don't hurt yourself, hope-25. stay beautiful on the inside and the outside.

he is a scumbag. but you are surviving and one day you will be away from him. Stick to your plan for independence and when you can leave, don't look back. Hugs to you!

You will be ok. I didn't believe i would for the longest time. But I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. I've gone from dark nights alone contemplating suicide to belief that I really have a place in this world. It gets better but you have to work for it, want it, earn it. Release yourself from the negatives that are dragging you through the dirt, you can feel good, you can release the nightmares, you can hold the power of you and move forward. You have so much life a head of you. It will be tough, but you can do it.

Thank you so much you two

I want to point something out...
You don't have to keep nailing yourself to the cross for them. They never did it for you, did they?

But i am my familys' keeper

Then who's your keeper? who set up this unfair situation? are you sure the universe appointed you or was it your family?

I don't know it has just always been this way.. I take care of myself as best I can no one else ever has..

The best way to take care of yourself is to STOP being your family's keeper. Really.

How when everyone turns to me

Just stop.
You're doing your parent's job for them.
They put all this responsibility on you that ought to have been theirs.

...I sound all mean and stuff, but I see you hurting.
I don't want you to get hurt anymore for people who care about you so little.
:(
You're a star, and they treat you so poorly!

I want to stop I do I'm tired of carrying the weight of my family in my shoulders but that's my role we all have roles and if I stop my role I will disappear no longer be needed

Ah.
But you are not your role.
You are you.

And you will still be needed, but by yourself and the other inside people.

Idk who I am or what my purpose is anymore

You can have any role you want - it's for you to choose not for your family to decide.

It is really hard to drop a role we have been trained into - I was my mothers companion and emotional prop for 40 years, but the cost to me was enormous. In my family I am the strong one, I have no rights to vulnerability or help. It is very hard to fight this (and I will never win) so mostly I stay away and feel so much better for it.

You have the right to a life for you - your existence does not depend upon how useful you are to people who do not respect you or treat you well.

If you need to feel needed by someone else (which I can well understand) consider offering your help to a local charity, work in a soup kitchen, with handicapped kids etc. There are loads of people out there who need help, who will benefit from it and who will appreciate it - unlike your family.