Amen! Thank you wheezie this has been crossing my mind as well although I never actually looked up there definitons.

Can I share that post with other people, support groups, websites?

Of course!

Wheezie,

I felt the same way about perpetrator vs predator and have opted to use the word predator which, I believe, more closely describes the behaviors of such people.

I agree with you about the word molest. I think it is a nondescript word today. A convenient word that shields the truth from those who cannot bear to see it.

The word, incest, however, is a distinction that I believe needs to remain for incest has a different impact on the victim because of the beliefs we hold about parents/relatives.

We believe they are supposed to guide and protect us and when we are betrayed by those who are "supposed" to love us it creates...individual reactions.

For me, it was confusion, despair from the belief that I was unlovable, anger, a certainty that there was something horribly wrong with me, etc., etc.

If I had had the support of my parents/family after having been raped or sexually abused then I believe the wounds would have healed faster.

But it was my father, uncles, and cousins who were the predators and the fact that it was my own family who violated me impacted me deeply.

Rape may say it like it is, but incest adds another dimension to that rape.

My own understanding and distinctions among the terms:

incest - rape by parents/family members--ultimately non-consensual; may or may not involve lengthy grooming

sexual abuse - rape by non-family member--ultimately non-consensual; may or may not involve lengthy grooming

rape - non-consensual sex

The English language does not capture the true experience of many words and concepts. Wonder if we can create a word to describe the reality of child victims and the predators who wound them.

xx
SuzA

Awesome post!!!!!!!

I think the word to describe the reality of child victims would be hell. So many victims have to suffer in silence because their families simply do not support them. They expect us to just come out of it "okay" and don't want to be "bothered" with it.

Love the way you are thinking here. I don't like molest or incest words either. Thank you!

The trouble is incest can also be applied to consensual adult sex between siblings which is rare, illegal but also victimless - a very far cry from incestuous rape or incestuous sexual abuse, which are not commonly used terms but which I think say it how it is.

I loath the word 'molest', it is a pathetic euphemism that I never use. It is a way of making sexual assault, sexual abuse or rape (incestuous or not) sound less serious, as if we are afraid to upset the assailant or the public with the reality.

My real problem with the word incest is most intrafamiliar and non stranger rapists try to convince their victims they conscented and there was some type of twisted relationship going on.My daughter for example was programmed to believe she had "sex"(her exact words when she revealed what happened to her) with my brother at the age of two.She was three about to turn four when she fully remembered what happened to her.My husband and I had never even spoken the word sex to her beforehand and that is how we knew she learned this from my brother.I may be wrong but the word incest in our society seems to carry the connotation of conscent from both parties.It is hard enough for survivors to break the programming of abusers without having words that allude to that programming.

@Breaking I agree it should be called incestuous rape.Every memory I have recovered began with me saying no and fighting.My daughter has stated the same about her memories as well.

I was never raped by my father as far as I can remember. I still do not have a clear picture of what happened in bed. I have had flashbacks of my father in my face, out of body experiences, waking up screaming and to this day tremendous anxioty about going to bed. I still wake up at 2AM every night if I go to bed before 1AM. Before I go to bed I take medication for sleep, but it still does not keep me asleep. When I wake up at 2AM I have to take Ativan to calm the anxioty and allow me to get back to sleep.

TW
What my father did was to do with my body anything he wanted to do, including playing with my genitals ever since I was an infint. I have pictures. My mother never gave me a bath. It was always him and he would never slow my mother to comfort mein any way. Of course there was every kind of abuse there could be.

I was orally raped at the YMCA and a female neighbor played with my genitals in front of my mother and other neighbors. I was so ashamed I ran and his. I don't know what you would call it, but there were times when I was forced to be naked in front of groups of people.

I didn't know how painful writing that would be. I'm sitting here shaking with tears coming out.

Ground yourself Lou.If you need some help ground here's a site for it.

http://www.ibiblio.org/rcip/copingskills.html

I am a firm believer that things come out when we need then to.It seems as though you really had the need to express these things and we all are here to listen,validate and relate.

#13 AquaGuy - In the UK rape is defined as penetration without consent. How would you define it?

For me, incest has nothing to do with sex. It's the abuser having control of your body to show his power over you and for his satisfaction. For me it was shame.