dsf95-
It's hard to tell someone that you were taken advantage of, and overpowered. Although it's not logical, we can sometimes feel that victimization is a "weakness", or "personal failure" within ourselves. And anything to do with sex is likely to make it even harder to share this kind of story because of ridiculous sexual taboos and victim bashing. It's no wonder that disclosing sexual abuse is so painful.

But dsf95...how would you react to a victim of abuse who dared to talk about it? Would you be disgusted at the victim or at the abuser? You'd probably think any negativity at all would belong to the abuser, right? Well, so would anyone with common sense and compassion- and they'd think the same way when you talk about your own abuse.

Please try to focus on your total innocence in this matter, and how amazing and strong you are (shame and humiliation don't apply to you). If you can internalize that, then the definition of who you *truly* are can't change, no matter what kind of input you get from others.

I hope focusing on your strengths will make it less uncomfortable for you to talk to your mom and brother :-)

Thanks for the kind reply

It really and truly is not your fault.

Hmm. If your uncle is so intellectually disabled that he is NOT responsible for what he does?

Why on earth was he left alone with a child? The guilt falls on the people around him if he is really that disabled.

...But I expect he is not that disabled. I expect he knew what he was doing was wrong, and your aunt is making excuses, when he ought to be in jail.

I agree. It's extremely humiliating and difficult for people to know. After my uncle stopped abusing me, my best friend who was being abused by his father attacked me. His father hurting him caused him to hurt me, but is he at fault for his own actions? It depends on who you ask. I think it's your uncle's fault he hurt you and your aunt just wants to make excuses and not let him take responsibility for his own actions. If he were really that badly off, it would be illegal for her to marry him.

Wherever the blame lies, it's not on you, dsf. That much should be crystal clear.

My dad would roll his eyes when he alluded to the close relationship I had with my older sister. I felt like I should be ashamed of it, but now I see that he and my sister should be deeply ashamed for the way they treated me.

I mean, what kind of person blames an eight-year-old child for being seduced by his adult sister?...especially when the sister was called on to take over the raising of the child while she was a child herself...a responsibility she should never have been given.

It's the adults who caused or enabled the abuse who are to blame...always. It's never, never the child's fault.

hi I just wanted to add that I hope you are feeling less humiliated. I think it feels humiliating when other people know because we feel ashamed of what happened. but as everyone here has said, we were innocent. have you tried imagining how you would feel if a friend told you he or she was abused as a child? Imagine being the safe adult your inner child confides in and then give that nurturing back to yourself ... I think that exercise will help.

I think it helps to realize you were trapped. And everyone recognizes you could not have gone out on your own and escaped the horror because you were a kid. Talking about the humiliation is good because we all have to rid ourselves of that undeserved emotion.,

If he had something wrong with him it might have affected his judgment and he did not totally understand the wrong. You might feel pity, but don't put yourself or another in harm's way where he is concerned. If you and a sister and your mom are all his victims, history proves he did not stop committing incest. I wish you had been protected from him.