Refuse2quit,

Personally, you didn't step on my toes. Forgiveness is a very volatile subject, as you've seen; I think this is because the word itself comes with much baggage and multiple levels of understanding, or misunderstanding--whatever the case may be.

We all have different reactions to "forgiveness" with some of us accepting its positive sides and others feeling like they'd rather kill the predators than forgive them. And when you think about it this makes perfect sense given the fact that we are different people with different experiences, different beliefs, etc., etc.

For me, I tend to agree with Guy Pettitt, M.D., who said, "Forgiveness does not occur on the emotional level. The emotions simply do not forgive. The Higher Self does."

So far my Higher Self has forgiven my father but none of the others. I have accepted that.

As far as not talking about forgiveness here I'm afraid that would only feed into the secrecy and silence of denial. It's a subject that deserves air time and an area that will always generate mixed feedback.

I think as long as it does not become a personal attack--and maybe even if it does--I know I do not have to own the beliefs and opinions of others...or their words because in the end that's what they are...someone else's perspective. I have my own and they have theirs and we are both right.

You need no forgiveness from me.

xx
SuzA

Thank you SuzA66 - I appreciate it, but never really felt I needed it from you - I always felt you accepted me where I was, not where you thought I should be - that is why I like you so well......
And you really hit on what I was saying - for me it is a Higher Self issue - I have lived through the anger, lived with the hatred and now I choose and desire to forgive.
I cannot find the book I want when I want it, and I fear the one I want right now burned up in my house fire 6 years ago. I am talking about a self-help book that listed not two stages of progress, but three.
First stage - Victim;
Second stage - Survivor;
Third stage - Conqueror -
and I am aiming for the third stage. When I am not online, I rarely ever think of my abusers or abuse. I have few effects left, some sleep issues and depression, but depression runs in our family without abuse being involved.
But I do believe in a higher power and I do believe I have tapped into the ability to shed the hate. Others may not be able to or chose not to do so, but I desire it, as I was not a hateful kid before the abuse. That is my goal. I did not say it had to be anyone else's but it is mine and for anyone to tell me I shouldn't or can't - well that is my business isn't it?
Thanks for the comment, again, not sure what will happen with the post, but I have requested it removed as it obviously hit some very raw nerves.
All my best as usual -
Refuse2quit

U Dont need be sorry. I think everyone here should be allowed to ET out and express exactly how they feel,please don't feel sorry.

I don't think it should be removed there is a lot of thought there por and against it that would be very helpful for others to read..

Although you took the heat its a very important discussion in abuse forums.

Sorry for the typo.

I mean it was a very interesting discussion with a lot of thoughts pro and against it...I think as a person coming (as a new member) here I would like to read them...

No need to apologise for your post, I found it really interesting and helpful, even though I'm not able to do what you have. I didn't feel you were trying to push anything on me, you were just putting it out there.

And I thank you all - I have asked DS team to leave the post as I do think it generated some good points and gave everyone something to think about, but it is out of my hands whether they do or not now. I appreciate that you looked beyond how it could have been taken and saw that I was just asking their views. As I say, I put it out there, I should expect some to smack it a good one if they don't agree -and most were very respectful, but I did get some 'hate" Pm's over it - understandable, but no need.
All my best - I am glad to hear that you gave what I said some thought and I think that is what this group is for - to consider other options that may be available to you!! I never expect EVERYONE will agree with me, but it is my life and my choice. Tired of dragging all that around for these many, many years!!!
Thanks all -
Refuse2quit