Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi
I'm new to this, I read a lot of different forums, but this is the first time I've joined one. I figured it was time I started talking with others. I just turned 35, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 6 years now. I've had two miscarriages, and a chemical pregnancy.
After a year of marriage I went of BC, we just went on with out lives, not trying, but not hindering anything either. We figured if we had them, we had them, if not then that's ok too. That was the naive 29 year old thinking "It will happen, I'm not going to worry about the not getting pregnant part."
That first year ended in me having a miscarriage. I was very sad, but I looked at it as "well I know I can get pregnant that has to count for something"
After that it was years of negative after negative pregnancy tests. I did an HSG, it showed I had tiny tubes, but not much else. I did clomid, without success, and I've choked down every supplement and tea there is. Husband was tested he's fine so it's all me. As far as the doctors know, I have a hormonal imbalance, but nothing seems to help.
I've done everything up to an IUI/IVF. I'm not so naive anymore. I know those procedure rarely work on the first try. And at 35 I'm getting tired of being on this ride. I don't think we can go any further. I can't spend all that money and have it not work. I don't think I could handle not having a child and then being dead broke on top of that.
I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for this past cycle. I was four days late, which never EVER happens. I didn't get excited (but I did get a smidge hopeful), it was probably just a weird cycle. And I was right, my period started up this morning. Something in my broke completely I needed people to talk to about this.
My friends and family are great, but none of them have gone through infertility like I have. One or two have had miscarriages, but went on to have healthy children. Talking to them just isn't helpful, they mean well. They understand the loss of a child like I do, but after talking about their loss, they can go home and snuggle their kids and thank the stars that nature worked in their favor.
I'm 35, sad, angry, and kinda bitter sometimes. I'm trying to accept that it's probably just going to be my husband and I going through life together. Which isn't a bad thing at all, it's just not what I pictured.
I'm thrilled to join such a supportive group, but I have one thing to ask, please don't send me religious words of inspiration. I lost faith a long time ago, I prayed a lot in the beginning and got nothing from it. I've had people tell me to chalk it up to God plans. Those kinds of phrases just fall flat with me.
I need help ladies, I need to know there's a way to cope with all this.
I'm new to this, I read a lot of different forums, but this is the first time I've joined one. I figured it was time I started talking with others. I just turned 35, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for almost 6 years now. I've had two miscarriages, and a chemical pregnancy.
After a year of marriage I went of BC, we just went on with out lives, not trying, but not hindering anything either. We figured if we had them, we had them, if not then that's ok too. That was the naive 29 year old thinking "It will happen, I'm not going to worry about the not getting pregnant part."
That first year ended in me having a miscarriage. I was very sad, but I looked at it as "well I know I can get pregnant that has to count for something"
After that it was years of negative after negative pregnancy tests. I did an HSG, it showed I had tiny tubes, but not much else. I did clomid, without success, and I've choked down every supplement and tea there is. Husband was tested he's fine so it's all me. As far as the doctors know, I have a hormonal imbalance, but nothing seems to help.
I've done everything up to an IUI/IVF. I'm not so naive anymore. I know those procedure rarely work on the first try. And at 35 I'm getting tired of being on this ride. I don't think we can go any further. I can't spend all that money and have it not work. I don't think I could handle not having a child and then being dead broke on top of that.
I probably wouldn't be here if it weren't for this past cycle. I was four days late, which never EVER happens. I didn't get excited (but I did get a smidge hopeful), it was probably just a weird cycle. And I was right, my period started up this morning. Something in my broke completely I needed people to talk to about this.
My friends and family are great, but none of them have gone through infertility like I have. One or two have had miscarriages, but went on to have healthy children. Talking to them just isn't helpful, they mean well. They understand the loss of a child like I do, but after talking about their loss, they can go home and snuggle their kids and thank the stars that nature worked in their favor.
I'm 35, sad, angry, and kinda bitter sometimes. I'm trying to accept that it's probably just going to be my husband and I going through life together. Which isn't a bad thing at all, it's just not what I pictured.
I'm thrilled to join such a supportive group, but I have one thing to ask, please don't send me religious words of inspiration. I lost faith a long time ago, I prayed a lot in the beginning and got nothing from it. I've had people tell me to chalk it up to God plans. Those kinds of phrases just fall flat with me.
