Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
I am wondering about something. My girl-friend considers embryo donation and egg donation to be okay. I consider just egg donation to be okay because I think I have viable sperm. While embryo donation is a lot cheaper, I am not okay with a genetic unequal. She's not okay with it being my genetic material if she isn't to become pregnant with the child.
I would consider adoption and am interested in adopting children. But if I am going thru IVF, I really want it to be my child. I had been trying to discuss it for months with her but everytime I do, she's assuming I'm not being accepting of her and her inability to become pregnant. I on the other hand am perfectly fine with getting a surrogate (of her choosing) but she's not okay with that.
How do I address these issues? I really feel that while I can commit to her the rest of her life, my desire to have a child is so strong that if we are unable to conceive thru IVF and unable to adopt because of a shortage of children, I might want a divorce so I can get a surrogate. She's the love of my life and I love her and am about ready to propose.
Any ideas?
I would consider adoption and am interested in adopting children. But if I am going thru IVF, I really want it to be my child. I had been trying to discuss it for months with her but everytime I do, she's assuming I'm not being accepting of her and her inability to become pregnant. I on the other hand am perfectly fine with getting a surrogate (of her choosing) but she's not okay with that.
How do I address these issues? I really feel that while I can commit to her the rest of her life, my desire to have a child is so strong that if we are unable to conceive thru IVF and unable to adopt because of a shortage of children, I might want a divorce so I can get a surrogate. She's the love of my life and I love her and am about ready to propose.
Any ideas?
I can kind of understand where both of you are coming from. This is a really difficult and personal decision that a lot of people on here have had to make. I think the most important thing to remember is that DNA doesn't make a baby yours! An adopted child belongs to its adoptive parents regardless of what its chromosomes say in the same way that it doesn't belong to its biological parents.
That said, I also understand the very powerful desire to have your own biological children.
It's a tough situation, but for the sake of your relationship you guys need to get on the same page. I hope you can find some common ground!
It appears that as long as she can be pregnant with the child, she's okay with using a donor egg but was scared about the financial difference between the two.
We'd be open to adoption for foster care or if we can find an affordable orphanage internationally for additional children.
I was just scared. I am totally accepting of her but the decision to use embryos kinda makes me queasy. I want to give a child a home. I just don't know which parenting situation might be the best (donor egg or adopting a live child).
It seems like you're uneasy with the idea of her carrying a child that isn't biologically related to either one of you. You should know that if you do choose to adopt an embryo, the DNA of that baby is very much influenced by your girlfriend's body. Although it wouldn't be related to her in the traditional sense, they would still share some genetic material.
Like KDeezy said, does your girlfriend have a drive to want to experience pregnancy? I guess I'm curious why you're ok with adoption when the child isn't genetically yours, but not ok with embryo adoption. It's essentially the same thing, she just gets to experience being pregnant. It also might feel a little more fair to her, since if the child is not genetically hers, then it's not genetically yours either and you both are in the same boat. I don't know if she feels that way, but just another angle to look at it. You mentioned having a surrogate. Is there a reason she wouldn't be able to carry a pregnancy? And how did you guys come to conclusion that she can't use her own eggs? Just curious.
If we can give a child a good home, I'd like to help give that child a good home. I don't feel the same about an embryo unless I find out that I am infertile too. I think I'm fertile but I don't know for sure.
I want her to have the experience to becoming pregnant and I hope she has the same interest in me in being genetically related to the child; it's just too much not to have that. I couldn't be okay with that. I'd feel that if she was able to obtain a pregnancy, have the health to maintain the pregnancy, be able to carry the baby, and be able to deliver the baby whether natural or C-Section, I'd really like to have my DNA. If we could make an egg from her skin cells, I'd really like that too!
I am trying to find out about it so I can be more reasonable as hopefully a future husband (if she says yes and then is willing to walk down the aisle and then assuming our marriage goes well). We have a very strong Christian connection, me Catholic and her Baptist/Nondenominational. I love her so much! I have bought a ring and was so glad she wasn't demanding. I settled on a $1,100 ring and wedding band.
I love her. I guess I feel like if I have a live adoption, I am giving a child a good home. I don't see that with embryo adoption/donation. I kinda want a baby that is similar to both of us and I think having my DNA may be a closer match.
Of course, the most important thing is how we parent the children. I vowed to treat any adopted children the same as genetically identical children and intend to honor that because I hope our children will be happy and healthy regardless of their identity.