Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I have been bothered by my pastor's jokes referring to how "a real man isn't supposed to be in touch with his feelings" and variations thereof. I had an hour long discussion about it with him and the conclusion we came to was that he was saying these things as a joke and most people understand that. I've been thinking about that for a couple of hours and I finally think I get it. In an abusive home, we are not allowed to feel and feeling hurts too much anyway, so we don't feel for years and years and finally it becomes safe to feel so when someone makes a joke about how it is not okay to feel we don't see the humor in it. So now I feel really sad because I think it is obvious that I am from an abusive home and I would rather come across as being over all that trauma.
The best I can try and do is try and understand every view, because I'm not the judge. I try and love, where it's possible, and try not to hate, where it's impossible.
Instead of joking around this way, the congregation would be far better served if he would encourage everyone, including men, to not disavow their feelings.
I love the Lord, but I could write pages about the ways church teaching kept me in denial about my issues, kept me from seeking professional help, and--just like my original family--made certain emotions seem illegal.