Infertility, Secondary Support Group

"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.

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meg40185 07/17/2011

I got my period a few days ago, after trying so hard this month to conceive. It has now been about 5 1/2 years since I started trying again, and I am slowly losing hope. Each month, it seems to hit me a bit harder than it did the month before. I can't recall exactly how many negative pregnancy tests I've had over these problem years, but I do know that my heart aches a little more with each and every one. It's getting to the point where I can't stand to see my friends having baby after baby. Can't stand to watch movies with children in them. I just want to scream and cry all the time. I just feel so broken all of the time. It consumes me. I feel horrible, because I have a wonderful 6 year old boy who is the light of my life. He should be enough for me. But each time he asks me about a brother or a sister, or cries because he doesn't have anyone to play with, it breaks my heart. I feel like I've failed him in so many ways. I just don't know how to deal with it all anymore. How to cope. I read an article a while back in Redbook magazine, about a woman who doesn't like her child and feels like she can't love her daughter. It broke my heart completely just reading it. Why do people that have so much love to share get denied the opportunity to share it, and those that can't love, or abuse and mistreat their children, get it all?? I'm so confused by that. I just needed to vent a little bit, because I feel like no one understands me or what I'm going through emotionally. I know that all of you here do, and won't judge. Anyone else having the same feelings constantly? I would love to find a way to cope with this and keep it from constantly consuming me. Please help!

deleted_user 07/17/2011

Hi Meg,
I don't know that I have great advice. But, I have been there. I distracted myself with school for a while and am now leaning towards another ride on the crazy train. Definitely no judgment here. What are some of the things you have tried? Maybe I can give you some tips on that. I got pregnant three times last go round. Just couldn't seem to hang on to them. All lost in the first trimester. Anyway, hang in there. You can always message me if you need to vent.

deleted_user 07/18/2011

I feel for you I am on the two or less wait period and it is torture, I won't even test till I miss or if I miss a period. Don't want the disappointment. Sorry you are having so much trouble, I guess just keep going and asking your doctor what else can be done. I'ts hard, but think of it this way as well. How sad would you feel without your six year old at least you have that. I am not trying to hurt you in any way it just makes me feel better sometimes knowning my eight yr old is here and loves me.
Good luck to you
try not to stress it's bad for the body
baby dust to you
J

deleted_user 07/18/2011

I know what you mean. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who is my precious angel. I love him with all my heart and soul and yet I want to badly to have another baby. I was so depressed when I got my period recently - I had been so sure I was pregnant. I literally felt that my heart was broken and I wasn't sure if I could continue on in this process because it really takes an emotional and physical toll. Really, the only thing that helped pull me through was my son - every time I see him smile or he gives me a hug and a kiss, a little piece of my heart is healed. I also feel that it is hard to see people who are pregnant, just gave birth, etc. I feel that everyone around me in my life is either expecting or recently had a baby. My best friend just had her third child. My sister is expecting. Another friend of mine is expecting. Etc. I know this may not sound very "inspiring", but I hang onto belief and hope with every fiber of my being. Belief and hope that I will soon have a healthy, happy baby. I hope this helps. Good luck!

deleted_user 08/07/2011

I still want to try acupuncture for fertility I believe it's the way. a lot of times western medicine gives you a prescription and send you on your way. I can't afford IVF or I would do that, but there are acupuncturist if you go on acufinder.com that can help you and some have had high success. Just a thought just something I personally have done for other health issuses and now am thinking about making a commitment to go twice a week. Western medicine is so limited and negative. JMO

deleted_user 09/08/2011

Hi,

I'm new here but I'm going through the same situation as you. My daughter who is 5 years old also longed for siblings, 2 siblings indeed. She said she wants to have 2 siblings just like her cousins who are my older sister's kids. I too been struggling to get pregnant. I've been TTC for eight months and ended up with 3 miscarriages with 2 very early miscarriage and the last one I was pregnant for 2 months but was instructed by my gynae to terminate the pregnancy since the foetus doesn't have a heartbeat. I was devastated and it was the darkest moment in my life. Its been 2 mths since the termination but I still feel frustration, anger, sadness and depressed. My hubby keep telling me to get over it and stop crying. Family, friends doesn't have much too with everyone saying its OK you will have another baby when it's time. But I find those words they said even though to them it's fine but to me it's making me feel even worse.
I do hope we could help each other through this difficult situation that we both are in and I really prayed that everyone who are going through similar situation will have good news SOON :-)
Pls message me if you feel like you need someone to talk to and I too need someone who is able to understand my situation right now. I hope you will feel better in the next few days.
Take care and lots of HUGZ...

