Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
i used to play cards with my uncle in his bedroom. He got inappropriate a few times, he said if I played the wrong card, he would "rub my *&^^#"....
I also remember him "tickling me" by putting his fingers up my leg when I was wearing shorts.all this in addition to when he attacked me when I was 17.
something that bothers me, one time I left the room and my other Uncle, let's call him Uncle Max, was standing against the wall close to the room. Was he suspicious, even back then? If he knew what kind of sicko his brother was, why didn't he protect me and my brother?
I am so angry that my mom and my Uncle Max let us be around my uncle! My mom is so quick to blame everyone else....but she didn't protect us. She says she "remembered" that my uncle may have raped her when she was 5, and that my grandmother prayed with them??? she says she spontaneously remembered at a prayer meeting. Why didn't she protect us? She took us all the way to another city for these visits.....
She's so inappropriate herself. I didn't tell my parents after I was attacked because I didn't think they would be able to help me. I didn't want to join the sick "incest club" she had with my brother where they would bond over the abuse. she would have yeast infections and would sit in the living room with her pants pulled down or skirt pulled up and scratch her parts with a comb. yeah, she was "covered" but ewwww. she would let my other brother "playfully" bite her arm for several minutes. I knew this was wrong and told them to stop. i was forced to pee in a cup often because my oldest brother had to get his hair perfect and would scream at me if I tried to use the bathroom. I still hate peeing in a cup at the doctors.
I love my family, but I really don't like them sometimes.
I also remember him "tickling me" by putting his fingers up my leg when I was wearing shorts.all this in addition to when he attacked me when I was 17.
something that bothers me, one time I left the room and my other Uncle, let's call him Uncle Max, was standing against the wall close to the room. Was he suspicious, even back then? If he knew what kind of sicko his brother was, why didn't he protect me and my brother?
I am so angry that my mom and my Uncle Max let us be around my uncle! My mom is so quick to blame everyone else....but she didn't protect us. She says she "remembered" that my uncle may have raped her when she was 5, and that my grandmother prayed with them??? she says she spontaneously remembered at a prayer meeting. Why didn't she protect us? She took us all the way to another city for these visits.....
She's so inappropriate herself. I didn't tell my parents after I was attacked because I didn't think they would be able to help me. I didn't want to join the sick "incest club" she had with my brother where they would bond over the abuse. she would have yeast infections and would sit in the living room with her pants pulled down or skirt pulled up and scratch her parts with a comb. yeah, she was "covered" but ewwww. she would let my other brother "playfully" bite her arm for several minutes. I knew this was wrong and told them to stop. i was forced to pee in a cup often because my oldest brother had to get his hair perfect and would scream at me if I tried to use the bathroom. I still hate peeing in a cup at the doctors.
I love my family, but I really don't like them sometimes.
I take it your mom has never apologized for failing you?
"Lets define the word IT. IT in this case and according to my experience was psychological abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. Get over emotional abuse. Get over sexual abuse. Get over physical abuse. Get over being told in actions and sometimes in words, that you were not lovable, not valued, not valid as a human being but rather defined as an object with no feelings, by just forgetting about it."
With all that said, you have my deepest condolences - it is hard to accept that the people who should have been there for you, to help you through the hard times are just not able to bring themselves to do so. Your mother sounds as if she repressed her own molestation, so it makes sense she would try to repress yours, doesn't it? And your Uncle Max may also have desired just to not consider the reality that was right in front of him. You have every right to feel that you were left out in the open, vulnerable to attack and unprotected by those that should have known better - but holding such regrets is also a lot like saying "what if...." or "would of......., could of....., should of...." - the result is the same - you were victimized, and now you have to decide who to be mad at - you have the right to be mad at all of them, but again, their lack of response at the time changes little now - you have survived the molestation and now must put your life together again in whatever way you can.
I passed through my stages of anger at the others involved (or NOT involved as they perhaps should have been) and moved on - I processed through what all of the denial and offenses meant to me and how it hurt not to have my mother stand beside me as I went through the processes required. But in so many other ways, Mom was a great person with a heart of gold. I just had to realize that in some ways she was disabled to assist. And then I could love her again, and that was important to me. Holding blame did little for me as it just made the impact of the abuse all the more painful. So as I said, I just had to realize, I was asking too much of a woman that had other wonderful qualities - but support of a sexual abuse victim was not one of them.
I hope some of my "realizations" and processes help you in yours. There will come a time when you have to place the blame where it belongs - firmly on your uncle and those who knew he could be a threat to others and did nothing.
Take care and let us know how you get along...
All my best-
Refuse2quit