Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I’ll start off for what i’m grateful for: places like this that remind you you’re not alone and ladies like you who share your struggles; doctors who, in trying to help you feel less anxious, help you find the issue despite their lack of concern; and lastly, that there are options.
I am new to this site but I found it because I was searching for support that you ladies seem to be as well. I feel frustrated and alone and to be completely honest, bitter. My husband and I got married young but he was still in school. We wanted him to finish school and then be able to experience life outside of being broke to student loans before we made the choice to start a family. We’ve been married 5 years now and have been trying for the last 1.
Along the way people would joke about when we were going to have kids and it always offended me that people felt like it was their business or their lack of sympathy for if we had been trying (though we weren’t). We been together 3-4 years, surely at this point you could make the connection that either we were trying not to have kids or we were having trouble! It hurt my heart for the people that experienced that when they WERE trying…and then I got to be one of those people.
We found out about 9 months into trying that the sperm had 0% normal morphology. I type that and I immediately want to follow it up with the good: that’s the only issue they’ve found so far, everything else seems to be good. But that small detail was very hard for us to swallow. It likely limits our options and limits our potential of ever getting pregnant naturally. I mourned the lost reality that I could just one day wake up pregnant without having to go through medical procedures. I’m bitter. I’m extremely bitter. I’m bitter that every other post on Facebook was a pregnancy announcement (And for someone who just got married…stupid but the childish side of my mind it feels like there’s a line and I was in this line long before you) and that it makes me feel like an awful person to be so envious and jealous of another person. I’m bitter that I get to talk to my mom about our struggles of trying to get pregnant instead of announcing the joy of being pregnant. And I’m bitter that everyone who we’ve told seems to say the most hurtful things in order to try and help, only further wanting to isolate yourself from the people who only want to help. “Once you stop thinking about it, it’ll just happen!” “If y’all don’t jump on it soon, so-and-so will be on their third one” “*Insert complaint about kids* Are you sure you want kids? You can have mine!” Has anyone here had success with 0% morphology? What worked for you? Any suggestions on ways to cope when your heart has turned so bitter? There are some days I am fine and hopeful, but today is just one of those days I feel alone and angry for the situation we are in.
Like you, I HATE the comments like "better get on it!" "you guys sure have been *practicing* for a while" "its not all its cracked up to be!" "I'd kill for some free time" and my favorite "I wish sometimes we didnt have kids" ... thats a doosey - I've wanted to be a mom since I was 4. Whenevr anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was "a Mom"
Like you, my husbands morphology is low. Although its not 0%, hes at 17% with 25% of the sperm volume that he should have. I don't know much about morphology - though our MD said that its not a crucial factor to getting pregnant. Not sure how true that is. But I can completely relate to having to mourn the fact that getting pregnant the old fashioned way probably wasnt in the cards for us. We were just told IUI is not an option for us, and its looking like IVF. Tough pill to swallow.
I know its extreme, but like you, i found myself becoming SUPER bitter with every passing baby announcement. I couldnt handle it, Christmas time was a b*tch because of the baby announcements and ultrasound photos, etc. I felt awful that I was feeling that way, how could I not be happy for those people? I was, but the gut-wrenching truth of what we are going through was a stronger emotion. So, for that reason, and a few others, the hubs and I decided to delete Facebook. For me, it was sanity from having to see and read all about peoples "perfect babies" though, I'm sure my husband doesn't realize that a huge reason why I deleted it.
Our parents just found out what we were going through. not that I didnt want them to know, i just didnt want the questions or really ignorant questions and comments like "Dont you know you could end up with multiples doing that?!?" ...yep, knew that. ::Insert eye roll here:: Some of them treating like we actually WANT to do IVF. Nope, I'd much rather do this naturally but for nearly 2 years that hasnt worked, soo....
You are definitely not alone. Welcome to the group!
Totally not alone about the bitterness. My hubby and i just talked about this today - how b/c this is osmething we have to work for, we feel like we are robbed of something that so many people take for granted... I think a lot of us find outselves bitter at one point or another. If you set aside hormones, it's about struggling for something that is almost expected to happen naturally and easily. If anyone finds the cure to this bitterness, please let us know. Sending you hugs.
Social media is the main source of my bitterness, (I also find myself comparing myself to others: "they already have kids, they have only have been together a year, she's a horrible person, doesn't deserve it") but' I cant help looking longingly at pregnant ladies, or new born babies when I'm out and about. I feel that people can see the desperation in my eyes when I choke up at these sites.
I too just told my mother about our fertility problems, I think I was avoiding it because I didn't want it to be true, I didn't really think we had fertility problems until I admitted to my mommy.
I haven't been getting much sleep the last couple days (probably in the crazy part of my cycle about not getting pregnant) and a patient of mine asked what I was stressed about? Am I pregnant? Before I could think I blurted out that I friggin wished. It's getting harder to laugh off people's ignorant comments.
I've been avoiding getting my husband's sperm tested for my own protective reasons, but were making the appointment this week. This step is another part of admitting that we have a fertility problem. The five stages; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance keep ringing in my ear.
Anyways I hope you can find yourself having more good than bad, crazy days. We booked a vacation that were looking forward to and I'm hoping that helps. You know what they say " when you stop thinking about it it will happen" whoever patented that should be bitch slapped.
Lose it. I get it girl, we just gotta keep our chins up!
We've been trying for 15 months and I've been doing test after test. Hormone levels, HSG, now pelvic MRI to confirm a possible bicornuate uterus. I met with another specialist recently who floated the idea of IVF and boasted about their success rates... then showed me the price. Talk about sticker shock! There's no way my partner and I can afford it. I'm just hoping against hope some less expensive treatment works.
You are SOOO not alone in bitterness.
We have an appointment at the end of this month with the RE and I'm anxious to hear what he says. I have a feeling that IVF, specifically ICSI, is one of our only options. Most days I'm pretty optimistic, but there are days like Monday where it just takes the breath right out of my chest. I wish that I could explain to the world what it feels like to be in our position because I don't think anyone quite gets the heartache that accompanies infertility. I think most people assume that at one point or another it'll work and you'll be pregnant so why worry yourself? Until we started trying I had no idea the amount of heartbreak that can come with the start of another cycle or the amount of hope that could be unrealistically had in looking at every symptom and hoping this month is your month. Being told that you may not can get pregnant naturally is in my mind saying "you may not be able to get pregnant" period, because treatments aren't a guarantee, that's what people don't understand.
I'm glad to have a place that my bitterness is understood and not held as a weapon against me. I don't think my husband always understands it (he's the best but still is not a woman :) ) and friends and family sure don't, I think it catches them off guard because it's not always logical. I have to believe that God is going to use this and I'm trying to be optimistic but it's truly helped my heart to have a place to go when I'm not optimistic. Thank you ladies for your support, please know I'm thinking and praying for you as well as we keep on this hard road.