Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I was sexually abused, don't know how many times, as a young child. anyway, I went on my first date at the age of 14, and was so frightened. He held my hand on the way back to the car, and I felt such revulsion. It was fear. the next time he visited me at my family home, I froze him out. I literally ignored him till he went away.
This appals me now- I am so sorry I did that.
so, in my dream, I am meeting Bruce as an adult to make amends. I feel such a sense of loss, too, for the 14 year old that was me.
When I wake up the next day, I have a heavy heart. I smoke a cigarette, feeling the need to blot out my feelings.
These kind of feelings are a danger to me in terms of staying sober. (I'm 7 years sober.)
I felt depressed for the rest of that day.
I guess I was re living 14, and how there was such an incredible lack of communication in my family, I thought it was a way to deal with Bruce to completely ignore him.
Anything that mattered in our family never got talked about, including when I piped up at 11 about the sex abuse. My mum said 'you'll be right' and walked out of the room, it was never mentioned again. That's just an example.
I feel I need to grieve for that 14 year old- and I stayed frightened for my entire teens, never having a boyfriend. The 14 year old that was me was still a child, and she had no coping skills whatsoever, as well as having all that untreated trauma onboard.
I'm telling her story here, as part of my giving her space.
I went to a 'relapse prevention' group last Tuesday night (for the alcoholism). I told the psychologist there about the dream, and how it made me feel. He didn't deal with it very well, he didn't give compassion, space or guidance. he moved on very quickly. I felt worse, and the pain was strong. So I left group at the next tea break to go home. On the way, I felt self harming.
by the time I got home, the pain eased up. But I think it's myself that needs to give the child me space and compassion, and recognition.
Like what used to be talked about in therapy, 're parenting yourself'.
also, I will talk about it in one-to-one therapy.
Just wondering if anyone can relate.
I'm now 54, and as it turns out, I've never been capable of a loving, long term relationship.
This appals me now- I am so sorry I did that.
so, in my dream, I am meeting Bruce as an adult to make amends. I feel such a sense of loss, too, for the 14 year old that was me.
When I wake up the next day, I have a heavy heart. I smoke a cigarette, feeling the need to blot out my feelings.
These kind of feelings are a danger to me in terms of staying sober. (I'm 7 years sober.)
I felt depressed for the rest of that day.
I guess I was re living 14, and how there was such an incredible lack of communication in my family, I thought it was a way to deal with Bruce to completely ignore him.
Anything that mattered in our family never got talked about, including when I piped up at 11 about the sex abuse. My mum said 'you'll be right' and walked out of the room, it was never mentioned again. That's just an example.
I feel I need to grieve for that 14 year old- and I stayed frightened for my entire teens, never having a boyfriend. The 14 year old that was me was still a child, and she had no coping skills whatsoever, as well as having all that untreated trauma onboard.
I'm telling her story here, as part of my giving her space.
I went to a 'relapse prevention' group last Tuesday night (for the alcoholism). I told the psychologist there about the dream, and how it made me feel. He didn't deal with it very well, he didn't give compassion, space or guidance. he moved on very quickly. I felt worse, and the pain was strong. So I left group at the next tea break to go home. On the way, I felt self harming.
by the time I got home, the pain eased up. But I think it's myself that needs to give the child me space and compassion, and recognition.
Like what used to be talked about in therapy, 're parenting yourself'.
also, I will talk about it in one-to-one therapy.
Just wondering if anyone can relate.
I'm now 54, and as it turns out, I've never been capable of a loving, long term relationship.
In my opinion, grieving your 14yr old is an essential part of the healing process, since at the time of our abuse, we never had that opportunity. So you're doing a really good job!
I'm sorry what happened to you in your group, sometimes these things just happen sometimes. I've been involved in a group a few years back and had a similar experience, I believe with me, the group leader was at a loss and didn't know what to say.
As for Loving, long term relationships, that been a real struggle with me even though i've been with my wife for 26 years now. I often, and have pushed her away, I guess its because deep down inside I probably feel safer with so distance between us in case she ever lashes out at me, it won't hurt as much since I don't allow that closeness to begin with. It does seem like a pretty tough protective wall we build against people, just in case. It's a true struggle to overcome that one, even now after my marriage is hanging by a thread.
Last, good work on your sobriety, I've been clean and sober myself for a lot of years and life has been much simpler without those "escapes". Keep up the very good work you're doing, I wish you well, Blaine
Best of all today - keep marching on!
I try to focus myself on positive and affirming actions when I am afraid instead of doing self-destructive things. I am really proud to see you are 7 years sober, nelliefay. That is really awesome. I guess the only other idea that I think might help is to remind you to be patient with yourself. It is okay to be down after a dream like that. If you are depressed all day, try to take some time to write down some beautiful thoughts before you go to sleep and think about how the next day will be better.
hugs to you nelliefay - and I agree with what Refuse2quit said - your posts are so strong. I believe in you. :-)