deleted_user 09/09/2011

I totally feel your pain. I have a son who is 4 years old and the other day he told me "Mom, I don't have a brother or sister and I am the only one" and he looked so sad. I just wanted to cry. We too have struggled to get pregnant with him after 4th IUI and then in 2009, we got pregnant on our own just to miscarry at 9 weeks. We have tried since to conceive with no success. We are now doing donor egg and she is scheduled to stim on September 24th. I do feel your anger and frustration when women get pregnant so easily and mistreat or abort their children, just tears me up inside. I believe in God but get angry sometimes of why He allows things to happen but I know that He has a reason for all of this and some things we will never understand. Hang in there, we are here for you.
Hugs,
Sher

deleted_user 09/10/2011

Wow, Meg, this sounds like something I would write!! Sorry I am just seeing this post now when you wrote it in July..... I also have one child, an amazing 8-year-old daughter, and my husband and I have been ttc since she was almost 3 years - makes it over 5 years now. I've been thru several surgeries and tried (very short-term) some other treatments. It's very exhausting, and it tires me just to type about it. The worst??? The guilt over being sad about this.... I have a perfect, beautiful, healthy, amazing, loving child and even my husband makes comments about being thankful about having her. Here's the thing - I have NEVER felt or said anything about not being thankful or feeling like God blessed us with her! It's only that I desire to have more children because I love her so much, and she so wants and needs a brother or sister. I grew up an only child, and know the lonliness with that. To this day, I still long for a sibling.

meg40185 09/11/2011

Thanks for the advice and love everyone. I was feeling a little better these past few months, but menstruation time is always a difficult time to deal with. I'm there again, expecting AF sometime around the 15th, and I'm trying my best to not get my hopes up this time, as I do every month. But it's hard! It's so difficult to not grasp at a little bit of hope! I have a strong belief in God, but this whole experience sometimes leads me to wonder why... I know there's a reason for everything, but it's hard to make sense of it sometimes. I feel like there are times when He's just trying to get me to go over the edge, especially with my friends and family constantly having babies. We took a trip to dinner and to Wal-Mart the other day and couldn't get away from babies! In the restaurant, there was a newborn baby right behind me. They were in every single aisle I went down at Wal-Mart. And then to top it off, there were TWIN newborns in the check-out line in front of me. There are always constant reminders that I'm just not good enough, and it kills me. I don't mean to be so angry, but then again, I feel like I have a RIGHT to be angry! This is one of the hardest things in my life to deal with, and it would be even harder if I didn't have all of you wonderful ladies to vent to. No one understands. And even though I know all of us are greatful for what we already have, it's impossible to not be hurt and angry over this, and just want more! Hugs to all of you! I guess we just have to take this one day at a time.

deleted_user 09/11/2011

same here. 6 year old son asking for a sibling FOREVER. 5 years later 3 failed iui's a successful ivf which ended in a loss at 14 weeks and i dont know how to feel. we are going to egg retrieval tomm and i cant even believe we have revisited IVF again........ I feel like i need to do everything in my powe and then put the chapter to rest and be at peace.

deleted_user 09/16/2011

Hi,

I'm new to the site, but I get every feeling youare having. My daughter just started asking why she doesn't have a sibling or why there is no baby in my tummy when a large amount of my friends are on their second or third. I hope you feel better soon! Lots of love and good wishes.

justhoping 12/04/2011

I'm new to this and after reading all the post it sounds just like what I feel like. I have an amazing 3.5 year old and 3 step-kids. I love them all my son's hugs and kisses are the best and help me with the hard times. When people tell me to be great-ful for him, I'm so great-ful for him and love him with all my heart. I just desire more children because being a mom brings so much joy! Wanted to say thanks for your post it made me feel not so alone.

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