There was a report quite recently (sorry I don't have any link) that said that that saying is a load of bollocks. In fact what doesn't kill you is more likely to weaken you, unless you get the support you need to cope with it and heal.

They have active service limits for soldiers for that very reason - the more they are exposed to life threatening experiences, the more they are affected and the more likely they are to have subsequent problems.

Having said that - if you have suffered and survived then I think you must have been pretty damn strong in the first place.

When anyone I come across uses that saying I tell them it isn't true.

I can see how that would piss you off. It sure doesn't feel like it made me stronger but maybe we aren't always a good judge of how strong we actually are.

The one that makes me want to spit is "think of all those less fortunate" and similar pearls of wisdom. Of course I feel empathy for people who are struggling but it doesn't make me feel any better about my struggles. As a matter of fact it makes me feel like I am a piece of crap for feeling hurt/angry/overwhelmed/scared...whatever. Ah yes...give me more guilt and shame.

A$$ holes

I don't like that saying either. I'm sick of hearing it.

I don't always feel 'strong' - I'm still quite fragile at times.

Having clawed my way back from a 'stress breakdown' - which took the form of severe anxiety and clinical depression, I think many people don't understand what it's like to 'crumble into a million pieces' and then start the hard work of becoming a different person and facing the consequences of too much ignorance and abuse.

Changing one's belief and value systems can take ages and ages. Thanks goodness I've had help from a number of people.

None of us - I'm nearly sure - would ever choose to be an incest survivor. Having said that at least now we have a place to vent and support each other. I appreciate that.

I haven't posted for a while - haven't really had anything to say! Sometimes reading takes all my energy.

Daisymay

The stress on my body of having been through chronic abuse is probably why I have a wonky immune system, and that will likely shave years off my life. Probably also why I have chronic sinusitis.

What doesn't kill you can be a lifetime pain in the ass, methinks.

Too true, hylierandom !

Oh I've gotten stronger alright. But no one likes the reasons how or why.
Strange how just one person giving a rats fuck could so helpful for so many others. Just one (1).
Tom S. in Tn.

I hate that saying too.... and "it is what it is."

what you wrote about experiencing emotion through movies ... that is something. I think that is why I obsess on books and movies ... always someone else's story to help me feel because my own stories are too awful.

my grandmother supposedly adored me and I adored her too ... but she was stupid. How could she not know what was happening in her house to me? How could she have acted as if I was the most important wonderful little creature in the world and ignore what her husband did to me? I really am lucky because I know she loved me ... she just could not cope with reality and so pretended. but I know what you mean about stupid ... and I have to work at being angry and giving the shame to the real culprit instead of focusing on myself and the grown ups who should have protected me.

I personally like little sayings - I kind of collect them, but just for my own enjoyment. But, I certainly wouldn't use them as a way to placate people who have been through hell. When people "drop those little pearls" on you, I think it is just a way to avoid getting any deeper involved with the subject. To me it's sort of a "pre-fab" conversation stuffer. And that particular old walnut is sort of like saying "it must not have been that bad - you lived through it". I understand the thought behind it - that through struggle we can gain strength - but it certainly should not be used to "sum up" what we, as survivors, went through. And not all people do gain strength through struggle - I do believe it is possible, but to use such as a "one size fits all" saying is just generalizing and no one statement can fit everyone.
I do believe we are all strong here - weak people do not go online and talk about the most horrible and traumatizing periods of their lives with the hope that they can overcome - that is not weakness, but strength in it's essence. Weak people give in and give up. I don't see much of that here - I do hear other say they feel like giving up at times, but they don't - they keep coming back due to the initial strength that brought them this far in the first place.
All my best
Refuse2quit

Yeh, Totally agree! What a stupid saying that is.
How the hell can something so hard to deal with bring you strength! That is a load of crap!
Sorry you had to go through the abuse you went through. I hope that healing comes your way. I have a lot of hate/love relationships. But I am keeping to myself lately and quite frankly enjoying my own solitude right now!
I have heard that saying flying around and people that say it I think mean well, but bottom line is it doesn't give anyone strength. Pain, abuse, hurt doesn't strengthen.

Yet another of my favorite really bad clichs! Obviously, physical or emotional injury weakens.

Who has the right to determine that the way an individual deals with trauma is either "weak" or "strong"?