Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
After more than 10 years of on and off trying to conceive, I've officially decided to be done. I've had an IUD inserted, and I'm shutting the system down. If I'm never going to use it, why go through the monthly cycle, right?! I was having cycle issues anyway, and the IUD was a way to solve that problem.
We've been tested, and there's nothing out of the ordinary. We've chosen not to take the route of medical intervention. For many reasons, it just doesn't suit us. And, we feel that Mother Nature must be trying to tell us something, so let's not mess with it. We've also decided against adoption. I've played all of my heartbreak cards, and I don't have any left to play. I'm just not sure I have the strength to be on the child-train any longer.
The hardest part of all of this is that I've been told that I'm selfish for not doing everything I can to have a child. I've also been told (by a senior manager) that there is a part of my job that I can't understand because I am not a mother. I've been asked if I've considered fertility treatments or adoption...like I've never thought of that before! I've been made to feel as though I am not whole because I am not a mother. I've also been told that "you won't know love until you're a mother!" Yeah. Thanks for that.
I am getting to a place of comfort in my decisions to "shut the system down", and close the door to that dream of having a family. Comfort is one thing. The emotion of it is quite another. I may always be dealing with that. And so long as there are ignorant, opinionated, and judgmental women out there who chastise us, judge us, and look down upon those of us who will never be mothers...there will always be a part of me dealing with this. It is hard closing the door to motherhood. I've physically closed it, but mentally, I haven't moved on yet. I hope that, soon, it will get easier to move on and embrace the beautiful life my husband and I are going to build for ourselves!
We've been tested, and there's nothing out of the ordinary. We've chosen not to take the route of medical intervention. For many reasons, it just doesn't suit us. And, we feel that Mother Nature must be trying to tell us something, so let's not mess with it. We've also decided against adoption. I've played all of my heartbreak cards, and I don't have any left to play. I'm just not sure I have the strength to be on the child-train any longer.
The hardest part of all of this is that I've been told that I'm selfish for not doing everything I can to have a child. I've also been told (by a senior manager) that there is a part of my job that I can't understand because I am not a mother. I've been asked if I've considered fertility treatments or adoption...like I've never thought of that before! I've been made to feel as though I am not whole because I am not a mother. I've also been told that "you won't know love until you're a mother!" Yeah. Thanks for that.
I am getting to a place of comfort in my decisions to "shut the system down", and close the door to that dream of having a family. Comfort is one thing. The emotion of it is quite another. I may always be dealing with that. And so long as there are ignorant, opinionated, and judgmental women out there who chastise us, judge us, and look down upon those of us who will never be mothers...there will always be a part of me dealing with this. It is hard closing the door to motherhood. I've physically closed it, but mentally, I haven't moved on yet. I hope that, soon, it will get easier to move on and embrace the beautiful life my husband and I are going to build for ourselves!
lilie315 - yeah, it is ok to make choices for yourself. The one thing I have learned is not to compromise who I am or what I need to do, just because we women are "supposed to produce children". I have never allowed myself to be characterized that way, and I think it is important for us to remember that we have the choice. We may have always WANTED to become a mother, but we don't always get that choice. But we do have the choice to say "I'm done", whenever we feel we need to put a stop to playing heartbreak cards. Eventually, we run out of them. I know I have. I've learned that you can only do what is right for you. Some will do everything under the sun to have a child, others will choose varying paths from that. We make those choices because they are right for us, and no one else.
I don't always feel very strong...I still cry from time to time, and my heart is stung every time someone announces a pregnancy. But I feel strong in my choice to say that I'm done, and I'm glad that I won't have to live through another disappointment, or another "what if", or another "hope". Now I just have to mourn...and start building a new dream...
I suggest the blogs "Ever Upward" and "Life Without Baby" The latter has a forum that's very active. Both blogs have helped me a lot.
((HUGS))
When I look myself in the mirror, I know I'm not being selfish. I am quite comfortable with the decisions I've made along my path. But as we all know, it is very hurtful to hear those things from others.
Regarding the manager...my coworker and I wondered if we should have talked to HR, but we chose not to. We did go through our supervisor, and our Director above this manager. It was "addressed", but this manager never apologized to me for her words. This manager is now my Director. (ugh) I don't trust her, but fortunately I have a supervisor and manager between me and her, so I don't work with her directly...at least not yet. To be honest....my assessment of her is that she is very insecure, and she finds ways of lifting herself up by bullying and making condescending and inappropriate comments like this. I feel sorry for her in all honesty.
But thankfully all this is the story of the past now. And I've got nothing to regret about. Let God help all of us on our paths and never lets us down for whatever the reason might be!
I'm glad you have nothing to regret as well. I think that is an important place to be in our lives!