Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
i was around 7-9 yr old my older cousin (10-13) used to baby sit us... brothers i and two female cousins all younger than him.. he had us tricked said it was a game... but we couldnt talk about it.. it started off kissing... then touching.. then oral.. he never penetrated me but went through the motions.. clothes off... he said we couldnt tell no one.. we would get in trouble.. and him being the authourity figure we fell in line.. he was not i guess "physically abusive" but did force his will apon us.. any how yesterday after an intense discussion with m,y boyfriend i gathered the courage to out him to his family my auntys and uncle.. some how i feel they knew... i remeber when i was little i was confronted by my mom and truth be told i denied it.. "stupid" not 10 years later i spoke the word i replayed over and over in my mind.. but no one believes me they are all mad and fighting with me now, his wife hit me up.. i told her what he did to me.. but now im confused because after a while i let him use me.. so i feel likei just destroyed my family for no reason... i need to know was this molestation of just some kids playing around.. i am now 20... and growing up i always shyed away from men and when comfronted i gave them what ever they wanted.. i will be in the middle of intercourse and ill bust out crying and go into the fetal postion.. i have fash backs... i confused cuz he said it was a game and he never truely got over aggressive please help me im starting to second guess my decision.. but i cant do nothing i already spilt the beans.. i just hope it wasnt for nothing.... please help me work this out... im going crazy my family is falling apart and its all my fault if i wouldnt of said anything things would how theyve always been... please talk to me give me your opinion
Now, you did that for, for you own sanity. He did abuse you, what he did was wrong. It wasnt your fault, and you had no idea at the time it was wrong.
What happend to you as a kid had dammaged you. The whole fetal position isnt normal. What he did to you was not right. He has to pay for it.
Faimilies are all the same. They want to sweep the shit under the rug and forget about it. I say bullshit. When they all calm down, tell them how it has affected you and your life. Tell them the hurt, the shame, how you are scared all the time.
They need to hear it, and they need to support you as well. If they offer no support, you might have to cut ties.
So when his wife called what did she say? That she didnt believe you right? They all say that. Talk to him, if its safe to do so. Tell him to be a man and come clean about it.
Im sorry you are going though this, but it had to be done for you! You have to live with this shit not him. So say he desirves to be outed.
It was not your fault. He led you on. He knew it was wrong or he wouldn't have told you not to tell anyone.
Your family should know. If they support you then that's good, if they don't then you're better off without them.
You are not responsible for keeping your family together - if they do fall apart (which I seriously doubt) it is the fault of your cousin, not you. They are responsible for themselves, you are responsible for you.
Believe yourself. Take care of yourself. You're very precious.
Your cousin abused you and you should not have to feel the way you feel because of him. Your family needs to recognize the damage it has caused. It is like the three monkeys. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil....
Childhood abuse keeps going on because we the victims always feel responsible to do the right thing out of some friggin loyalty to the family. You were made to feel awful, heaven fobid anyone be uncomfortable. Place blame where it belongs on him.
(((hugs)))
I think this revelation of yours steps way outside the limits of kids playing.
Well done for being so brave as to front him and take all the flack that resulted.
You say you were 'confronted by' your mother, which comes across like she was considering you as at least equal, if not the instigator of this horrible happening. - a stance which would make any young child feel to blame and possibly to avoid punishment, deny what was happening.
You don't need to blame yourself - you were a child. Children are never to blame. The parents put your cousin in charge so they were the enablers (helped to make it happen) and your cousin was the abuser.
It is important to out him. His wife should be kissing you not slapping you. Especially if she has, or is thinking of having children with this man.
Tyler and Breakingt...make excellent advisors for you.
You have taken some damage, but you are made of very strong stuff, I hear it in all your words, you are not one who will allow herself to be suppressed - so keep on taking that strength - it belongs to you anyway.
So be sure, this cannot be put down to 'normal' child's play and his partner should know, because any children he has access to may be at risk from him. Out him - - and Out him Good!
We are here for you.
Bashee also is spot on in her analysis of the situation too - You have your part to play in the bigger picture. If you have the strength to 'out' an abuser - somewhere down the line you are saving some other little innocent one.
The unfortunate thing is, we can feel less responsible if someone was violent with us than when they used mind techniques like manipulation and shaming. You are absolutely not to blame. Not for the abuse itself, and not for telling. You are NOT responsible for the rest of your family being blissfully unaware. They need to know that there is a perpetrator living amongst that. Sure they won't like the information and will likely react badly to it, but being molested is a terrible thing that we have to process and keeping silent won't allow you to heal.
Being molested is a horrible experience, and you are not here to make the abuse YOU suffered easier on other people. You did the right thing, you are strong, and you will prevail.
All strength to you.