Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I use to feel this way but then would turn that very anger against myself believing, at some level, that they were somehow better than me else the universe would have made them pay for what they did.
Yes, I expressed my rage at being set on this course and I cried tears enough to drown me; and through it all I held so tightly to my conviction that life was not fair because the perpetrators were not paying that the gall it brought up soured my life.
As I began to face and deal with the incest, sexual abuse and rape I experienced I began to take more and more of my focus off them and put it where it would do the most good--on healing myself.
Last year I came across the work of Mark Nepo who writes with much wisdom. I want to share with you what spoke to me on the Issue of Fairness; perhaps it will speak to you, too.
"As long as we see what has come to pass as being unfair, we'll be a prisoner of what might have been."
"Somehow, crying "Unfair" has always kept me stuck in what hurts. I offer what has surprised me in my pain: that life is not fair, but unending in its capacity to change us; that compassion is fair and feeling is just; and that we are not responsible for all that befalls us, only for how we receive it and for how we hold each other up along the way."
"Do not deny your pain in experiencing life, but try not to heighten the hurt by labeling it tragic or unfair."
These words of wisdom came from Nepo's book called The Book of Awakening.
And I share them because I want to hold you up, as you do me.
xx
SuzA
Yes, I expressed my rage at being set on this course and I cried tears enough to drown me; and through it all I held so tightly to my conviction that life was not fair because the perpetrators were not paying that the gall it brought up soured my life.
As I began to face and deal with the incest, sexual abuse and rape I experienced I began to take more and more of my focus off them and put it where it would do the most good--on healing myself.
Last year I came across the work of Mark Nepo who writes with much wisdom. I want to share with you what spoke to me on the Issue of Fairness; perhaps it will speak to you, too.
"As long as we see what has come to pass as being unfair, we'll be a prisoner of what might have been."
"Somehow, crying "Unfair" has always kept me stuck in what hurts. I offer what has surprised me in my pain: that life is not fair, but unending in its capacity to change us; that compassion is fair and feeling is just; and that we are not responsible for all that befalls us, only for how we receive it and for how we hold each other up along the way."
"Do not deny your pain in experiencing life, but try not to heighten the hurt by labeling it tragic or unfair."
These words of wisdom came from Nepo's book called The Book of Awakening.
And I share them because I want to hold you up, as you do me.
xx
SuzA
"Do not deny your pain in experiencing life, but try not to heighten the hurt by labeling it tragic or unfair."
I think today, I am going to try this.
"As long as we see what has come to pass as being unfair, we'll be a prisoner of what might have been."
It reminds me of something I read on forgiveness:
"To forgive is to give up all hope for a better past"
Both of these stress the importance of accepting the present reality, rather than resenting the loss of something that exists only in our minds. But then sometimes reality is very very hard to accept.
For me the change came when I realized I could not change the past, my abuser had the control then...But that I have the control now and that I could live in the past which I could not change or embrace the present which I could control/change and make it my own.
thank you this has helped more than you know.
xx
It's not that I overlook the different stages of healing; and I realize there are many who "Don't know what they don't know." But, precisely for that reason I feel it's important to continue to speak for healing. And to spread that message. I want to replace the myth that we are forever damaged with the truth; that healing is a reality. It's hard work, but a reality.
Thank you to those who responded to this post. Your words encourage me to continue to send out healing signals, heard or not. Those signals will become stronger as I continue with my own healing work.
xx
SuzA