Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I grew up with a gay bashing mother.
I grew up with a father who was very sexual with me.
So on the one hand dad and I had sex and on the other I was told repeatedly that sex between to males was completely wrong. My present mind understands that dad was raping and torturing me.
But as a child wanting parental approval and needing familial support my mind was really messed up.
Mom hates gays. Dad and me have sex. Doesn't that make me gay. We are two boys after all having sex. I ponder on the limited understanding a boy has of that situation.
Dad dies of heart attack when I am nine.
I continue to grow up and find that at eleven I am attracted to boys. I wanted to hold a boy's hand not a girls.
Mom continues to gay bash and now my sister is involved. Both make comments about how wrong it is.
My attraction to boys continues. The gay bashing gets worse. Now it is all the people in high school. Most of the family. Mom, sister, aunts, cousins gay bashing is everywhere.
I am attracted to boys. Shit.
I get a pierced ear in high school. Mom calls me her fairy faggot son. Constantly.
So I get a girl friend. knock her up in high school and have a shot gun wedding. Get a divorce a few years later.
I am still attracted to guys. All the gay bashing continues.
Fast forward 30 years...Mom's still at it.
She makes a comment, "Well there must be really something wrong with a person if they do that." in reference to gay relationship on a TV show we were watching.
She hates any show with Neil Patrick Harris. Because he is gay.
Then out of the blue two weeks ago she makes a comment that floors me. She said that love knows no boundaries and what ever makes a person happy. This was in reference to a gay relationship.
I was like, WTF. Where the fuck have you been all my life.
My mind goes berserk for a few days as I dwell on the fact that her husband was having gay sex with me and she was gay bashing the whole time. and now she is okay with gay. Fuck. This has been a rough life.
Again the reference to dad and me having sex is from a nine year olds perspective. Not my present day adult brain. I find difficulty separating the two sometimes. My current cognitive mind and my past body memories are in constant battle.
I often wonder if my attraction is environmental as opposed to "I was born that way"
When you teach a child same sex from birth I think it gets ingrained into the brain. Much the same as anything you teach a child. Tell them over and over something is true and they will believe it.
Thanks for letting me share...
I grew up with a father who was very sexual with me.
So on the one hand dad and I had sex and on the other I was told repeatedly that sex between to males was completely wrong. My present mind understands that dad was raping and torturing me.
But as a child wanting parental approval and needing familial support my mind was really messed up.
Mom hates gays. Dad and me have sex. Doesn't that make me gay. We are two boys after all having sex. I ponder on the limited understanding a boy has of that situation.
Dad dies of heart attack when I am nine.
I continue to grow up and find that at eleven I am attracted to boys. I wanted to hold a boy's hand not a girls.
Mom continues to gay bash and now my sister is involved. Both make comments about how wrong it is.
My attraction to boys continues. The gay bashing gets worse. Now it is all the people in high school. Most of the family. Mom, sister, aunts, cousins gay bashing is everywhere.
I am attracted to boys. Shit.
I get a pierced ear in high school. Mom calls me her fairy faggot son. Constantly.
So I get a girl friend. knock her up in high school and have a shot gun wedding. Get a divorce a few years later.
I am still attracted to guys. All the gay bashing continues.
Fast forward 30 years...Mom's still at it.
She makes a comment, "Well there must be really something wrong with a person if they do that." in reference to gay relationship on a TV show we were watching.
She hates any show with Neil Patrick Harris. Because he is gay.
Then out of the blue two weeks ago she makes a comment that floors me. She said that love knows no boundaries and what ever makes a person happy. This was in reference to a gay relationship.
I was like, WTF. Where the fuck have you been all my life.
My mind goes berserk for a few days as I dwell on the fact that her husband was having gay sex with me and she was gay bashing the whole time. and now she is okay with gay. Fuck. This has been a rough life.
Again the reference to dad and me having sex is from a nine year olds perspective. Not my present day adult brain. I find difficulty separating the two sometimes. My current cognitive mind and my past body memories are in constant battle.
I often wonder if my attraction is environmental as opposed to "I was born that way"
When you teach a child same sex from birth I think it gets ingrained into the brain. Much the same as anything you teach a child. Tell them over and over something is true and they will believe it.
Thanks for letting me share...
What a turn around for your mom, huh? Wow....where did that come from??? I'm so sorry your dad abused you and so sorry your mom spent so many years being a judgmental fool ( sorry...I know...it's your mom I'm talking about)
As far as the debate about "born that way" and "trained into it" goes, I really don't know. Maybe both things can happen? I feel fairly certain that some people are attracted to the same sex from early childhood and that's just the way they are.
Something I do know...we make way too much fuss over this topic. Does it really matter that much? Like they say, love is love...let's just celebrate it when it happens, and stop worrying about what's right and what's wrong about it.