I need help ladies, I need to know there's a way to cope with all this.
I am sorry you are here but welcome none the less. Years of infertility can take a toll on you, your marriage, and your support system. Every infertility experience is different and while your friends understand a bit, it's not the whole picture. They went on to have health children, which reaffirmed some of the issues that we deal with, such as how we define our selves as women, how the world sees us and so on.
They do not have to deal with those feelings, but often infertility, even second infertility can leave us feeling empty, unfulfilled and less of a woman. Dealing with this for many of us is day to day, some hour to hour, week to week, and others are month to month (mother nature and her reminder that the plumbing works but the house is not for rent).
Many of us cope in many ways. When I was new to this, I would avoid the baby aisle like the plague! I now just "hide" friends on facebook. For the over all day to day, I try to keep busy, but some days, you need to allow yourself to wollow in the feelings. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness (cry), anger (scream!), bitterness (think what you will). Understand that these feelings do not define you, they are just how you feel in this moment. Allow them to be there. Then move on. If you're talking with DH, tell him. Tell him how you feel. Let me know. Then move on. Change the subject. If you are close with your mom, tell her, then move on. "*insert person* I feel really *emotion* right now" they will most likely respond with care and then change the subject.
Acknowledging these feelings will help them pass. The days will go on and you will think about it. I will not tell you you will stop thinking about it. You may never. But when you do, it wont feel has empty, or as sad, or as lonely. Try to enjoy your husband and relationships.
These issues take a toll on marriages. Do things that you like. My husband is my best friend, and when I need him, he hugs me. I ask for hugs. I look at him and say "I feel *emotion* about our issues, please hug me" He hugs me and usually adds "You're beautiful". Make sure the person you are on this journey with you, is with you. Enjoy him and enjoy what you have together.
I am currently trying IVF again, but I don't know how much more I will be able to handle if it doesn't work this time.
I worry too that my life will not be how I pictured it, and I even have thought about letting my husband go so that he could have the family that he always wanted.
Dealing with infertility is really hard. It is so hard to not let it consume you and all aspects of your life. I did let it consume me, and I am currently trying to re-gain parts of myself that I feel I lost through this journey, but I think the anger and sadness are normal. I get so angry at people that are insensitive and say all of the wrong things.
I think it helps to discuss with your husband alternate plans for the in case it never happens for us. Have you considered adoption?
I hope that you find the support that you need here. If you ever need anything you can message me!
My husband has been a rock through all of this. I asked him once if he regrets being with someone who can't give him children. He looked me square in the eyes and said. "All I've ever wanted was you. Children, or no I'm happy with what we have."
Day one of my cycle is the hardest, that's when I cry and punch pillows. Once that's over I can usually pick myself up and go on. Then I treat myself to something, a new item of clothing, an ice cream, or a skein of really nice yarn (I'm a textile artist). It helps ease the pain a bit, and helps me realize there are still plenty of good things in life. The rest of the month I just have this low hum of sadness that's always there, but is bearable.
I am very happy to have found people who understand.
I joined this site because I had to find a non judgmental outlet that i could vent to and know that my feelings were truly understood.
For any one of us, children may never be in the cards. But we don't have to go through it alone!
my other SIL that lives 5 mins down the rd, just announced shes pregnant...on my birthday :)....i dislike her...always have. However, I made it very clear to her that i would most likely politely decline many of her invites baby related.
You have to do what is in the best interest of you and your spouse. My husband is actually really up set with his sister (the 5 mins down the rd girl) that he cancelled all standing dinners with her and isnt speaking to her.
If your friends and family do not understand, than that is their hang up not yours. This isnt something you wanted or something you brought on yourself. This is something that has happened to you and you are trying to deal with all the emotions that comes with it
Blah ! its so exhausting to deal with. With the recent news of my SIL, it has fuel me wanting to try again but I cant because like you IVF is the only option and it may not even work
I couldn't be around her or speak to her for months. Ugh she hadn't even tried.The good thing was she understood why I couldn't be around her and wasn't angry. Their wedding was fun, but it choked me a little to see them getting photos of them with their son.
I had a great time at their wedding, and also had a good time that night with my husband. Unfortunately I wasn't as lucky as she had been :D