HI, I can relate to your conflict. I've had times where it was unbearable to be alone, and yet reaching out felt like it brought attack and pain.
I would say to hang in there, it won't stay like this. Maybe you could try trusting a few people in little ways, and see what happens. good luck.

I have (very) recently realised that the only people who have really hurt me are my parents. Since becoming an adult I have been hurt by a few people, but none that I couldn't walk away from. Most people have not hurt me - and definitely not as much as I have hurt myself by walking away from people out of fear.

Little steps. let trust and affection grow gradually with those who earn it. That way the risk is not too big or overwhelming.

hylierandom,

What do you mean by hurt? Having your feelings hurt? Being physically hurt? People disappointing you? Letting you down? Being betrayed? Emotionally wounded? Used? Laughed at? Bullied? Or...? What do you mean?

No one is immune from hurt; it's how we handle it that matters. And it's how we teach ourselves to stay away from the dysfunctional ones in the first place. And how we learn to trust--first ourselves--and then others.

I know that dealing with the ups and downs of life begins and ends with me. I've been hurt a lot and would, in the past, bury it. I don't do that any more; instead I process the hurt and learn from it. This work is often painful, but I'm getting better at picking healthy people.

And though I feel myself to be an introvert on the extreme end of the scale, I know I, too, would "become painfully insane" without people.

We are hardwired for people connection, so become an acute observer of the behavior of the person you are wanting to befriend.

Watch how they treat others, especially those who occupy a lower social position. Be aware of whether or not the person keeps their word, is honest, does what they say they will do, is kind, respectful and caring about others. You'll find there are some wonderful people around; it just takes time and awareness to find them. Don't let your fear stop you. Trust yourself and be safe, always.

xx
SuzA

I like to think of it as if I avoid the wrong people I will not be abused and if I let myself love the right people I will find acceptance,validation and redemption.

I'm still dealing with my ex-wife mentally...she was emotionally abusive in sneaky ways.

Yeah Hylie many abusers are very sneaky in how they turn their abuse of us into our faults.For example the Narcissistic Personality type:

Everything the narcissists does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive and hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern. She only wants what is best for you. She only wants to help you.

I avoid people and I LOVE it.....I enjoy my own company a LOT......
Maybe by default but I do.

Honestly I hate people 98%....Not the ones here because here we keep it real for the most part....I really like the contact with the members here.We may not know each other in person but you can feel people even through their avatars...and what I feel from the realness of people here who from their computer talk about what really matters to them and what they are really feeling its 100x better than the fake ass people in person I meet.

All replies but the narcissists..reply # 6 right on the money about those people.....their acts of "kindness" are motivated by their need for narcissistic supply and it takes a very sharp eye to spot it before you're fooled...along with everyone else.

Hylie, you did well to get away from your ex-wife. You got hurt, but you looked after yourself. Give yourself time to heal and recover, and give yourself some praise for acting in your own best interests.

Hugs