I had trouble after having my second child; first I got a blood clot in my leg after giving birth, then my baby son became gravely ill with a virus and then my uncle had a heart attack, with his wife rehashing family drama and bringing up so much from my first breakdown. then I had a bad reaction to antidepressants and got diagnosed as bipolar.

I felt like a zombie on the medications, and nobody who knows me thinks I have ever been manic. but the real problem came with the rapid 150 lbs weight gain in 2009. it was body horror! I know I have lost the weight, but it's so hard to get over that year. I could get no help from doctors and I was on my own. I did get some help from a lymphedema therapist. I had to lose weight on my own and then saw all the bad veins when the swelling went down. my vascular doctor could not believe how bad my legs were and that doctors had left me in that state. after 6 surgeries, I am much better. I can't believe I was born with a double set of bad veins in my left leg and lymphedema and a thyroid problem! I feel like I wasted 2 1/2 years of my life on medication that hurt my mind and body!

I feel so numb. my uncle attacking me set off the sickness in 1995, but the "cure" broke my heart. I got a small taste of health and not having weight issues in my early 20s, and then my body took it away. I really believe I could have kept my weight off if not for multiple health issues. I know I have so much to be grateful for, but it is hard not to mourn my dreams...... I know I am a size 14 now, but I wanted to be a size 10.... it is so close now, only 30 lbs to go... I have to have hope.