Incest Survivors Support Group
Incest refers to any sexual activity between closely related persons that is illegal or socially taboo. Consensual adult incest is very rare. Incest between adults and prepubescent or adolescent children is a form of child sexual abuse that has been shown to be one of the most extreme forms of childhood trauma. If you or a loved one is a survivor of incest, join the group...
I'm a survivor of sexual abuse outside of the family. I have never had to consider contact with my abusers (although I have confronted one, and written a letter to the other).
However, my spouse is beginning to have memories of abuse within the family.
What kind of contact have you had with your family, both when (if) having recollections, and later on?
However, my spouse is beginning to have memories of abuse within the family.
What kind of contact have you had with your family, both when (if) having recollections, and later on?
Some families do contain supportive members, many do not. So this really has to be a judgement call by the victim. I would prefer to put it like this - instead of thinking 'family' think 'who can I rely on to give me support at this time?'
I didn't know how my family would react to my telling them of the abuse, but I knew that they were not a family to give emotional support so I instinctively kept away. I was right. Interestingly my hubby, who does come from a supportive family, kept encouraging me to see them because he couldn't understand.
You and your spouse should trust your spouse's instinct, and they should call the shots. If you see that contact has a bad effect then say something.
Perhaps your spouse should come on here?
I wish you all the very best.
I will mention this site to my spouse. Because I too am an abuse survivor, I do believe in supporting the other person's boundaries; it's all new to both of us.
I stayed away, but recently I have wanted contact only because I have come to a place where I believe I am strong enough to talk with them about the 'Secrets'. Whether they are supportive, in denial or reject me I want to make some time of contact. I haven't yet, I am thinking a lot about how to approach them. But I think that each of us have our own individual ways of coping. Follow instinct, your own comfort zones, allow yourselves room to see how you things can best handled.
Lots of strength to you both
it was a period of time that started within the family than outside of my family, this period of time was from age three to age 21.
between age 13 to know is when i started having behavior and mood like problems. i have had harsh memories since before 13, but when i turned 13 it was wayyy worse and it lasted that way for 10 years later. i am now almost 24.
from age 12 to age 21, i have pretty much lived in a psych ward. mainly suicide prevention and occasionally because i would have split personality issues. also i was diagnose with all kinds of things from bipolar disorder to schizophrenia. and that whole approx 10yrs of all kinds of medication and therapy including ECTs..my family never spoke and asked why i was that way..and i always had amnesia and well..at age 20 i believe i asked a therapist to get a hold of my mother, father and siblings for a group session.
i asked my therapist to tell them in front of me and he did, my mom kinda cried and my brother and sister (abusers) didnt say anything, and my father pointed fingers and asked how it was even possible oh and important detail, me and my therapist didnt metion names..so my parents knew it happened and didnt know it was my siblings to blame..
my brother and sister have not treated me any different up to this day. i have DID.. so i have different personalities and thats how i survived from such early age. finally now, im begibning to heal. and this whole time i have been craving a healthy love kind of family so i always have a personality trying to have my family back and pretend nothing happened.. but as for me...it hurts me and torurtes my brain to spend time with my family. i havent spoken to my since birth alcoholic father in years..and just about a week ago..i have decided that i dont want to be around my family, they are cruel and frankly dont give a shit as always on how i may or may not be..also they arent nice so i give up pretending we are all ok..they hurt me and well its not fair i have to pretend it didnt happen and on top of that they cant be nice.. screw that. i do better without them and im important to myself, i need to heal and thaat happens without them,
I confronted my mother(also abusive) and she denied and refused to believe my father capable of raping me. I told aunts and uncles about my father...!!! Then I disconnected with everyone who did not support me...!!! I at first tried to have a seperate relationship with my aunts and uncles but I found that to be exhausting and triggering so I disconnected from them too... If you read my post "contact with the family" you will get a sense of how I have seperated myself!
I think that as long as I was in contact with people who still wanted to be friends with a child rapist the worse I felt about myself... So once i stopped contact with them my life started to improve!!!
What a huge burden off my back, trying to people please my way through life was a heavy load of crap I carried all the time! I threw that crap off and now I'm walking taller than I have ever in my life!!