Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
Ok, I do not want to deprive my girlfriend of sex. We had not done it in a couple of weeks, and she asked me if I still found her attractive.
Since I know VERY well what it's like to be refused sex, I went ahead and forced myself to go through with it.
...I was ok during, then afterward was flipping out, just felt overwhelmed, frightened, dirty.
...ARGH!
This is far from the first time this has been an issue with me.
Since I know VERY well what it's like to be refused sex, I went ahead and forced myself to go through with it.
...I was ok during, then afterward was flipping out, just felt overwhelmed, frightened, dirty.
...ARGH!
This is far from the first time this has been an issue with me.
If your girlfriend wants sex when you don't, that is her problem to deal with. It is not your responsibility. No, it isn't nice to be refused, but on a practical level, it's a damn sight easier for her to handle than you feeling dirty, frightened and triggered. Talk to her. Let her know you don't want her to feel rejected, but that you absolutely have to look after yourself. You do not need to apologise for this. Since I had this conversation with my hubby our relationship has got much better. He still gets frustrated, but he is learning how to deal with it and when we do have sex it is more genuine and fulfilling than ever before.
it is not just OK for you to put your needs before hers, it is absolutely essential.
Hugs
And I DON'T want my abuse to rule my sex life too.
Too, I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to put up with it until I feel okay.
...That could take a long time.
...I don't think I've been able to have sex for a couple of years now without having a flashback afterward, but I want sex anyway.
I too don't want my abuse to rule my sex life. But the more I fight it, the more unsafe the child in me feels and the more it does rule. I have learned that to enjoy sex I need to feel safe. Feeling obliged or pressured (as much by myself as by my hubby) does not help me to feel safe.
But this is me and not you. So like syndrome I suggest you talk to your therapist, and listen to your hurt child. She is not trying to rule your sex life, she wants to heal. See if you can give her another way of expressing herself.
I also think it's not fair that she gets to suffer.
...Therapy is tomorrow.