Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
When I started my DS involvement, I thought it was because I needed strength and support - and at the time, I guess it was and to a great degree still is.
But overtime there has been a change in me - I find now that instead of asking for help, I want, I crave, to offer hope and strength to others. I have lived through the depths of depression and self-hatred, emerging stronger and more willing to take on the oppressive nature of abuse aftereffects, not only in myself, but to the survivor community as a whole. I find great strength in offering positive energy to others. I try to stay very positive, as I am convinced that the human spirit is stronger than any physical or mental abuse that was ever conceived by man. And I see that showing through, time and again, on this and the sexual abuse group site.
I don't know everything, have never thought I did - but what I do know is all vanity unless I share it, my struggles only a vain practice unless I can pass that knowledge to someone else to better their lives.
Perhaps being a gay man and having no children with which to share my knowledge is also an impetus for passing along what I have gained. It's part of my legacy perhaps. But there are worse legacies to leave behind I suppose.
Ultimately, this line of thinking has gotten me to wonder - Why are others here? Often there are groups or other survivor meetings in most areas where you can share and receive strength and support - Why here?
So - an open question to all -
Why are you here? Why are you drawn to posting about your abuse, your struggles, your knowledge and your lives?
I think it you really think about it, sometimes ulterior motives arise and they may be more compelling than the obvious "I need support".
I know that many come here for support and that is great - but often I read so many other members that really ask for little, but give so much. Has anyone else found strength in supporting others? Has anyone else found that helping others solve the riddles in their heads have helped YOUR puzzle pieces fall into place better?
Let me know - I am very interested in this, as when I was counseling abuse victim's, I found that getting them involved in helping others was an act that seemed to strengthen them in the long run.
Awaiting your responses.
Refuse2quit
But overtime there has been a change in me - I find now that instead of asking for help, I want, I crave, to offer hope and strength to others. I have lived through the depths of depression and self-hatred, emerging stronger and more willing to take on the oppressive nature of abuse aftereffects, not only in myself, but to the survivor community as a whole. I find great strength in offering positive energy to others. I try to stay very positive, as I am convinced that the human spirit is stronger than any physical or mental abuse that was ever conceived by man. And I see that showing through, time and again, on this and the sexual abuse group site.
I don't know everything, have never thought I did - but what I do know is all vanity unless I share it, my struggles only a vain practice unless I can pass that knowledge to someone else to better their lives.
Perhaps being a gay man and having no children with which to share my knowledge is also an impetus for passing along what I have gained. It's part of my legacy perhaps. But there are worse legacies to leave behind I suppose.
Ultimately, this line of thinking has gotten me to wonder - Why are others here? Often there are groups or other survivor meetings in most areas where you can share and receive strength and support - Why here?
So - an open question to all -
Why are you here? Why are you drawn to posting about your abuse, your struggles, your knowledge and your lives?
I think it you really think about it, sometimes ulterior motives arise and they may be more compelling than the obvious "I need support".
I know that many come here for support and that is great - but often I read so many other members that really ask for little, but give so much. Has anyone else found strength in supporting others? Has anyone else found that helping others solve the riddles in their heads have helped YOUR puzzle pieces fall into place better?
Let me know - I am very interested in this, as when I was counseling abuse victim's, I found that getting them involved in helping others was an act that seemed to strengthen them in the long run.
Awaiting your responses.
Refuse2quit
Lots of amazing supportive people in here who are caring and empathetic. Thank you all for that. :)
Good answer, Good answer!!
Refuse2quit
D
I do hope this site has been good to you and for you - as it has for me.
Thanks for the reply.
All my best-
Refuse2quit
I also find this to be a fairly safe place. I've encountered some people that seem frightening around here but then I realize they might not even be real, and I feel safe again.
I do hope you find what you need here - I have found it is a great supportive resource.
As to having someone else talk about issues / emotions you have gone through - The first survivor group I was in was that way. It was so empowering to have my thoughts or feelings coming out of the mouths of others. There is a bonding element to that.
As for others here that scare you - I think that is part of the internet legacy - hard to know the anonymous. But there is another phenom that may be at work. I have read posts and as there is no emotional inflection in the typed word, no facial expressions to give us the usual clues to what the writer is meaning, I have misinterpreted the meaning completely, adding my one emphasis or thinking someone was speaking harshly when they weren't. But if anyone does seem to start setting off flags and you feel uncomfortable with their stance, say so - speak up, respectfully and see if you are truly understanding them. If someone bullies or harasses you here, report it to the DS team - they are good about giving warnings which, if not headed lead to banishment from the site.
Also, talk to friends you have made here about it. You may find they have similar experiences or they understand things about the poster that you do not.
You should not be fearful to come to this site - there are a lot of us that try to address anyone that "bullies" or force their opinion on others- that is NOT what this site is for.
All my best - hope this helps.
Refuse2quit
I keep researching abuse and effects ! I already understand myself so much better. I want to see how others cope with the after math. How do we manage so much fear?
Knowledge is power . I need to know everything and anything to heal the pain that is stealing my life.
There are a lot of answers to your question concerning fear - I like the quote that "fear is just courage lacking faith and hope" - forgot the author though.
We all face fears in our own way. But face them we must. My approach has been "I survived the abuse, I will certainly survive the memories and after effects"; and negativity is one of the greatest hurdles to jump, in my opinion.
Each of us have different experiences and different perspectives of our abuse - you may find that you share some similarities with other survivors, but your abuse is distinctly unique to you - as is your fear and your journey toward healing - that said, you do not have to take that journey alone - the path is often dark and has some pitfalls that others can help you get past with the fewest bruises and wounds as possible.
My experience is that the best way to approach fear is to first determine what you are scared of - otherwise you are just swinging at shadows in the dark! Once you have defined what you fear most, then you can start your attack of that fear - it is a step-by-step approach, but one that will keep you from getting too overloaded too quickly. There can be a methodology to conquering the effects and memories, but again, this also is as personal and unique as you are.
Share more when you feel comfortable doing so - once some facts are out there, others will have more to work with as far as giving you advice and options that you may not be aware of.
All my best - thanks for adding to the post!
Refuse2quit
I found the most painful emerged last, when iIwas 60 years old.
Although I had been in therapy and twelve steps for a long time, I could not find anybody who had experienced the same kind of abuse as mine, and I really felt like a "freak".
.I searched the whole of France, but was in agony of not beeing able to identify with someboy else.
It was a true miracle for me when I found out about Ds forums and itheir wide reach of countries and subjects.
My heart was bumping when I dared post about my story of incestuous abortions.
Next miracle was when a woman answered that, yes, it had also happened to her.
That bunch of lines she first wrote did more for my healing that anything I had read until then.I knew i was not alone anymore, that I could and would survive and heal.
Thank you for this thread.
You are more than welcome - it has really helped me grow, and it was just a "spur of the moment" question, somewhat.
I am so sorry you had to go through such - but am so glad that you sound as if you have conquered your deepest pain - the pain of feeling like "the only one". That is a particularly sad and harmful solitude, isn't it?
And as I have said before, there are few actions as empowering as having your words or emotions coming out of someone else's mouth. It seems to automatically validate and confirm what you have felt and experienced. And allows a feeling of normalcy otherwise denied.
All my best - glad you are here!!
Refuse2quit
If one has not had trauma like many of us they can not understand.
Then they tell me to get over it. And that pisses me off.