Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
it's so hard to deal with the things my uncle did. He has a low IQ due to an extra chromosome and is emotionally child-like. My other uncle feels like it's "not his fault" and he doesn't understand. But he scared so much when he attacked me. I thought he was going to rape me before I pulled away. I know this happened in 1995, but I feel it changed the course of my life. I had a breakdown. I made out with strangers. I started taking sleeping pills a lot as a teenager.
I also feel like the incident (and other times he was inappropriate) affected my sexuality. Before the attack, I didn't have a boyfriend, but I did masturbate about once a month. For about a year afterward, I was unable to orgasm. During this time, I had increased sexual fantasies but also felt fearful, this is how I felt during the breakdown. When my ability to orgasm did come back, I feel like I became more sexual. my husband and I have always had sex at least once a day, except for time away from each other and my period and we've been married 12 years... I guess that's not usual.
I don't know if any of this is "normal....". I also feel like psychiatric drugs made me more attracted to women,,, this sounds crazy, but I feel the drugs, which cause problems with orgasm, recreated that same problem in my first breakdown. when I got off psychiatric drugs (I had recovered from my breakdown), after a few weeks, I watched a soap opera and got aroused when a character stripped down to a bikini. This had never happened before, or at least not like that! I know I was bisexual before my second breakdown, but I can't help feeling like the drugs made me "gayer."
does anyone have any thoughts on this?
I also feel like the incident (and other times he was inappropriate) affected my sexuality. Before the attack, I didn't have a boyfriend, but I did masturbate about once a month. For about a year afterward, I was unable to orgasm. During this time, I had increased sexual fantasies but also felt fearful, this is how I felt during the breakdown. When my ability to orgasm did come back, I feel like I became more sexual. my husband and I have always had sex at least once a day, except for time away from each other and my period and we've been married 12 years... I guess that's not usual.
I don't know if any of this is "normal....". I also feel like psychiatric drugs made me more attracted to women,,, this sounds crazy, but I feel the drugs, which cause problems with orgasm, recreated that same problem in my first breakdown. when I got off psychiatric drugs (I had recovered from my breakdown), after a few weeks, I watched a soap opera and got aroused when a character stripped down to a bikini. This had never happened before, or at least not like that! I know I was bisexual before my second breakdown, but I can't help feeling like the drugs made me "gayer."
does anyone have any thoughts on this?
about the sexuality issues, i would not let it worry you. You are married and you have a sexual relationship with your husband, and you seem to be happy with him.
If it helps, I will share with you that I was sexually abused by a man and my orientation is to men, but I have been attracted to women before. I don't think it had anything to do with drugs. From what you describe, it sounds as if you had a sexual need and you felt aroused when you saw something that reminded you of sex or sexual behavior. For me, it was about safety. I felt safer with women, and I had an unmet emotional need, and I became open to the idea that my orientation might not be to men. As I worked on my issues, though, I realized that my orientation was not in question, just how to be safe with men.
anyway, I hope that helps - it might be worthwhile to think back on that time after your first breakdown and see what emotional needs were not being met when you found you were aroused when you saw the woman on tv. might lead you to some good insights.
You address some very interesting facets of surviving abuse and medications.
First of all, I have never heard of psychiatric drugs making anyone 'gayer', but they do affect the brain and perhaps they are lowering your "normal" inhibitions - also, I have talked to many female survivors who said that they felt safer with considering having sex with women than they did with men, as it was a man that harmed them. Perhaps this is compounded by the drugs, although most people experience a lowering of their sex drive when psychiatric drugs are introduced.
As far as your sex drive - it sound like whereas you and your husband are very active, each of us have our own level of sexual activity that we are comfortable with. As long as your sex life does not trigger any bad emotions or present any barriers to normal functioning, then it just sounds rather healthy and alive. There is nothing wrong with that.
I am so sorry to hear about what your uncle did and it is compounded by the fact that he has lower emotional range and thus some will say he is not responsible for his actions. If this is the case, then someone else should have been responsible for making certain that he does not harm others. It sounds like the family is just trying to make excuses and push the blame onto his condition rather than admit that someone should have been in charge of him and his behavior. What a shame that he hurt you in several ways and no one seems to be giving you the respect that a victim so deserves.
And many people have a "ebb and flow" of sexual activity - at some stages they may be hypersexual, at others hyposexual. This is pretty normal in a person's life and has a lot to do with hormones, trauma, self-perceptions, and many other reasons. Do not start thinking of yourself as odd in this manner - many of us have some sexual issues after the abuse, but it sounds like you have a very fulfilling life with your husband in that sense.
Enjoy it and do not let the "bad thoughts" ruin what sounds like a pretty healthy lifestyle.
All my best
Refuse2quit
It's really nothing unusual at all. It only becomes a problem if you perceive it as a problem.