...Time to step away from soap opera?

Seriously, what about the victim resonates with you?
What emotions are included in the catch-all of stating you are upset?

BTW, not trying to pick on you for watching it, but it sounds like you're compulsively watching something that could overload you.

Be careful, ok?

My bestie gets the crap triggered out of him by sex scandals, yet I can't get him to give the news a break.

Personally I can't watch soaps - too much drama, deceit and everything seems to center around sex. I think they show how obsessed our society is with knowing the "gossipy" side of things.
Just my opinion, but I do wonder if you need to perhaps give the soaps a break until you feel more stable with your progress.
Just try to remember the story, as sad as it seems, is written to keep viewers watching and is not a reality based story. It does seem to center on the corruption of innocence doesn't it.
Take care - watch if you can and want, but for me, soaps are just not on my schedule - I have enough drama in day to day life, don't need more from the 'tube'.
All my best,
Refuse2quit

I've gotten obsessed with a trial and a movie. With the trial, I would get up at 3 am because it was in a different time zone and needed to watch the live feed everyday.

Eventually, it fizzled out and I think I worked through some inner fears and gained a wealth of understanding about society, denial, and how easy it is to blame the victim when incest is involved. I don't think I could have listened to anyone who would have tried to tell me to step away from it. I was just way too involved.

In retrospect, the obsession was because I identified so strongly with the accused in the trial. I really felt like I could have been her.

When I was obsessed with the movie, I got a little delusional and found myself thinking someone was sending me secret messages via the movie. That obsession (and delusion) was all about grief. I'd lost someone suddenly and never really grieved over it. In fact, I just couldn't accept this person was gone. That also fizzled out.

I can't tell you the number of times i blatantly dance right into stuff i know will trigger me. I don't know why I do it but I do know you aren't alone.

As for "dancing into triggering" situations, as Cecil so well put it - I have heard about so many victim's say similar things - I went through similar "romances with pain" when I still had a lot of panic attacks and meltdowns. For me, I think that this was how I desensitized myself from all the impact that triggers had for me. I would find something that triggered me and then have the entire episode of shaking, crying, having to leave certain places, get alone - pretty typical "regathering" of my composure. But I do know at times I really, intentionally dwelt on the subject and let it just trigger and trigger me over and over. In time, it was like I scarred the emotions out of the situations by just repeatedly exposing myself to those emotions. In time, I was able to stop the triggers or at least keep my composure. It has been a long time since I have really melted down and had an uncontrolled feeling concerning my abuse. I have had depression and such, but rarely does those memories hold the emotions that they once did.
For me this was the only way to overcome the fear and insecurity of never knowing how or where I would react to something. I even go to the point where I will purposefully seek out things to see how well I can stand them - things that used to really send me off into shake- & sniffle-land, like my cousin's cologne or the smell of a particular hand cleaner that always seemed to be present during my abuse. Now I know I can take about anything. My real issues now seem to deal with the sudden anger that hits me when I realize that even as healed as I feel I am, I still see how the abuse has changed and left my life in disarray for so many years - Argh!!!
All my best everyone - the Colts are having a really bad 1st half against the Texans......another reason to be pissed!
Refuse2quit

thanks for all the replies