Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
One of my inner kids showed me a memory, I keep getting flashes of it.
Apparently my dad was a lot more violent with me at first. I know later on I went to him.
This new memory makes it more likely that I allowed him access...as a way of appeasing him. He was dragging me to his bedroom and violently forcing himself on me.
It's confusing, too, the alter that holds that thinks of himself as a boy...and what my dad did to me then required me to be female.
I don't really remember much except struggling and trying to grab the bedsheets, shouting as, well *it* happened, and I think he smacked the back of my head for that and said SHUT UP!
I also remember biting the bed(I think) later on to keep from crying out.
I think it went on like this for a little while as in at least a few weeks of him attacking me whenever my mom went to work.
I stopped struggling over that time.
I think we learned to just go blank.
Later, I co-operated. I have an alter who co-operated with him sexually.
Apparently my dad was a lot more violent with me at first. I know later on I went to him.
This new memory makes it more likely that I allowed him access...as a way of appeasing him. He was dragging me to his bedroom and violently forcing himself on me.
It's confusing, too, the alter that holds that thinks of himself as a boy...and what my dad did to me then required me to be female.
I don't really remember much except struggling and trying to grab the bedsheets, shouting as, well *it* happened, and I think he smacked the back of my head for that and said SHUT UP!
I also remember biting the bed(I think) later on to keep from crying out.
I think it went on like this for a little while as in at least a few weeks of him attacking me whenever my mom went to work.
I stopped struggling over that time.
I think we learned to just go blank.
Later, I co-operated. I have an alter who co-operated with him sexually.
I went a few times, with horror and shame at myself for needing to be comforted so badly that I'd go to the only person there.
Our sexual alter sees herself as a co-conspirator, she came about after...well, we were forced to orgasm.
So I literally was going to him to comfort myself for the trauma of what he already did when I went.
...Because he was the only one there.
This latest memory explains why when my mom started going to work...I would be awake when she left at 10, and would scream to the point of having my voice break, begging her not to go...when she asked me why I was so scared, all I could say was "I Dunno! I dunno!"
Needless to say my dad was not asleep either.
My therapist also suggested that I have compassion and value all parts, even the ones that I'm afraid of, because they helped me to survive.
:(
But we're ok, and going to be ok.
If you stimulate a BABY it will react........That is why a lot of survivors feel guilty and responsible they are NOT.