happens . It’s supposed to happen in coming weeks but I won’t know till another set of tests.
The drugs before implanting embryo (which I started a few weeks ago) so far have made me very tired. Very low energy. I have yet to take one more drug vaginally, another injection, and then I’ll be on my full regimen.
I may have gained weight - rarely step in scale but my clothes still fit pretty similarly. I quit drinking since alcohol seriously reduces success rates for IVF and that probably helped keep my weight in check and stay similar. If I wasn’t on these drugs, giving you drinking would have probably led to considerable weight loss bc we used to drink probably 2 glasses of wine almost every evening with dinner. I won’t resume drinking after this and assume I’ll drop pounds once the drugs stop and I maintain my healthier lifestyle. Mostly I feel like I gained weight due to bloating but I probably haven’t at least not much. I’m very healthy and exercise 6-9xs a week and teach yoga part time. I’m a size 6 or 8 and must work to be that size - I’ve always been concerned about weight since high school , but I have made it through the body changing and bloating sensations. You can too. You will make sacrifices, lose sleep bc drugs must be taken at precise times or 8 hours apart, etc. you’ll give up certain foods, avoid socializing at times leading up to doctor visits or tests. You’ll change your life. If you want a kid, think you may want a kid in future, it’s all probably worth trying. It’s not easy!
I’m pretty sure that because I have been at this so long, almost 2 years, that if this time the implant fails, I’ll give up. I have 2 good embryos frozen but I don’t think I’d want to risk going thru this for another year or more if this time fails. If we hadn’t had to change clinics, I wouldn’t be 22 months into this. It would have happened faster but that’s not how things went. I’d guess I’d have to reassess if this time fails and take at least a break before fully giving up, but I’m pretty tired and discouraged at this point. It’s been going on too long without even an implant for me. I could consider adoption but that would be another 20k or more and more time - 1-2 years if I want a baby, probably - I attended an info session six months ago on it.
Hope this helps.. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I wouldn’t be doing this if husband hadn’t had a vasectomy years ago. If we had a good family friend Who was willing to impregnate me and we both felt comfortable with that route, honestly, that would have been much better. We had no idea this process would be like this or so costly, time consuming, life consuming and stressful.
Thank you and best of luck!!
I guess what you are referring to is just freezing embryo's. Sounds like everyone answered your questions for the most part. The only thing i would say is if your spouse is not sure about having children as well as yourself. I would consider also freezing eggs not just embryo. I do not wish this on anyone's relationship/marriage. However, i have seen lots of people separate because their wants/desires are different and they have grown apart. So, atleast if you freeze your eggs you always have an option to get pregnant at some point with or without your current husband.
Also everyone is different so you may have great response no matter your age. Also factoring in lifestyle, stress, health history, diet, etc. All play a great part of your outcomes. They will definitely ask that you both get genetic testing first to make sure neither have anything you can pass on to your unborn child.
Nothing is wrong with not wanting kids right now, but i say prepare for the what-if's and the maybe's in case it changes to a yes...Good Luck to you both on your journey.