Infertility, Secondary Support Group

"Secondary infertility" is difficulty conceiving after already having conceived and carried a normal pregnancy. Apart from various medical conditions (e.g. hormonal), this may come as a result of age and stress felt to provide a sibling for their first child.

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/ Infertility, Secondary Support Group

Extra pressure

endowoman
endowoman
My husband and I have decided to try IVF in a couple of months and so the next few months feel like our last kick at the can for trying to get pregnant on our own. I am ovulating right now, and I am feeling sooo much more pressure than I normally do at this time of the month. Panic attacks and crying fits...all because I just keep thinking "If you get pregnant you won't have to spend 10000 dollars on IVF." On top of that people have mentioned to me several times that people often get pregnant after they make the decision to do IVF. How often could that happen really? Don't people realize that when they tell you things like that that you just get false hope that maybe it is going to happen after all this time. Just like that! I feel awful, and it is sooo hard because I feel even more awful because of my son. I dont want him to see me acting like a crazy person all the time. What he must think of mommy being so sad all the time! Anyway, I just needed to vent a little. Thanks to everyone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good luck!! I hope it does happen for you natrually so you don't have to spend that $ but just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I know what you mean about pressure though because I feel pressure every month that goes by that my daughter and this baby #2 which doesnt exist will be further apart or maybe she will never have a sibling and it gets to me and makes me feel even more pressure. I know it's not the same thing as you, but just that pressure feeling. It makes you insane. Good luck! I hope all goes well for you. I am trying IUI next cycle so I hope it works for me.
endowoman
endowoman
I totally know what you mean by the pressure to have children closer together. I have felt that extremely in the last year or so, but have finally come to terms with the fact I can't control it and so there is no point worrying about it. Also, my son is pretty happy right now and has no idea that he might want a brother or sister. I am grateful for that. Thanks for the well wishes. We just finished trying for another month so we are waiting, but I really don't ever feel much hope anymore on the 2ww. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. The week leading up to ovulation was really tough. I was feeling panicky etc all week, but I seem to be a bit better now.

Anyway, I hope the IUI works for you too! I will be thinking of you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
How old is your son? I have to say it is extremely comforting to find this group because I have felt so alone this past year as everyone I know has gotten pregnant easily no problem and it is so hard when they come to their due date and I think that could have been me. I do not know anyone in "real" life that has suffered from infertility. The closest thing is that they tried for a year before getting pg but they also weren't tracking ovulation or anything and just winging it so I dont count that because they were just not timing things properly. It feels so much worse when u pin point ovulation and everything and it still doesn't happen. I am in the 2ww right now as well but I ran out of ovulation sticks before I even detected a surge so I have no clue when I ovulated and therefore have no clue when AF is due. So its just a waiting game and once this cycle ends I can begin my journey with IUI. HOw long have you been trying?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can completely relate to this. Both my husband and I are only children and I so desperately want to give my daughter a sibling. I really wanted them to be about a year apart, but of course, things did not go as planned. She is now 2 1/2 and will probably never have a sibling, and if a miracle occurs, she will be quite a bit older than them. I definitely feel the pressure each month too...I am getting older as well, and it's like I hear a clock ticking. I watch friends popping out kids every 2 years, right on time, just like they planned, and it really hurts. But, as you both have said, it's not something we can control. We aren't doing anything wrong, it's just nature, unfortunately. Some people are lucky and get pregnant easily, some are not. And some can't have children at all, which I can't imagine. I try not to let it get to me because being stressed doesn't help when trying to conceive, but how do you NOT think about it? It's impossible!!! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can completely relate to this. Both my husband and I are only children and I so desperately want to give my daughter a sibling. I really wanted them to be about a year apart, but of course, things did not go as planned. She is now 2 1/2 and will probably never have a sibling, and if a miracle occurs, she will be quite a bit older than them. I definitely feel the pressure each month too...I am getting older as well, and it's like I hear a clock ticking. I watch friends popping out kids every 2 years, right on time, just like they planned, and it really hurts. But, as you both have said, it's not something we can control. We aren't doing anything wrong, it's just nature, unfortunately. Some people are lucky and get pregnant easily, some are not. And some can't have children at all, which I can't imagine. I try not to let it get to me because being stressed doesn't help when trying to conceive, but how do you NOT think about it? It's impossible!!! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can completely relate to this. Both my husband and I are only children and I so desperately want to give my daughter a sibling. I really wanted them to be about a year apart, but of course, things did not go as planned. She is now 2 1/2 and will probably never have a sibling, and if a miracle occurs, she will be quite a bit older than them. I definitely feel the pressure each month too...I am getting older as well, and it's like I hear a clock ticking. I watch friends popping out kids every 2 years, right on time, just like they planned, and it really hurts. But, as you both have said, it's not something we can control. We aren't doing anything wrong, it's just nature, unfortunately. Some people are lucky and get pregnant easily, some are not. And some can't have children at all, which I can't imagine. I try not to let it get to me because being stressed doesn't help when trying to conceive, but how do you NOT think about it? It's impossible!!! :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Amen to that!!! You are so right when you say they pop them out every 2 years like clock work. I met a lady at the park who had a 4year old, 2year old and 1year old and was about to have another......I was happy I wasn't her cuz thats a LOT but still I thought omg why cant I just have one more!!
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